The Moon
by BrownBunny1976
Summary: DIR EN GREY If they pronounce your name, if you are put on the list, if you are the one who's been chosen – you have to go. Even if the only thing that is waiting for you up there is loneliness and silent death.
1. Chapter 1

"Nishimura Tooru."

There is a slight pause and he continues, naming the last several names, but I can't hear anything anymore. It's as if somebody put a gun to my each ear and fired, deafening me in an instant and leaving a loud noise instead. It's as if a crowd of millions of people has climbed into my ear and started buzzing.

I couldn't hear a thing except for this noise in my ears.

And suddenly the shapes in front of my eyes lost their contours and blurred.

I extended my hand and tried to grab a hold of something, because I knew there was a chance of me falling down if I wouldn't grab something right now. And thankfully I was standing right at the table, so I grabbed its edge and leaned on it.

For a moment all was a total chaos – noise in my ears, blurry ghostly shadows in front of my eyes and weakness in my legs.

But after a few more seconds it drew back and I could see and hear again. I took a deep, shuddering breath.

The rest of the band was starring at me eyes wide and scared.

"M-maybe it's some other Nishimura Tooru" Toshiya stutters disturbing the deadly silence. "There might be more than one guy with such a name."

Die nods along, seeming to agree, but Shinya and Kaoru seem to be less positive. They just look skeptically at Toshiya, but keep silent.

My cell rings and all of us jump in surprise. Toshiya's eyes grow big and he stares at my cell as if it was a devil himself. The others suddenly also get the same scared look on their faces and cautiously glance at me.

I can only extend my shaky hand and pick up the phone.

"H-helo?"

"_Is this Nishimura Tooru?_" I hear a man's voice, loud and very sharp. And cold.

"Yes."

"_This is the emperor's secretary. I am delighted to inform you that you have been chosen to be one of the members of The Moon Crew and are leaving the Earth in exactly two months._"

My throat feels so dry that I can't even mumble any sound to show I heard him. But I have to at least try.

"I've heard of it just now on the news…"

I feel a knot at my throat and try to force it down at least for the time that I will be talking on the phone.

"_Very well. You will be picked up in thirty minutes from the studio you are currently in. The usual procedure is this: we pick you up in half an hour, you undergo the basic training and acquire the basic knowledge in two months during which you cannot have any contact with the outside world and then you are presented with 24 hours of free time to pack a few essential items and say your goodbyes. Is everything clear?_"

"Y-yes" I almost let out a sob, but somehow manage to answer. I feel sick. My legs are weak again and my hands are trembling badly. I suddenly have an urge to throw up and it's only getting stronger every second.

I wish this was just a nightmare. A sick cruel nightmare.

"_Very well. I will be seeing you in thirty minutes. Stay where you are to wait for us. Goodbye._"

The connection ends without any other unnecessary words and I can no longer hold my cell in my hand. It slips through my clumsy fingers and drops on the ground, not breaking though.

My band mates - my friends - are looking at me, starring at me with huge eyes full of fear and disbelieve.

"They are c-coming to take me in… in thirty minutes."

I say this so helplessly that it almost sounds as if I'm pleading them to save me, to do something – anything – to get me out of this, to spare me from this.

But I know this is final. There is no man or woman in the whole Japan influential enough to help me avoid this fate. It is the ultimate decision.

I look him in the eyes now. The man I've always looked up to, fancied, admired.

Now I don't even have a chance with him. I don't have time anymore to try and win him over. To try and make him have a crush on me if not fall in love with me.

All is lost for good.

He – my beloved wonderful man. My career as a singer in the band I love so much. My family. My friends. My everyday life – so well known and underestimated most of the time. My future. And most probable even… my life…

I will die there as all others died. I highly doubt I'll be one of that lucky 2% who do come back home. 98% of them never come back. Not even dead. Their bodies are usually lost out there and they don't even care enough to bring a sac full of bones for the family to mourn over.

Suddenly I remember all the horrible stories I've heard of what happens there. Most of them are just rumors as almost nobody comes back alive from there, and those who do – they come back either insane or completely detached from the real world. And if they do comprehend their surroundings, they never say a word to public. They are either too scared to speak, or made not to speak, or simply don't want to.

Any of these reasons isn't appealing enough.

Why am I going to be one of those poor souls, lost for some unknown mysterious reason that I don't give a shit about?

Why can't it be somebody else? Why is it me? Why?

"Kyo?"

I hear a voice so distant from me that at first I don't even register that somebody spoke to me. But then I feel a hand on my shoulder and I turn to look at whoever it is.

It's Toshiya.

He looks as if he's barely able to hold back all the emotions he has. But I still see that what has just happened to me for some reason touched him so much as well.

"Kyo, it's going to be OK… You'll be fine, you'll see…"

Totchi, liar. You don't even believe yourself in what you're saying to me. But I appreciate your attempts. Even if they are useless to me.

I don't have anything to say.

All I want is for this to be a dream – a nightmare from which I would wake up and see that I have to go to the studio and work, have another boring day just like always and that my life is still the same.

But this is not going to happen. And I am completely powerless to change it.

My cell rings again and I look down. It's my mother calling.

I can't force myself to talk to her. I will break down if I do. I have to be strong right now. And maybe they will inform my parents themselves. I've heard that they don't leave this completely anonymous – they always make the family pretend that they are proud of the honor their child has received from the emperor himself.

The phone keeps ringing, but I just stare down at it. Nobody says a word about it either, nobody tells me to answer.

Maybe if I ran right now and found a good place to hide, maybe then my life would be saved? Even if I had to live in hiding for the rest of my life, at least I'd be _living_. But… I've heard rumors of how they punish the ones who disobey. Their families tend to disappear mysteriously or die in horrible accidents.

So my legs just don't move. I stay frozen as I was, starring at the phone on the ground until it stops ringing.

I want to look at him once more before I'll have to leave, but I can't even lift my eyes. Maybe this will be the last time I see him. Maybe this was the last day we all made music, recorded our new single. Maybe this was the last day I sang. Maybe this was my last pleasant and completely uneventful, but happy day on Earth.

And maybe… most probably… I am never coming back…

I look around feverishly, barely seeing anything at all, but my white pack of cigarettes and my lighter are just right beside my hand. So I grab them and without looking at anybody I almost run away from everyone to the balcony, step outside and close the door behind me.

The traffic noise envelops me, the heat of the summer day overlies me and I feel the smells from the street reach my nostrils. Nothing's new. The life in the city goes on just like it used to. It's only my life that has been stopped so abruptly.

I don't even want to smoke, I just needed an escape. I needed to get out of the room where everyone's eyes were on me, where everyone was starring at a man with a death sentence pronounced on him.

Because that was exactly what has just happened.

They will force me to leave for four years. But I most probably will not manage to withstand even these four years and die somewhere along the way, with the thoughts of going back home being the only thing that would make me go through day after day.

I want to cry so badly now. But crying won't change anything.

They said they'll give me 24 hours to say goodbyes. But what a cruel way to torture this is? How will I have to face my parents knowing I was chosen to be one of those doomed souls? How will I face my lovely little sister, who's so attached to me and loves me so much? Will I be able to see him as well? To tell him I love him? To ask him for that one kiss? My first and last kiss ever with him?

I stand there, in the balcony for God-knows how long. But as I hear the doors being opened carefully, I know it was exactly half an hour.

"Kyo?" I hear Toshiya's shaky voice. "They're here…"

I nod curtly. Time is up. I have to go.

I keep my head bowed down while I pass my friends and bandmates, and the one I love. But suddenly somebody lunges forward and hugs me strongly, his grip even somewhat too tight.

"I'll be waiting for you, Kyo!" Toshiya chokes out the words and I can swear I hear him cry. But I don't look up at him, nor do I hug him back. I just want to get it over with sooner. I don't want to see them or anybody else for that matter. They're not the ones being forced to leave everything behind. They're not the ones having to give up literary everything they have.

It's me. I have to go. And I will have to leave alone. And they will just go on with their lives, somewhat changed, but lives nonetheless.

Somebody drags Toshiya away from me and I continue walking.

When I reach the threshold, I hesitate for a moment. I want to turn back to them, to see them and him, to hear them say they found out a way for me to avoid this fate.

But all is silent. Nobody moves. Nobody says a thing.

So I gather my courage and leave the room completely. I can see them in their uniforms at the back of the corridor, waiting for me. I can see other staff members watching me walk past them, but I do not lift my head to look at them.

Or to look at the ones taking me away.

They lead me to the car, show me where to sit and drive me away.

And only when the car has been going for some time, only then I dare to lift my eyes and gaze out the window.

And through my blurry eyes I can barely see anything at all.

Only his shocked face after he heard my name pronounced remains in front of my eyes.

**TBC**

So the first chapter is quite short (compared to the usual length of my chapters), but nothing more fits here :) lol More explanations of what is going on here will be given in later chapters :) I don't really want to give details on the period, setting or anything else, because they are really not that important. They are needed to just create the needed situation for me, so these things will be mentioned, but I am not going to dwell upon them :)

So… what do you guys think? :))) I haven't posted anything in ages, so this is rather exciting… and scary XD

Comments would be lovely! ^^


	2. Chapter 2

oOo 24 hours oOo

I step out of the gate and squint my eyes from the bright sun. The next second somebody grabs me and hugs me tightly and I can hear my mother sobbing in my half-deaf ear.

"My baby… Tooru…"

I hug her back half-heartedly.

It's not that I'm not happy to see her. It's just that it's too hard. It's too hard to see her so devastated, to see my farther tearing up, though trying not to show that, my little sister completely scared and sad, looking as if she was escorting me to my own funeral.

Which in a way was exactly just that.

I had my 24 hours to say goodbyes. Which, if anyone asked me, was a cruel way to torture.

After all, they said 'to say goodbye to your family', not 'part until the next time you see them'.

Because I most probably won't be seeing them ever again.

oOo 22 hours and 48 minutes oOo

Looking at the things in my house makes me as lost as never before.

They said I can take a few things. But what the hell should I take? What might I want to have with me for the next four years? My CDs? My poem books? My porn magazines? My clothes? My expensive furniture?

All I can think of is photos. I take out most recent photo album and select a few photos of my parents and sister, then a few of my closest friends. Of course, Daisuke is amongst them - I take some of my favorite photos with him and then a pile of pictures with my band members. And with _him_ amongst everyone else…

My eyes fall upon a thick black leather notebook lying on the table. I got it as a birthday present from him. It's still blank, I didn't have the heart to write in it. I take the notebook in my hands and touch the crumbly surface with my fingers. For a moment I just freeze, thinking about the moment he handed this to me, smiling sincerely and wishing me all the best.

Who knew that just in a few months all the best would turn out to be the possible worst ever…

I gulp the sickly tasting lump in my throat and blink, willing the tears away.

I can't think of anything else to take. I don't need any _things_. I would gladly give the entire house with all the shit inside it away in exchange for my freedom.

I sigh deeply and my hand with the notebook in it falls down to my side.

The only thing that I know for sure after these two months is that my participation in the program is unquestionable. The Emperor's secretary took his time to talk to each of the future crew members individually and he didn't beat about the bush. Any my unwillingness in any form will result in severe consequences for my family and even closest friends.

He didn't hide the fact that me being chosen was no accident. They needed a well known public figure, but the one who wouldn't be widely loved like sweet and lovable Miyavi. They needed somebody known, but not really loved by the entire nation, somebody who would be a good example that not even the celebrities could escape the Emperor's will. Everyone was obliged to surrender to the will of the Emperor – whether a beggar or a rock star, there was no difference.

And just on the whim of a bitch fate, I happened to be the one of the celebrities they chose for the 'lottery'.

I take the photos scattered on the table and put them inside the notebook carefully.

For a moment I try to think of what else I could take, but I just really don't care.

There is just one more thing though…

I go to my bed and open the drawer of the table. Inside it, under a pile of some tissues lies a photo of him naked, with his hands lifted, drying his hair with a small white towel.

I took this photo with my cell after a show, when we were sharing the hotel room and he was too tired after the numerous shows and drunk from the after-party. He just didn't care that I was in the same room or simply didn't even notice me in his drunken state. I hesitated just for a second, then quickly took out my cell and while he was still standing and tiredly scrubbing at his hair, his back turned to me, I took a picture.

I spent many nights after that looking at it and fantasizing about him, masturbating while watching the picture. It was just him from the back, but it was as close as I could get to his naked body.

I look at the picture that is so private and should belong only to me. If I want to have it with myself, I will have to show them. Not even piss in my urethra will be left unchecked before boarding. There is nothing private for me anymore.

I put the picture amongst all others and grasp the notebook in my hand.

The house feels empty and cold, but I still feel numbing pain just thinking of never coming back here.

Two months was all it took for me to understand my situation fully and to accept it.

As much as I hated it, as much as I wanted to scream and claw my way back home, beating unconscious anyone who stood in my way, I knew there was no way back for me. As much as I wanted it to be a fucked up terrible nightmare, I was going to live in it for the rest of the time I still got left.

And from what I got to know, I don't have that much time left.

Unless I get lucky and stubborn and my body will be able to endure all of the work that will be thrust upon me, and my mind will be able to cope with loneliness and complete isolation from any living beings.

Soon after they took me in and the training started, I just shut out any thoughts about my situation and any feelings. They were not helping me and I will still have to do it. So all I could do was just to pick myself up and go through it. If not for my sake, then for the wellbeing of my family and friends. Because not only my life was at risk at this point.

But coming back home made the zombie-like person that I have become come back to life and feel again.

And the only thing I feel now is that I don't want to do that. I want to stay home. Desperately.

I feel weak in my legs suddenly and sit down.

Pictures of the plans of the station rise in front of my eyes, narrow and dirty tunnels and pipes, unstable, hot and unreliable. Easy to get blocked, hard to clean. Rocky pale surface of the Moon, cold and uninhabited, deadly dangerous, but profitable to my country and the Emperor. And endless lonely hours.

I have made my peace with what is happening, because I have no other choice. But it still hurts so much even thinking about it. I've never felt so much pain in my chest, such strong pain that it would even stop me breathing for precious long seconds.

For the past two months I have absorbed the information, undergone the training, obediently did all I was ordered mindlessly, as if my mind was detached from my body. As if all of that was happening was just a bad dream and I would soon wake up from it. It was the only way I could deal with that.

But now I just can't fool myself anymore. The time has almost run out. The last hours on Earth are ticking by too quickly.

I take in a shuddering breath and force myself to stand.

My parents and my sister are waiting for me in the living room with a lawyer. I have to sign my testament just in case. The rest of the things will be taken care of for me.

After that…

I guess I will try to enjoy the last precious hours left with my family.

oOo 14 hours and 18 minutes oOo

My mother does her best to try and convince me and everyone else that all is going to be fine and I will be coming back home in four years. She even manages to force out a sincere smile when I say to her that I will be given the opportunity to receive a video call once a month from one person.

I know she will be the first I'll see up there.

My sister doesn't leave my side for a moment.

It's getting harder and harder to make peace with my fate.

The less hours are left for me, the more I want to stay.

I want to stay home so badly…

oOo 4 hours and 2 minutes oOo

Of the three of my best mates, Daisuke was the one who openly cried for me as if seeing me for the last time. And I was the one who tried to laugh it off and say 'but we'll be seeing each other in four years' time'. Of course, he didn't buy it. My lie was written all over my face.

He hugged me tightly and with all my body I felt a desperate need to stay. I was leaving behind too much.

No, actually, I was leaving behind everything I had, apart from a handful of photos and one notebook.

I don't feel I deserve this cruel torture.

I didn't do anything to deserve it.

oOo 2 hours and 43 minutes oOo

The moment I saw them, my eyes fell on him for longer than on the rest of my band mates. They all looked distressed, holding back their true emotions.

Toshiya was the first one to break the spell. He ran up to me and hugged me tightly. I was even surprised by how much his whole body screamed of pain he was feeling.

But I didn't have time to comfort him or anyone else.

My eyes fell only on Kaoru.

"Can we talk for a minute?" I asked him silently, but in the emptiness of the studio my voice sounded harsh, raspy and loud.

Kaoru startled for a second and looked at me surprised, but nodded. I walked in another room and he followed, closing the door behind us. He looked questioningly at me and I faltered for a second.

But this was no win situation. I just couldn't leave without telling him, without letting him know, without giving it a chance, because later I most probably won't have another one.

I closed the distance between us and looked him in the eyes. He has a kind face. He might be goofy and playful if he wanted, but serious and reliable as well. I loved him for so many things. He was the first one I fell in love with.

"Kaoru…"

I looked him in the eyes, probably naively trying to see the same feelings for me in his eyes. But his eyes were only full of sorrow.

"Kaoru, I'm in love with you."

I say it for the first time in my life out loud. And to him on top of that.

"I've been in love with you for too long… and I…"

The shock and disbelief on his face doesn't make it easier for me to do this.

"It hurts so much to know I won't be seeing you again… for so long…"

Kaoru still keeps starring at me, dumbstruck, but finally some color gradually comes back to his face.

"I wanted to tell you that, because… because I might not have another chance to do that… ever…"

I feel my voice cracking up finally and I just lower my head. I can't do this anymore, I can't fight for myself anymore. I don't see any point in that.

I turn to leave, but Kaoru as if only now recovering from shock, grabs my arm and stops me. He then pushes me in his arms and hugs me.

I feel my whole body relax, my legs finally give in and I slump on the ground heavily. Only because Kaoru has a hold on me I don't just fall down. He sits down with me on the ground as well still hugging me tightly. I put my head on his chest and stare at the wall in front of me.

All I can feel now is pain.

"I love you so much, Kaoru…" my lips barely move, a tear runs down my cheek, but he keeps holding me in his arms.

"Kyo" he finally says, his voice shaky. "I'll be waiting for you, I promise."

I wriggle in his arms and turn to look him in the face. He looks deeply saddened and distressed.

"You will?" I ask.

"Yes" he nods.

"I love you" I whisper.

"I love you too, Kyo."

He lowers his head and kisses me on the lips gently. It feels so wonderful, but the kiss is short-lived. Kaoru kisses me ever so gently and draws back.

"I will be waiting, so don't you ever give up. Promise me you will come back home. Promise!"

I nod.

"No, say it, Kyo. Promise me!"

"I promise."

And I'll give anything to keep this promise.

There's nothing more I want now.

oOo 37 minutes oOo

We walk side by side at the beach, listening to the waves.

My mother keeps holding my hand in hers, not letting go. My farther keeps glancing at me every other second. My little sis just keeps silent. Even though she is scared, she believes most strongly than anyone else that I'll be coming back.

And now there is one more person believing I will.

Kaoru.

Why is it only just now that I got to know about your feelings to me? We lost so much precious time…

I feel the heavy notebook in the pocket of my jacket with your picture in it.

Even if I'll be forced to hand it over to the officer in charge, it will be worth it. I'm sorry, Kaoru, that people will see that picture, but I need it with me.

I look at the sky above, at the moon, looming over my head.

When the Emperor became one and only unquestionable power in Japan I didn't care and I wasn't even aware of the changes - they didn't happen over night – and I was too young to understand anything or to even care.

But at some point, slowly, the absolute power of the Emperor became unquestionable. People who thought otherwise didn't live a long and happy life. In other words, they didn't live that long after protesting at all.

When men were started to be selected nationwide for the position in the Moon station and announced publicly on the evening news every four years, I didn't really care. I never felt at risk.

I guess I was just that ignorant.

That, perhaps, was my only mistake.

But even if I knew what absolute power the Emperor held in his hands, I was nothing compared to him. I could have never bought my way out of this position that I'm in now. And I have nothing else to offer.

Only my body as a work force on the Moon.

Only my whole life.

oOo 0 minutes oOo

I take a few steps and climb inside the car.

I take the last look at my parents and my sister.

A last quick look at the sea.

Then they shut the door and start the engine.

And I am finally taken away from everything I have.

My lips contort into a grimace while I try to force them closed into thin line, biting the inside of the lower lip.

I've never felt this lonely and helpless in my whole life.

And this scared.

**TBC**

Comments would be much appreciated :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Author comment:** I tried to give as much information as I could, but it just doesn't fit in the context. As I give information from Kyo's perspective, I can't say anything that Kyo doesn't know, even if I know everything _ So I hope so far all of it makes sense…

I reread this chapter many times, but it still doesn't feel right to me… But I don't think I can keep rereading it forever, so I guess it was time to leave it as it is... :)

**CHAPTER 3 **

I watch the last of the crew members that flew me here disappear behind the elevator door and hear a loud click as the door closes. I just stand there, not even knowing what I was waiting for. I stood there for a long time, but no sound reached me through the walls.

Still, I knew they left.

I slowly turn around and face the wide white room – the main hall that has a connection to every corridor in this Facility. That's what they call it – the Facility. I had to study its plan, so even if I have just arrived, I know that if I'll go right, I'll reach the entrance to the pipes. If I go straight ahead, I'll reach the control room, the technical services room and the gym. And if I go left, I'll reach my room, the bathroom and the kitchen.

I grip the little bag I have and slowly force myself walking.

It still feels as if I was in a surreal dream. I can't be on the Moon, far away from Earth, alone. It just can't be real.

All I hear are the sound of my footsteps and the silently working mechanisms as if the Facility was calmly breathing, living a life of its own. Slowly fear creeps into me and the further I go, the more scared I feel. The grip on my bag almost feels painful, but I just can't relax. Panic starts to take over and as soon as I see the threshold of the room that was supposed to be my bedroom, I suddenly start running and burst inside.

My bag drops on the floor from my suddenly lose grip and I lean on the wall right next to me.

It's just a plain white little room with a simple bed and one cupboard for the few underwear items I have. Just a bed and a cupboard. I turn around and start running back to the bathroom – it's as tiny as my bedroom, just a shower stall, washing machine, one sink and a toilet with a little chair beside the sink. The last hope was the kitchen. I turn back and almost trip on my way there, breathing heavily, feeling as if even the air in this place was not enough.

"No!"

I can only shout in anger and disappointment. The kitchen is small, too small. Just a table and a stove with one kettle for water. There should be a storage room as well, but I just don't want to see it. All it's going to have will be shelves upon shelves of canned tuna, corn, beans, meat, potatoes and bread. Everything's canned. All the food.

Seeing the last space that was supposed to be mine so small and so miserable, I can't help but finally let my feelings out. I was keeping myself detached from what was happening as I had no choice whatsoever. I kept fooling myself that it's all a bad dream. But finally facing the reality, I have to admit to myself I can't bare it. I can't imagine myself living in this jail for four years.

Four fucking years.

"NO!" I scream and my legs give in, I slump on the floor and just stare at some spot in front of my eyes.

This is not real.

This is _not_ real.

Oh God, no, please… Kaoru… I won't be able to bare it, I won't be able to keep my promise to you and come back… I can't…

BEEP BEEP BEEP

I jump from unexpectedness and for a moment just listen at the sudden all-consuming loud noise of an alarm. It's deafening.

And slowly it sinks in.

I know what it is.

I stand up and stagger back to the hall and then go straight ahead, to the direction of the pipes. I reach a room from what I know must be a changing room. I see the disgustingly white uniforms hanging on the walls all around it. I manage to grab one with my shaky hand and take it off the handle.

Theoretically I know what I have to do.

Get undressed naked, get into the overall, zip it up all the way, put on a breathing mask and then on top of it put on a Protector (it keeps the breathing mask in place whatever happens and shields the rest of my face), put on the gloves and the shoes. Not even a smidge of my body must be left uncovered. Then take the equipment bag and go to the Connecting chamber, let the air out and then step in the corridor that connects to the entire pipe system in my area – Zone 2.

Then I have to look which pipe system is requiring attention. There are little numbers with lights underneath and whichever light is red, that pipe system is clogged. There I have to go and fix it. Or, to be more exact, crawl there looking for whatever is on my way inside the pipe.

It all sounds so clear in theory. But when I have to take off my clothes and get into that suit, my hands are trembling so bad I can barely zip it. I almost forget the equipment bag. I don't find the right buttons in the Connecting Chamber. And when the air is sucked out and the doors open, I just stare with my eyes wide and my stiff body doesn't make a move, even if I know I have to get out of there.

Slowly, with shaking legs I leave the Connecting Chamber and the doors behind me close. The noise of the alarm immediately is sucked in and it becomes very silent - thick and eerie silence, deafening me with heavy nothingness.

All I can see is one little light flashing red on one of the walls. I step closer and look at the number. It says 164, Pipe System 5 underneath it. I take a deep breath and head for the right entrance.

When I reach the entrance to the pipe system and kneel down, I feel panic coming back to me. The pipe is so narrow that for a moment I even think I won't fit in there. But I have to. If not because I care about their fucking business on the Moon, but for my own miserable life.

If one pipe gets clogged for too long, some other ones near it will get clogged as well and then the whole thing will be under so much pressure that it will simply blow up.

And for the love of God I can't remember how long can these pipes be clogged. Ten minutes? Half an hour? An hour?

Whichever case it is, I have to hurry. Even if I don't feel ready. Even if my whole body trembles with denial and fear, refusing to accept the reality.

It's too soon.

I'm not ready.

I take a deep, shuddering breath and get in.

I can barely fit in. It feels like I'm crawling too slowly, the bag in front of my face keeps getting in my way, it is hard to breathe and hard to see anything through the Protector. I know there's enough air in my mask, but I can't shake off the feeling that it will abruptly end and I will suffocate in this constricted tunnel, so far away from home. The air coming through the pipes keeps forcing me back or forth as if it was a particularly heavy wind or even storm outside. But it wasn't wind, it's something that was built in the pipes due to some shit they didn't care to explain. Or simply I wasn't allowed to know.

I didn't even know what exactly these pipes were for. It wasn't my job to know. My job was to clean them.

So I grit my teeth and keep crawling forward, changing the directions as the pipes branch. Finally I reach a dead end or at least it looks like one. In reality, it's a mixture of little stones, so tightly stacked one on the other that they completely clog the pipe, not letting anything in or out of it.

I open the bag and take out the little drilling device. It comes to life as soon as I touch the button and I start randomly sticking it in the smallest of holes between the stones, trying to remember how this thing works.

Shreds of little stones, separated from the piled up bigger ones, keep shooting in every direction and I keep closing my eyes, afraid they might hurt them, even though I know that I'm safe in my suit.

When finally a little hole appears in the wall of stones, a gush of air hits me. The ventilation in pipes is very effective, so even a little hole like this one will reassume the flow of air in the pipes.

I keep drilling and the little stones keep flying away, swept by the strong gust of air. Somehow slowly the whole thing gets free from the stones and I put the little drill inside the bag again.

Now all I want is to be out of here.

I try to move and for one terrible moment I think I got stuck. But somehow I manage to force myself move backwards, even if so very slowly. I keep looking at the directions on the walls and after what seems like forever I feel my legs dangling freely in the open space. I hurriedly wriggle out of the pipe and sit on the ground.

I keep breathing so deep I can hardly stop. My eyes are wide and scared.

I stand up and almost run for the exit. And I only feel easier when I get out of the damn suit, get into my own clothing and leave the fucking changing room.

I run to my bedroom and slump on the bed, breathing heavily. Only now, when it's all over, I feel like I can breathe.

I could have died there, I got stuck for a moment, rocks could have damaged the Protector, anything could have happened!

"Oh God…" I put my head in my hands and feel my whole body trembling all over.

All is lost.

My life, my whole life. How am I supposed to survive here alone, for four years? How?

If only I could, there would be Kaoru waiting for me. We didn't have anything. Nothing. Just that one little kiss.

And I loved him so much for so long.

Unrequited love is terrible. It's torturing you and there's no salvation. Loving Kaoru made me miserable most of the time. And now…

"Kaoru… Kaoru…" I chant to myself, the sound of his name easing off the weight on my chest just a little.

I grip the sheets in my hands and keep breathing heavily, as if still afraid that I might suffocate.

I can't believe this.

I can't be alone on the planet that's not our Earth. I can't be forced to slave here for four years and pretend to be honored to do so. I can't be blackmailed to submission fearing they will come after my family and friends if I refused to do as they wanted.

I just can't be here all alone.

Completely alone.

For four fucking years.

**TBC**

I'd like to know what the mood of the chapter for you felt like? :) I can't help but find this chapter somewhat boring and flat, and terribly written (I really am unhappy with this chapter for some reason). But I hope it's not that bad… I hope it's just me being me…


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4 **

There was nothing to do about it.

Kyo was gone. The band no longer existed. The life he was used to was taken away from him. He had to start a new one. He had to move on, even if it left him feeling immensely guilty. As if moving on meant completely forgetting Kyo and adjusting his life so that he wouldn't feel the absence of his dear friend at all.

But it was hard to accept that. It was hard for Shinya to calmly look at his childhood friend being taken away for something so terrible and not being able to protest. The Emperor took so many freedoms away from people, but these missions were the worst thing ever, the only thing Shinya hated with passion.

Everyone knew what lay behind the pretence pride of the families and friends of men who were taken away and yet, nobody could say a word.

Shinya looked out the car window in disdain, knowing full well he couldn't yet see the moon at this hour.

It's been a year and five months since Kyo has been sent away and all he got was one message. He knew Kyo could record one message per month to a person of his choice and they would send it to that person. So it usually was Kyo's parents or his sister that he kept in contact with. He and the other three – Die, Toshiya and Kaoru – just got a couple of messages dedicated to all three of them during that whole time.

Shinya got his personal message from Kyo eight months ago and already back then he didn't like the sound of Kyo's voice and the look of complete loneliness and tiredness on his face.

Maybe this was the reason that finally helped him to decide. Apart from the fact that he was missing Kyo badly. But seeing Kyo, their lively and energetic vocalist, reduced to skinny, tired and lifeless, soulless being, made his heart ache and made his need to reach out to him grow ten times bigger than it already was.

_He said it was perfectly safe. Nobody will find out, as long as the three of us will keep quiet about it. _

Shinya knew he was just trying to convince himself he wasn't taking any risks. But Haku said there was no risk. Haku said he finally nailed it. Haku said he can break into Emperor's communication with the moon system – break through their security and have a direct face time call with Kyo.

Which sounded insane.

And at the same time exciting.

"It'll be fine" Shinya said to himself. Of course there was a risk – they were trying to outsmart the Emperor, after all. But Haku was a computer wizard, he could do anything!

"Right" Shinya nodded, agreeing with his own thoughts.

When he finally reached his friend's house, he felt a little bit more reassured. And very much excited.

"Shinya, finally!"

Haku opened the door to him and rushed Shinya inside.

"Come on, everything's almost ready!"

"Really?" Shinya asked, surprise evident in his voice. "I thought it will take hours before we get in the system?"

"It does take hours, but I started early – I couldn't wait! It's such a challenge!"

Haku's eyes were shining with excitement. It was most probably the biggest challenge he ever had.

"Haku, are you sure it is really safe?" Shinya asked.

"Don't worry, I know what I'm doing!"

Seeing Shinya still look at him hesitantly, Haku smiled.

"I was preparing for this for almost two months, Shinya. I thought about everything. We'll be safe. Kyo will be safe as well. Not a soul will know about it."

Shinya breathed easier despite himself.

"That's good to know" he said silently, but smiled to his friend at the same time.

"So let's go! No need to waste precious time!"

Haku headed straight to his office where his computers were. Shinya watched his life-long friend, watched his eager steps and his small, but firm body clad in jeans and a simple t-shirt, his black as night spiky hair. And he hoped that by asking Haku if it was possible to reach Kyo he didn't put him in a fatal danger.

But Shinya knew that after mentioning this to Haku there was no turning back. Haku was an obsessive hacker and he met this idea as a personal challenge. After Shinya planted the idea in his head without meaning to, there was no turning back.

"Sit, Shinya! Now look at the screen and when you see right here in this table the red light turn green, press this button" Haku pointed his finger at the screen "and your job is done. If I did everything right, Kyo would answer the call in a few minutes."

Shinya nodded and sat down. He started starring at the screen intensely and with every passing minute was getting more and more impatient. He heard Haku typing away at his computer, heard him swear a few times, then snigger, then snort and finally – silence.

Few more seconds later the red button suddenly turned green and Shinya pressed the mouse with his finger with such carefulness and speed as never before in his life.

At first nothing happened. But then the screen turned black and the green button in the middle of the screen started flashing.

"We got through to him" Haku whispered.

They both held their breaths and waited.

Every second dragged forever. Kyo could simply not pick up – he might not know how, he might not hear, he might not even be anywhere close to his control room.

And then, just like that, the screen turned white and slowly instead of a colourful blotch in the middle of it, Kyo's face emerged into focus, looking utterly confused.

"Kyo?" Shinya couldn't believe his eyes.

"Sh-shinya?" Kyo stammered, looking shocked.

"Kyo, I'm so happy to see you! We managed to get through to you and call you! Can you imagine?"

Kyo looked dumbstruck, but gradually some colour was coming back to his face. And tears were gathering up in his eyes.

"Shinya, it's really you here, right at this moment? Not just a message?"

"Yes, it's really me!"

Haku managed to blend into the background, watching his computer screen in case they had to immediately stop the call and save their asses. Kyo could only see Shinya and Haku was perfectly fine with that. He only saw Kyo a few times before at Shinya's birthdays and after the concerts Shinya invited him. Kyo would even hardly remember him.

"Kyo, how are you?"

It was a stupid thing to ask, but Shinya sincerely wanted to know. It's not like Kyo could tell what was really happening in his recorded messages. Each and every one of their messages was always checked and anything that wasn't liked by the emperor's dogs was just simply cut out.

"I want to go home, Shinya" Kyo said, his voice breaking already. "I want to go home badly…"

"You're doing great, Kyo. Almost half of the time has passed. Just hold on and you'll find yourself stepping out on Earth. You'll see!"

Kyo was silent for a moment, watching Shinya's happy face and finally smiled a little.

"How are you, Shinya? How is everybody else doing? How's… Kaoru?"

"Everyone's fine. We all found new jobs, so we still keep going – paying the bills and having a drink on Friday nights. You know, the usual stuff. But Kyo, how are you feeling? How are you holding up?"

"I'm… I'm trying not to give up…" Kyo admits silently. "But it's… it's very hard…"

"Kyo…" Shinya wants to comfort him, but knows there's nothing he can say to make Kyo feel better.

"I'm turning into a proper insomniac. And when I do manage to fall asleep, I wake up feeling like I'm suffocating – it takes some time for the panic to go away. And all this celibacy is driving me crazy. I started talking to myself on regular basis."

"Don't you have any sleeping pills?"

"Even if I had any, I couldn't use them. I have to always be aware when the alarm goes off."

Shinya wants to ask what alarm, but it means wasting precious time they have. One way or the other, it has to do with the job Kyo is doing there. And no one really knows what exactly Kyo does up there.

"We've got only a few minutes."

Kyo nods.

"Shinya, please, can you give Kaoru my message?"

"Of course."

"Please tell him I'm trying very hard to keep my promise to him. Will you tell him that?"

"Don't worry, Kyo, I will."

"Thank you."

"Kyo… I want you to know I always think about you. We all do. We never forgot you and we're waiting for you to come back. Even if you're all alone up there physically, you've got all of us praying for you and waiting for you."

"Thanks, Shinya…"

Shinya looked at Kyo more closely. He didn't like that general feeling of acceptance on Kyo's face. Kyo used to be a fighter. But this Kyo looked like he was on the verge of giving up.

"Kyo, I need you to promise me something."

Kyo nodded.

"Do everything you can to survive. Everything! You have to come back home!"

Kyo hesitated a moment, perhaps thinking it wasn't the kind of promise he could make, but determination to fight in Shinya's eyes made him feel a little bit less hopeless than he was feeling for the past months. And just seeing Shinya for real made him feel like not all was lost yet.

"I promise."

Suddenly Shinya felt Haku nudge his side.

"Time's up, Kyo" Shinya said, regret seeping in his every word.

Kyo leaned in and put an arm on the screen as if trying to reach Shinya through it.

"Thank you so much, Shin-chan" he whispered.

"Stay strong, Kyo. I know you can. I'll be seeing you soon. Don't forget that."

"I won't."

And just like that the screen went black and the red light came to life again.

Shinya sat frozen in his seat for some time, starring at the screen. Then slowly a few tears found their way out of his eyes. Shinya wiped them with the back of his hand silently.

"He looked so… it's just… it's terrible…"

Haku put a hand on Shinya's shoulder in comfort.

"Some people do come back. Why Kyo can't be one of those?"

Shinya nodded.

"Yeah, you're right. It's just…"

"I know."

They were silent for some time.

"I'll get something to drink" Haku finally said and stood up.

Shinya just nodded, still starring at the black screen, wishing those few minutes they had were longer. Wishing he would have said that he always loved Kyo as a friend. Wishing he said he valued Kyo's friendship as much as he valued his family. Wishing he would have come up with something more reassuring and comforting to say.

A distant sound of something heavy falling startled him from his thoughts.

"Haku?"

Shinya kept still and listened. Suddenly he realized it all was very quiet. Haku was supposed to be in the kitchen, browsing through the bottles and looking for the bottle opener, getting the crisps from the cupboard. Or at least doing something else.

"Haku?"

Suddenly Shinya heard silent footsteps, but instead of relaxing, he tensed. It didn't sound like Haku's bare feet on the ground. It sounded more like heavy boots on the wooden floor.

Shinya stood up, hastily thinking what to do.

He only managed to take a couple of steps backwards when a man dressed in black stepped into the room.

He saw the man lift his hand and point a gun at him.

In one moment, as quick as a blink of an eye, Shinya felt terror, panic, fear, he felt cold sweat break through his skin, his legs turn into jelly, he felt his breath getting stuck in his throat, he had a terrible picture of Haku, lying on the floor in the kitchen, bleeding to death, he had tens of stupid ideas of what to do to save himself.

And then the last thing he ever saw – a bullet flying through the air directly at his head - and realising at the same time that this was the last precious moment of his life.

And then…

…nothing.

TBC

Ummm… Yeah, that's how it ends…

So what do you guys think? :) I don't want you to start saying things you don't really mean, but just an honest opinion :) Is it ok? A little better than ok? Ahhh, I don't know… I push myself too hard over something like fanfiction…

Anyways, hope you enjoyed reading this :) I'll do my best at making this as good as I can :)

I didn't want to go into too much detail in this chapter about how they reached Kyo, who's Haku, etc. The point of this chapter was the call and its consequences… So I think this chapter turned out alright… Hopefully :D lol


	5. Chapter 5

**Author comment:** As I said, I didn't research anything about technology, space travel and other stuff like that. But I did look up what social isolation and sensory deprivation does to people, so I tried my best to portray Kyo's psychological, physical and emotional state as accurately as I could :)

**CHAPTER 5 **

The ringing in my ears reassumed.

I sank deeper into the blanket and forced myself to lay still. Maybe I'll fall asleep. I need to sleep at least for a couple of hours. I feel exhausted. My toes are as cold as two pieces of ice. I forgot to put on socks again, but now I don't want to get up anymore and look for them. Maybe soon it'll get warmer.

Minutes pass, the ringing in my ears intensifies, the irritating itching in my throat gets stronger. I already forgot what it's like not to have a cold. I've been constantly sick, every fucking day.

Finally I give up and open my eyes.

There's a pair of legs in front of me, clad in polished black shoes and tailored trousers.

I don't lift my eyes to look who it is. I know him too well by now.

"Go the fuck away" I snarl. "I want to sleep."

I close my eyes again and grit my teeth. The cold slowly spreads from my toes through my legs to my hands like an incurable disease. I try very hard not to give in to shivering and ignore it. The ringing in my ears intensifies. Everything else is very quiet, so I know he's still here.

Finally, after long minutes I hear him walk away from my bedroom. He's now in the kitchen, browsing through my leftovers.

I can't sleep.

I open my eyes yet again and stare at the white wall in front of me.

It's getting hard to breathe.

I clear my throat and wet my dry lips. I wonder if I tried to sing, what would come out of me? I haven't tried it ever since they took me away. And it's been three years, four months and eight days. If it's hard sometimes to remember where I left my boxers or what I had for breakfast, I never fail to remember the exact amount of time I already spent here.

Maybe, just maybe, I will pull through. After all, not much is left…

"Oh, fuck it!"

I stumble out of bed and almost fall as my legs by now are nothing but two frozen logs.

Time is not something I think about. No. It's better I didn't know how much time I spent here or how much more time is left.

It doesn't matter.

Every day feels like a year to me.

I drag my tired feet to the kitchen. I wish I could sleep, but lately it's been impossible. I don't remember when was the last time I slept longer than for a couple of hours.

"You look like shit" he says when I enter the kitchen. I throw him a nasty glare, but he just smirks back at me.

"Piss off" I mumble, not in the mood to talk to him today. I feel anger slowly building up in the deepest, darkest corner of my chest and I can't do anything about it. It'll only grow and expand, I won't be able to control it when it'll seep through me like an overfilled cup of water.

Last time it happened I smashed all the mirrors in the bathroom. When I was finally aware of my surroundings, I was bleeding badly. If I would have stayed slumped on the floor for half an hour longer, I'd be as dead as anyone can be.

And I'm scared shitless of these moments. Because when they overwhelm me, I can't control myself. I can't stop. And once, when I do stop, it might just be too late.

I sit on the chair and hunch my shoulders. My whole body is sore and cold. If only I could just sleep…

"So, have you changed your mind?" he suddenly asks me.

From the corner of my eye, I see him unbutton the top button of his shirt, exposing more of his bare chest.

I gulp loudly and hunch over the chair, trying to be as invisible as possible. But inevitable happens.

I feel my cock give an impatient twitch as it stiffens a little, jolting up a fraction, coming back to life yet again.

"No" I push the answer through my gritted teeth.

I haven't even touched myself. I'm definitely not going to touch him.

"You're a fool" he laughs, taunting me with his poison-lased sweet voice.

It's not like I don't want to. I just simply can't. They might be watching. They might be recording. And I just… The thought of giving them more power over me than they already have is unbearable.

They're already playing with my mind as much as they can. They fabricated that call from Shinya and when I accepted it, they punished me.

I had to decline the call. And I had to immediately inform them, so that they could take any necessary measures against Shinya.

But I didn't do that. I talked with the imposter, told him things I shouldn't have told anybody. That's why the punishment was brutal. It took me weeks to recover. My hands still twitch uncontrollably sometimes as a result of what they did. And the most terrible part wasn't that they fooled me and I fell for that. It's not that they punished me for not giving Shinya over to them. It's that I had to inflict their punishment myself.

I did it with my own hands.

And it took me weeks to recover.

So I just can't touch myself or indulge in anything else. I'm afraid to do anything they might not like. Even though I crave for human touch. Sometimes I wake up with sperm all over me – my body can't endure this celibacy that was forced on me.

They put me in a cage and gave me freedom to choose when and what I ate. But if I as much as scratched my butt without their permission, I had to inflict their punishment with my own hands.

And it drove me insane with fare and panic.

"Kyo-chan" he suddenly says and I flinch from unexpectedness. "I'd say let's just do it. After all, it's just the two of us for the rest of our lives. We might as well start indulging ourselves in some pleasures."

I feel sick all of a sudden.

I only manage to reach the toilet when the previous meal of beans and sausages leaves my stomach in undigested lumps. I retch and groan, until the disgusting pieces of sour food leave my throat. I wash my mouth as well as I can and then drink some water.

Is he right? Is he saying what I'm afraid to voice out loud?

Maybe the reason why most of the people never come back is that they are simply not allowed? What if when four years come to an end, they just keep them here as if nothing has changed? What if they just pronounce their deaths to the relatives waiting back on Earth and shut them out completely? No more messages from home, no more hope, just the pipes and constant chaos of long, pointless, painful days.

"N-no…" I groan. "No…"

I just sit there, hunched over the sink, trying to make my breathing even, trying to force the panic in my chest back.

BEEEEP BEEEEP BEEEEP

I flinch startled and look around.

This is not the pipe alarm. This one is longer, I heard it only once when… when a Shinya impostor called.

I stand up on my shaky legs and slowly go to the control room. There's a green light flashing on the computer screen. I sit down in front of it and press the button, afraid of what I'll see on the other end.

"Nishimura-san" a man greets me as soon as his face focuses in the middle of the screen. I sigh in relief. This is just somebody from my training team. One of those assholes in suits, who explained me all the do's and don'ts of my time here.

"We have an emergency task for you. An accident happened in Zone 3. You need to go there and clean the main clog in the pipe. If it is left unattended until we send another Cleaner, the whole facility might explode and the production will drop down by 20%."

I stare at the screen, trying to comprehend what the meaning of what he's saying is.

"Get into the suit and go to the elevator. We will get you down to the garage. There's a Vehicle Type 13, it's clearly marked, so you won't miss it. Sit in and close the doors properly. It will take you to the Facility of Zone 3 automatically. You won't need to drive it. The shortest and least dangerous path has been preselected many years before and is checked every 6 months to be sure it is still in its best condition.

When you get inside the garage Facility of Zone 3, everything else is the same. Go to the elevator, we will get you up, then go to the Connecting Chamber. There will be a lot of clogs in the pipes, but first go for the Pipe System 12, number 109. That's the biggest risk and the biggest problem in the Facility."

I still stare at the screen, not even nodding.

"We will minimize the production of your facility while you'll be away, so the possibility of your pipes clogging will be reduced to a minimum. You'll have plenty of time to sort out Zone 3, come back to Zone 2 and sort out the pipes here."

Finally I manage a stiff nod.

"Go right now, Nishimura-san. It is an emergency situation."

I nod, but the screen is already black and the red button is glowing in the middle of it again.

I stand up and somehow find my way to the Connecting chamber. After getting into the suit I go to the elevator – for the second time since I came here. I only wait for a few seconds and the door opens. Slowly, but steadily I am taken down a few levels and the door opens again.

This is not the same place where I arrived. This looks more like a normal hangar with various equipment and vehicles. I look for the one named Type 13. I get in and close the door with my trembling fingers.

Then the most amazing and scary thing happens. The door to the outside world starts opening. I hold my breath and wait.

Before me lies a vast endless expanse of nothing but grey rocks. Then I slowly lift my eyes to look at the starts. There's nothing. Just thick and heavy blackness. And eerie silence. Just the silent humming of the Vehicle Type 13 reaches my ears.

A sudden loud BEEP startles me.

"Present point – Facility of Zone 2. Destination – Facility of Zone 3" cold robotic voice states. Then the machine jerks and starts moving.

I try to turn back and look at the Facility and its closing door, but I can't. There's no window at the back. I grip the wheel just to have some sense of stability and watch as the vehicle moves along the barely seen path. It jerks a lot met by the rocks in its way. But it is moving.

I stare at the view in front of me transfixed.

It's the first time I'm out.

It's exciting, but at the same time very scary. Anything can happen and I can be left on my own in the middle of nothing. Then I would just take my helmet off and die. Perhaps a very terrible death, but it'd be better than waiting for the oxygen to finish.

But somehow as time passes I get calmer. It's beautiful. Even if it makes me feel like I fell in one of those Black Holes, swallowed by nothing but darkness.

I don't look around to see how much time passes, but it's hours before I finally see Facility of Zone 3. It's huge, bigger than what I thought it is. That means, the one I live in is of the same size as well, even though the few rooms I use would only take as much space as a three-bedroom flat would take. Everything else is the same – the doors open, I am driven inside, I go to the elevator which is exactly in the same place as in my Facility, I am taken upstairs and get out of the elevator to find the same hall, looking identical to the one I arrived at.

Though there was one big difference. The constant BEEP of the alarm, stronger and more unnerving than I've ever heard it. So I quickly move to the connecting chamber and reach the pipes.

For a moment I just stare at all the flashing lights. There are at least 20 clogged pipes! If I had time to count each and every one of them, there'd be more. But I don't waste time, I get my equipment bag and move to the Pipe System 12, number 109 – the one where the biggest problem was.

Pipes are somewhat wider here. Not much, but I can feel that tiny difference, it's a little easier to move forward. I get further and further until I'm very deep in the pipes, deeper than I've ever went and I start feeling uneasy.

And a sudden trail of some red liquid suddenly materializing in the middle of my path makes me halt.

Blood.

It can only be blood.

I swallow the unpleasant lump in my throat and start moving forward on my shaky arms.

I never allowed myself to think about the one working in this facility and what happened to him, but now I will have to. Now most probably I will even see…

The thin trickle widens until it paints the entire surface of the ground. My white gloves became of a dirty red color. And then suddenly…

There are feet in the tunnel. And stones lying on and around them. And a lot of blood.

The shallow breaths I take do not go down my throat and I suddenly feel like somebody's squeezing it, gripping it tightly and just waiting for me to suffocate.

My breathing becomes shallow and ragged and quick, and I lower my head so that I wouldn't see the feet, but the blood – so much blood – is still all around me, over me, in me – I'm sure it got inside the suit and stained my skin and reached my every cell – and I can't breathe, I can't breathe, I can't breathe - - -

"Aahhhhh!" the sound that comes from my mouth sounds like somebody else's panic stricken voice. Not mine. This animalistic guttural scream is not mine.

Breathe.

I tell myself – breathe!

The little breaths equalize to my madly beating heart in a panic-stricken pace.

Then I close my eyes and hold my breath.

I slowly count to ten.

Then I let the air out and take a deep breath.

And I feel it finally reach my lungs and fill every dry and thirsty corner.

I don't open my eyes for now.

I know what I have to do. It was in the emergency instructions I had to read before leaving.

I've got my drill. I've got my stones clogging the pipe. I've got my additional obstacle.

I have to drill right through everything in my way and unclog the pipe.

I open my eyes and look at my gloved trembling fingers.

One step at a time.

Take the bag. Take out the drill. Stare at the ground and - - -

- - - do the job.

oOoOoOo

My skin is already red from the hot water and wrinkled. When I feel I can no longer keep standing, I turn the water off and step out of the shower.

He's here, watching me as always. I wonder if he's not sweating in all the steam of the shower in his black suit.

I find a towel and dry myself, then examine every patch of skin looking for any traces of blood. But there's nothing, I'm clean.

I wish I could get a drink. At least one. One glass of beer. Or any alcohol.

I throw the towel on the ground angrily and get into the same white trousers and shirt.

"And here I was, enjoying the show" he says disappointed.

I ignore him and go out of the shower. I feel exhausted. My legs are trembling and barely keeping me up. I go to the bedroom and fall on the bed, closing my eyes.

Images of tiny pieces of flesh scattered all over the surface of the pipes springs in front of my eyes.

I open them and stare at his two legs in front of me.

"Go away" I mumble, lacking the energy to be more persistent.

"Shitty day?" he chuckles.

I feel something starting to crawl at my feet, slowly making progress up my legs. I grit my teeth and try to ignore it.

"It's not real" I mumble to myself.

I know it's not real. I've checked every time I felt those things crawling up my skin, getting under it. I know it's not real.

But at this moment it feels too real to me.

When finally some of those things get too close to my penis, I throw the blanket aside ant look down, panicking for a moment.

Ugly slimy worms are all over my legs, all over my bed, around me.

I jump out of bed screaming and start throwing those things off my skin, thrashing around desperately.

"Get off me! Get off me!"

I stumble over something and fall to the ground. The worms are gone from my legs.

Thank God.

I hunch and circle my hands around my legs, trying to squeeze myself in the corner of the room as much as I can.

Thankfully, my eyes feel too heavy, my body too tired.

The ringing in my ears reassumes, but it is like a distant echo this time.

For once I fall into a deep dreamless sleep.

oOoOoOo

BEEP BEEP BEEP

**TBC**

Not sure what to say more about this chapter… I'm still not happy with the quality of my writing in this story…

I don't think I'll be able to post another chapter this month, got too much on my hands as it is with work and studying and then I'm going for a short holiday ^^ So probably I'll see you only in August ^^

Comments would be lovely, dears ^^


	6. Chapter 6

**Beta reader:** LurksInTheShadow

**Author comment: **This chapter was hard to write, I just couldn't think of how everyone must be feeling at this point and what scenes to include in this chapter :( But I did the best I could with this one :) Hope you'll like it ^^

**CHAPTER 6**

The whole time I felt as if I was holding my breath, my lips pressed tightly together, unwilling to breathe, even though my face was turning blue.

Was it real?

Earth.

With its colours, sounds, smells, and sunshine. With the wind on my skin and food that actually has taste. The rain and clouds, buildings, cars, vans, and busses. With human touch, and… the people.

Crowds upon crowds of people.

All of that, which was all I ever dreamed of, wasn't familiar anymore.

It was frightening.

Mind blowing.

Making me hold my breath.

But I wanted it badly, I wanted it almost as bad as I wanted Kaoru.

And here I am.

Home.

And it feels alien to me.

Frightening.

But promising as well.

Promising me a better future – at least better than the one I had for four years.

And Kaoru.

As long as the future held Kaoru in it, I'll be fine.

I should be fine from now on.

oOoOoOo

Kyo opened his eyes slowly, not really wanting to wake up yet, but the sun kept irritating him. Somebody must have opened the blinds while he was sleeping. Kyo turned onto his side and stared at the floor in front of him.

The man in the black suit was not here this morning again. Probably stayed up there, in the Facility, keeping company to the new guy who was sent in exchange of Kyo.

Kyo took a deep breath, willing himself not to start panicking again.

It took days for him to let doctors and his family to convince him he was really back home. The whole time he was flying back to Earth, he kept thinking it was one huge hallucination or a dream, or maybe that this was how dying was like. And even when he came back, when his parents and his sister hugged him, he couldn't believe it was real.

Now, slowly, the realisation was settling down and steadily, slowly, but reassuringly, the feeling of being home, of being safe, was taking place in his head instead of that constant fear.

"Home…"

Saying it out loud made it more real to him. He was afraid to let himself relax and be happy completely. His happiness was measured, careful, controlled.

Kyo haven't seen Kaoru yet. In fact, he hasn't seen anyone except for his parents and sister, and this made him feel restless. Nobody was allowed to visit him, even if Kyo would have welcomed his friends happily. Especially he couldn't wait to see Kaoru. He thought of sneaking out of the hospital, but didn't want to agitate his mother too much and worry his father and sister. So he decided he could wait. He's waited so long; he could wait for a few more days.

Yes, he was underfed, skinny, pale, weak, and delusional, but he had nothing life-threatening and he believed hecould rest at home. But of course, nobody asked his opinion.

"Kaoru…" Kyo whispered, as if by calling out his name he would manage to make Kaoru materialize in front of him, to make him come to the hospital.

Suddenly the doors opened and Kyo turned his head just slightly to see who it was. His sister, smiling gently, crossed the room and sat on a chair beside his bed.

"You've slept in today?"

"Yeah… I managed to get a couple hours of sleep…"

Which was one more problem among many. His insomnia seemed not to go, even if there were no pipes to unclog anymore.

"They'll sort you out, Tooru, you'll see" she smiled.

"I wish they would hurry, I want to see my friends."

His sister grimaced for just a split second, but Kyo managed to catch the look and frowned, looking at her.

"Do you know anything about how they are doing?"

She fidgeted a little, looking nervous.

"I'm not sure I should be telling you anything at this point. Doctors say you're still very much in shock."

"Just tell me, because now I'll just worry!"

She glanced nervously at the doors as if to make sure they are really properly closed and then looked back at her brother.

"Well, everyone's fine as far as I know. Except for… Well, Shinya, your band mate, you know… he…"

Something stirred up deep inside Kyo and he started listening intently.

"Shinya was at his friend's house and there was a fire and… and they both died… Police said it was a simple neglect of the old electricity system in the house, left unattended for years…"

"When… when did it happen?" Kyo asked, his voice sounding thin and shaky.

"It was around a year and five months since you left. His death was all over the newspapers and television, because since you were taken, the remaining band mates were one of the biggest interests to the media."

Kyo's sister gently squeezed his arm in comfort, trying to channel at least a grain of sympathy to him.

But aterrible conclusion inevitably formed in Kyo's mind, slowly letting out the roots and getting a firm hold in place.

"When they let you out of the hospital, you can go visit Shinya's grave with your band mates" she added silently.

Kyo managed a stiff nod, but his eyes filled with tears and it took all his willpower not to let them fall.

It's like all he's been doing since he came back was cry.

He felt like an old mouldy vase that fell to the ground and broke. It was worthless, but they still tried to glue it together. And while they managed to put the pieces back, it was left looking ugly, patched up in random places, not suitable to even be placed in a flat of an old lady who smelled of medicine and piss.

So out of place.

Useless.

He felt like a smallest thing would make him fall apart.

His sister stayed for the whole afternoon. She held Kyo's hand and talked to him. She talked about the few times she saw Shinya and how happy he looked. How much he waited for Kyo to come back.

But Kyo didn't hear her.

Only a whisper of a man in a black suit and his polished shoes reached his ears.

_You killed him. _

oOoOoOo

Kaoru was nervous.

It's been eight days since Kyo had arrived back home, back to Earth and yet… No word has been heard about him. Not from television, not from his parents, not from his friends.

Kaoru didn't want to think the worst has happened. He knew he had to wait, but knowing nothing was a torture. He already lost one friend. He couldn't take it if Kyo was a goner as well…

A bell at his door rang and Kaoru startled, lifting his head in surprise to the direction of the hall. Die wasn't supposed to come today. He said he'll be back only on Sunday.

Kaoru put a cup back and went to open the door.

And he froze, starring.

"Kyo?"

He couldn't believe his eyes.

"Kaoru**,**" Kyo exhaled his name with a trembling, deep voice.

Kyo was thinner than he used to be, his eyes – they looked like two dead pools of black dirty water – his eyes were permanently engraved with black circles from what could only be countless sleepless nights, slightly trembling hands, black as night lifeless looking hair and most prominent change of all – sickly pale, yellowish skin.

"Kyo…" Kaoru pulled him in his arms, pressing Kyo's fragile frame in his embrace. Kyo circled his arms around Kaoru's waist and buried his head in the crook of Kaoru's neck.

They stood like that for ages.

Or what felt like the most bittersweet eternity.

Kaoru listened to Kyo's little sharp breaths and hiccups, felt him trembling, felt his thin bony fingers squeeze the living out of his t-shirt.

"Kyo… you're back…"

Finally Kaoru found the strength to move and pulled Kyo inside the house, closing the door behind them. Kyo looked up at him, his eyes red, his cheeks wet from tears.

"I'm back…"

Kyo leaned in and with his trembling lips touched Kaoru's– carefully, lovingly, desperately. 

Kaoru closed his eyes and kissed Kyo back gently, afraid to put more force into the kiss, because Kyo looked so fragile, so torn apart, so defeated.

"I love you, Kaoru-kun…" Kyo whispered, his voice so heavy with despair and need that it pierced right into Kaoru's heart.

Kaoru closed his eyes for a moment, gathering all the strength he had.

"I was waiting for you, Kyo-kun… all this time."

He felt Kyo press deeperinto the embrace and there was a hardness in Kyo's pants that was impossible to ignore. The need in Kyo's every jerky movement was evident. Kaoru looked deep in Kyo's eyes, but there was only complete and undivided trust and need in them.

"I'm back…" Kyo whispered, on the verge of tears again. It's as if he still couldn't believe it himself. It's as if he thought he was dreaming and didn't want the dream to end.

Kaoru slowly lowered his hand and put it gently over Kyo's clothed cock. That was enough to make Kyo inhale sharply and push back, the pleasure on his face so sweet and desperate.

"Please…Kaoru… please…"

Kaoru unzipped Kyo's jeans and slowly, hesitantly, put his hand inside Kyo's boxers, wrapping his fingers around hot, tightly stretched skin, around hard as stone erection, already seeping with precum. He gave a few hesitant, experimental jerks and Kyo moaned, closing his eyes, but tightening his grip on Kaoru. Kyo's breathing became deep, his need almost painful.

Kaoru started slowly stroking Kyo, but even he could feel Kyo was so much on the verge he will soon finish. And looking at Kyo right at that moment, so not like theKyo he knew four years ago, Kaoru felt anger and pain.

Rage was boiling inside him for those who did all this to Kyo. To Kyo, who was a kind person, who was lovable, grumpy in the mornings, but sweet and funny. Who did nothing wrong but write controversial lyrics to their songs.

To Kyo whom he loved - it was impossible not to.

He squeezed Kyo's cock harder than he intended, momentarily overcome by a wave of anger, and Kyo cried in pleasure, releasing himself all over Kaoru's hand.

Kyo's body shivered uncontrollably for a few moments, he trembled in Kaoru's arms and then slowly, gradually, he slumped against Kaoru's body, trapped between his lover and the wall.

And then he cried.

It was as if he couldn't control his raging emotions anymore. Couldn't control his body. Couldn't control his mind.

Kaoru held him close the entiretime.

It was only late into the night that Kyo fell asleep in Kaoru's bed, but his cheeks were still wet from tears.

oOo 2 weeks later oOo

His mother threw a very suspicious glare at him, but Kyo could only sit and wait for her to do as he asked. Since he ran away from the hospital to go to Kaoru she became obsessed at keeping a close eye on him and never letting him be alone for even a second.

"Please, mother, I really want some real coffee and chocolate. I won't go anywhere. Besides, my friends should be here any moment – I won't go anywhere!"

She pursed her lips tightly, but finally nodded. She took her bag and looked at her son reprovingly.

"Since you behaved like an immature kid, they tightened the security around your ward, so even if you tried running away again, you wouldn't achieve anything this time."

"I won't, mother, I promise."

She finally relaxed a little and nodded.

"I won't be in a hurry, I'll let you talk with your friends as much as you like."

"Thanks."

She went out and Kyo closed his eyes for a moment.

Die, Toshiya and Kaoru should be here any minute. The doctor agreed to let them be the first visitors to see Kyo**,** and Kyo was very grateful. He wanted to see all of them, to make sure that nobody else was hurt. Because Shinya…

Kyo opened his eyes and sat up, making himself comfortable. He busied himself with straightening out the sheets and rearranging the pillows – doing anything that took his mind away from other things.

When the doors finally opened, he eagerly looked up.

Toshiya was the first one to enter the ward and as soon as he saw Kyo, his face lit up with such a huge and genuine smile that it was infectious. Kyo didn't manage to even greet any of them as Toshiya lunged forward and grabbed Kyo in his arms, squeezing the living hell out of him.

"Oh my God, Kyo!" he managed to say between his happy sobs. "Kyo, you're truly here!"

Kyo answered Toshiya's hug awkwardly and smiled.

"Yeah, I'm truly here…"

He himself still couldn't fully believe it**.** But seeing his friends brought him one step closer to the realisation that this was not a dream and that he can start slowly becoming happy, because it won't disappear, it won't go away.

Kyo lifted his eyes and through Toshiya's messy hair he saw Die and Kaoru standing not far from his bed. They both looked tense for some reason, but small smiles were still lingering on their faces.

"Toshiya, I can't breathe!" Kyo actually laughed and Toshiya finally released Kyo from his hug.

"I'm so happy you're back! I'm so, so happy!"

He leaned in and pecked Kyo on the cheek, which made Kyo stare surprised at his friend, but Toshiya just grinned at him, looking like he was in seventh heaven.

"Hey, Kyo**,**" Die said and smiled. He came closer and managed to squeeze himself between Toshiya and Kyo to give Kyo a quick hug.

"So you really made it back?" Die said, smiling. "I'm happy you're alright."

"Thanks, Die" Kyo smiled back to him, but couldn't help himself feeling this was a bit too formal for Die to behave himself like that.

Kaoru also appeared close to them and gave Kyo a hug.

"So happy to see you, Kyo" Kaoru whispered and then released Kyo from his hug.

They settled themselves around the bed, but Toshiya was the one who stayed closest to Kyo and held Kyo's hand tightly, not willing to let go. Die and Kaoru settled themselves on the other side of the bed.

And then it was a moment of silence as each eyed the other, thinking their own thoughts, looking at Kyo.

"Kaoru told us you know about Shinya…" Toshiya said gently, his voice startling the silence.

Kyo gave a curt nod, but didn't trust his voice to answer. Toshiya stroked his arm gently in an attempt to comfort his friend.

"We all went to his funeral, it was very beautiful. They reported it on evening news and showed a short clip about Shinya."

Kyo just nodded, not looking at anyone. He was afraid they would see the guilt written all over his face.

"Shinya would have been ecstatic to see you return home" Kaoru said and Kyo finally looked up. Kaoru's eyes were gentle and caring, and it warmed Kyo's heart.

Kyo nodded, struggling with his emotions.

If only they knew…

Die put a hand on Kaoru's shoulder in comfort and Kaoru returned the gesture with a smile.

"How are you feeling, Kyo?" Toshiya asked gently. "Did they say when they're going to let you out of here?"

Kyo shook his head.

They said the problem was his weakness and his insomnia. But if Kyo was right at thinking they were watching him the whole time he was there, they must have much more concerns than his insomnia or weakness. But Kyo tried his best to act normal. He just sat in bed and did everything the doctors told him.

He wanted to be out of this hospital as soon as possible.

"There's so much security around this hospital" Die said, looking at Kyo. "I wonder how you ever managed to escape."

"I lied" Kyo said, which was exactly what he did. He told one security guard he needed a toilet, another one that he was getting a cup of tea and somehow, all the way until the exit, he managed to sneak out.

"And anyways, all of this security is not really for me" Kyo said. "This hospital is Emperor's hospital, so many rich and influential people are treated here. I just happen to be one of those accidental unimportant crazies."

"You're not, Kyo!" Toshiya said angry. "You're not crazy."

Kyo just shrugged.

"I don't think I am, but my doctor did tell me I am mentally unstable."

"Well that's bullshit!" Toshiya said angrily. "Of course you have problems, because you've been alone for such a long time, but you're not crazy! You don't look crazy to me!"

Kyo smiled at Tohiya's anger and looked back at Kaoru.

It was strange to look at him, because he instantly remembered his plight, his breakdown in Kaoru's arms and his unexpected release. There was nothing to do about it, he dreamed about making love to Kaoru for years. He just wished it didn't end that way. He wished Kaoru would have given more, would have let Kyo touch him, pleasure him - Kyo would have let Kaoru take him no questions asked.

But Kaoru said it was not the time.

And perhaps he was right.

But all Kyo wanted was closeness to the one he loved. He wished Kaoru would sit close to him, would take his hand instead of Toshiya, would show affection openly. But Kaoru didn't want the public to know about them, so Kyo had nothing else to do but agree. He even had to agree to keep it a secret from his friends. So that's why he was left to just stare at Kaoru and wait for the day he was finally released from the hospital. Only then they could meet and be together as a couple.

"As long as they're going to let you out, I guess it doesn't matter if they think you're crazy or not**,**" Kaoru said gently.

"What are you planning to do when they release you?" Die asked.

Kyo just shrugged.

"I didn't think about it. I guess I'll need to find a job."

"Are you planning to stay here in Tokyo?"

"Yes, of course" Kyo smiled. "I want to be close to my family and friends."

"Your family is in Kyoto."

"My parents are, but my sister and all my friends are here."

"I see."

"Kyo, I'll help you find a job!" Toshiya said. "I'll ask in my company if they need anybody. Maybe they'll agree to take you in! Unless you want to go back to singing."

Kyo laughed, even though there was nothing to be laughing about.

"No, Toshiya. I am not going back to singing."

There was something harsh and cold in Kyo's voice that prevented Toshiya from asking more even though he wanted to.

"I'm sure you'll find something" Kaoru smiled gently. "I'll help you any way I can."

Die suddenly stood up.

"I'll go get myself a cup of coffee. I didn't have any today" he said and then left the ward without turning back.

"What's up with him?" Toshiya asked, confused.

"How should I know?" Kaoru shrugged.

"He's not happy to see me" Kyo said, looking a little down for a moment.

"He is, Kyo. He just doesn't know how to show it."

Kyo looked sceptically at Kaoru, but didn't say anything else.

Toshiya squeezed Kyo's hand harder in comfort and smiled.

"Don't worry, Kyo, when you get out of the hospital, we'll go drinking. Maybe we can go to a hot spring resort together, just to relax. You won't even notice how you'll fall back in your normal life again."

"Yeah, Toshiya's right" Kaoru smiled as well and put his hand on Kyo's shoulder. "Everything's going to be fine from now on."

_Except that Shinya's dead because of me. _

"Come on, Kyo, don't get upset" Toshiya pulled Kyo's hand to his chest and cradled it there.

"I'm just… it's too much to take at once… coming back home is… overwhelming…"

"But you're not alone, Kyo. Not this time" Kaoru's gentle voice was just inches away from his ear.

Kyo turned to look at him and saw Kaoru's dark eyes staring intently in his. There was gentle understanding and warmth in Kaoru's eyes - all that Kyo wanted and needed for the past long four years.

The doors opened again and Die came back with a cup in his hands. He stopped for a moment, looking at Kaoru and Kyo just inches away from each other, looking at Toshiya cradling Kyo's hand close to his chest like it was the most precious thing in the world. Then he made himself to move and sat back on the chair next to Kaoru.

Kaoru drew back and put a hand on Die's shoulder.

"We were just talking about how all four of us can go somewhere together when Kyo is released."

"Uh-huh."

For the rest of the time they stayed, Die didn't lift his eyes to look at Kyo anymore. And when they stood to leave, Die was the first one to go out of the doors muttering a short 'bye' to Kyo.

And that left Kyo wondering if Die knew anything about the call Shinya made and how that call killed him.

And how it was Kyo's fault Shinya died.

oOoOoOo

He was itching for a cigarette, but knew it would be absolutely foolish to do so. What would then be the point of meeting in the unlit alleyway of a shitty, barely existing night club and trying to get unnoticed?

He fidgeted a little, trying to blend with the shadows and waited, listening to the noise of a busy street just round the corner.

Finally the back door of the club opened and a man in a black hooded coat came out. All he could see was the man's silhouette, but he knew who it was just by looking at the contours of the man's body. Nobody he knew was so tiny and short.

"I was already thinking you won't come" he said, looking at the hooded guy.

"I was help up. Sorry, Hisoka-san."

"It's alright. Just get to the point" Hisoka said, not wanting to spend anymore time in this place talking to the shorty longer than necessary.

"It was decided that we need Nishimura Tooru. He is, as of now, in the priority list."

It's not like Hisoka never saw that coming, but he still frowned, displeased at the news he thought he wouldn't be hearing.

"But why? We've got enough of these moon workers. It's unnecessary trouble and risk."

"It might be risky and troublesome, but if he would perform as we want, he would make the final goal easier and quicker to achieve. We need as many sane moon workers as we can get."

"So he's really sane?"

"The first one who makes most sense out of all who ever came back."

That made Hisoka silent for a while. Clearly, this was something he didn't expect.

"So just tell me what you want from me, Ryuu. Why am I here instead of doing the job I was given?"

"You're here, because they chose you to watch Nishimura until it's time to take action."

Hisoka sighed, taking his eyes off Ryuu for a moment and looking at the darkness of the empty alleyway.

"We don't need any more of those crazies."

"It's not for you to decide."

Hisoka was quiet for a moment, then put his hands in trouser pockets and stared at Ryuu.

"So Nishimura's in the priority list?"

"Yes."

"All right then. I assume you have the men ready?"

"Yes. As of tonight, we will give you six of them for you to supervise. They'll be under your command. Nishimura's family and friends are left unwatched, but if the circumstances change, it might be reconsidered."

Hisoka nodded.

"That's all then" Ryuu turned to leave.

"What about you?" Hisoka asked and Ryuu stopped, though he didn't turn to look back at the other man.

"Are you still on the same task?"

"I am still in the Emperor's palace, if that's what you're asking."

It looked as if Ryuu wanted to leave right then, but he paused again and half turned to Hisoka.

"We've waited for so many years. Shit will hit the fan very soon. We just needed them to make a tiny mistake. Nishimura was the one we so desperately needed."

Hisoka took in a breath and stared at Ryuu.

"They'll be sorry they let him live" Ryuu smirked in the darkness. Then finally turned away and left.

Hisoka waited for another four minutes and then left the alleyway himself, disappearing in the crowded street without being noticed.

**TBC**

I'm sorry it took me so long to update. I hope you liked chapter 6 ^^ And have you noticed? Chapters are getting longer! :D LOL

Comments would be absolutely lovely! ^^


	7. Chapter 7

**Beta reader: **LurksInTheShadow :)

**Author comment:** Probably half of the story is done or at least we're close to the half of it :) Not sure how many more chapters I will need, but the plot now will take a different direction and I feel like the new phase of the story is starting :)

**CHAPTER 7 **

oOo

Kyo strolled around his house aimlessly, from room to room, from one corner to another.

The man in the black suit was following him like a shadow and it was getting on Kyo's nerves.

"Just leave! Kaoru will soon be here, I don't want him to see you!"

But the man just smirked, not saying anything.

Kyo tried to ignore him and continued his pacing. He didn't know what to do. He was home for a few days already, but he still felt as if any minute somebody will come and take him away. He knew they wouldn't, but on the other hand…

"They can do whatever they want. If they think they'll need me, then they will just take me back…"

His shadow looked solemn all of a sudden and Kyo didn't need him to say anything in approval.

"Let's hope they won't ever need me" Kyo muttered, looking at his bare feet on the wooden floor. He wiggled his toes slowly, starring at them for a while.

"When is he coming?" Kyo asked, feeling desperate. "He said he'd come today!"

Kyo turned around and went back to the hall, unlocked the door and looked outside at the front yard of his house. But he only heard the man approach him from behind and stand there.

"He said he'd come…"

Kyo only bought a new mobile phone a day ago and didn't have anyone's number except for his family's. When Kaoru last visited, they agreed he'll come on this day, but anything might have happened since then.

"Maybe I should go to his place instead?"

"He said he'd come."

"Right…" Kyo looked back at the man behind him and frowned. "Can you go now? I don't want Kaoru to see you. He'll think… God knows what he'll think!"

The man finally smirked and leaned closer to Kyo.

"You really want him, not me? We spent so much time together and now you'll just ditch me for that old creepy guy?"

"Just go!" Kyo shouted, moving to the side and making some space for the man to pass. Thankfully he listened and soon was gone round the corner. Kyo sighed and sat down on the stairs outside. It was a cold day. The end of October suddenly became very chilly and rainy. But Kyo ignored cold, just rubbed his hands absentmindedly.

His house was in such a position that that people rarely passed by it. It was at the end of the street and if you went further down, there was nothing there except for the deserted old school building. The government wanted to renovate it years ago, but apparently that fell through, and it still stands deserted and falling apart. Kyo couldn't see it through his windows because of the trees, but he knew it was there. That's why nobody ever came close to his house. Apart from it, there was nothing to see and nowhere else to go. Only teenagers would sneak in the abandoned building for adventures at night sometimes.

Kyo just sat there, listening to the far-off sounds of passers-by and cars, but never seeing any. With every car coming close, he hoped it was Kaoru.

_He promised he'd come… _

Finally Kyo gave up and stood to go inside the house. At that moment, as if appearing out of nowhere, he saw a man standing right next to his fence, looking at him. Kyo faltered for a second, starring. The man looked normal, but there was something strange about him, something that Kyo couldn't quite place.

But the moment passed as quickly as it came. The man turned his eyes away and proceeded walking to the direction of the school and soon disappeared behind the green branches of the trees.

Kyo looked at that direction for a moment and stepped inside his house, locking the door again.

It was very silent in the house. Without the man in the black suit, it was empty and quiet and Kyo felt uneasy looking at the deserted hall before him.

It was wide and spacious, big and empty.

_Knock knock! _

Kyo jumped, taken by surprise. He looked back at the door thinking he must have started hallucinating. He thought he heard a knock on the door.

But it repeated again and the echo resounded in the whole empty house.

"Wh-who's there?" Kyo asked, hardly getting rid of the image of the face of a stranger behind his fence staring at him with his hollow, empty eyes.

"It's me, Kaoru."

"Kaoru…" Kyo whispered and jumped back to open the door.

Kaoru stood there, smiling slightly, with a shopping bag in his one hand, looking so handsome and so relaxed and everything just felt like home all of a sudden, with Kaoru in it.

"Kaoru!" Kyo hugged him tightly, circling his arms around his neck. Kaoru returned the hug with his one free hand, patting Kyo on the back lightly.

"Let's get inside, shall we?"

"Of course!"

As soon as they entered and Kaoru closed the door, Kyo lunged at him again and started kissing him madly. He felt Kaoru stiffen, taken by surprise, but Kyo didn't care. He was already getting hard. He couldn't endure any more of the celibacy. Four years was long enough. Now he finally had Kaoru and he wanted him.

Kyo lowered his hands on Kaoru's ass and started squeezing the cheeks. But suddenly he felt Kaoru's hands on his wrists, pushing his arms away and then pushing Kyo away altogether.

Kyo looked puzzled at Kaoru.

"I want you, Kaoru" he said. "I want you so bad…"

Kaoru lowered his eyes for a moment, looking uncomfortable.

"Look, Kyo… I don't know what you've been through up there and I wish you never had to endure it, but… I don't want to make any steps just out of desperation or… or anything else."

He looked at Kyo finally.

"I don't want to rush anything."

"But Kaoru!" Kyo cried almost desperately. "I love you! You said you love me too! What's there to rush? We've waited for too long! And sex is an undistinguishable part of any relationship! Why wouldn't you want it?"

"Kyo, I mean…" Kaoru looked quite uncomfortable now, but stood his ground. "I want what any relationship has. I want little kisses, dates, holding hands and stuff like that before we go anywhere else with this relationship."

"But… but why? Kaoru, I can't keep all of it in anymore, I feel like I'll burst any second now and I just… I just want to fuck with you! I want you – all of you! I want to kiss every inch of your body, I want to ravish you and I want you to fuck me over and over and over again! I want to come with you inside me, I've been dreaming about this for four years!"

Kaoru looked at Kyo and there was something sad in his eyes.

"It's either you wait, Kyo, or I'm leaving right at this moment."

Kyo looked like Kaoru just slapped him, but gradually his face changed to the one of defeat. He stepped away from Kaoru and nodded, looking anywhere but at his lover.

"Okay, Kaoru… I'm sorry I'm being so pushy…"

"Let's not rush things" Kaoru said gentler and took off his shoes. He came up to Kyo and caressed his cheek. "Don't get upset. Things will be just fine, you'll see."

Kyo nodded. He trusted Kaoru, even though he didn't see much sense in all of it right now.

They went to the kitchen and Kaoru emptied the shopping bag. He opened the fridge, but all that he saw was darkness and empty shelves.

"Kyo, you don't have any food?"

"What?" Kyo took his eyes away from Kaoru's torso and looked at his face. "Oh, yeah… no, I've got nothing."

"What do you eat?"

Kyo just shrugged. Actually, he never even thought about food. There were some fruit and some cookies left by his mother from the day she brought him home. Since then, Kyo never even left the house. He couldn't even tell what he was doing for the past few days. Nothing in particular, just waiting for Kaoru to come.

"Kyo, get a grip on yourself! What's wrong?"

"I'm… I don't know…"

Kaoru looked Kyo in the eyes and Kyo just couldn't take it anymore.

"I don't know what to do now, where to go, where to start, what _should_ I be doing now anyways?"

"You should be rebuilding your life, Kyo, that's what you should be doing!"

"I am! I waited for you! I want to be with you!"

"Kyo…" Kaoru suddenly looked so sad it broke Kyo's heart.

"Don't you want to be with me, Kaoru?" he whispered.

Kaoru stepped closer and took Kyo in his arms, embracing him gently, letting Kyo hide his head in Kaoru's chest.

"It'll all be alright, Kyo. Didn't you say the doctor said you'll be like a fish out of water at the beginning when they let you out? I'm surprised your parents left you alone at all."

"I asked them to" he heard Kyo's muffled voice. "And I'm not alone anyways."

"What do you mean?"

There was a long silence and finally Kyo said carefully.

"I've got you, don't I?"

Kaoru didn't answer, he just held Kyo for a while, rubbing his back in comfort.

"Let's take one step at a time. You need to go shopping."

Kyo snuggled deeper in Kaoru's arms, not wanting to think about anything else at that moment.

"I don't know if I have any money at all."

"What do you mean? You must have something! Where's your bank card?"

Kyo shrugged.

"Didn't your parents take care of it?"

"I don't know. I don't remember."

"Right then."

Kaoru pushed Kyo out of his embrace and turned to face the oven.

"At least that works" he muttered, turning it on. "We'll eat, then call your parents and find out everything about your bills, the house and your money. Then you need to find your driver's licence and check in what condition your car is. You should probably have a few driving lessons just to remember and be on the safe side when you drive. You also need to count your money and see how long you can live on that. You need to start looking for a job."

Kyo sat down at the table and put his head into his hands.

"Kyo, do you hear me?"

Kyo nodded, but he was looking somewhere behind Kaoru now, as if looking at something in particular. Kaoru looked back, but saw nothing but the cupboards and a sink. He looked back at Kyo. The amazing thing was, Kyo was dozing now, his eyes closed.

Kaoru smiled sadly, looking at his friend.

He let Kyo rest while he cooked their lunch. Later, they called Kyo's mother. She was absolutely displeased at Kyo for not listening to anything she apparently said to him already. Kaoru didn't need to worry. All was prepared and organized for Kyo.

They found his bank cards in the bedroom and went shopping. All the while Kyo simply followed Kaoru, just looking happy with his company.

But Kaoru didn't fail to notice that once in a while Kyo would be looking to his other side as if they had a third person walking with them.

oOoOoOo

It took a while for Kyo to find the best place for sleeping, but finally he decided upon sleeping on the ground between the wall and his bed. There was just a narrow space, just enough for him to squeeze himself in between. He put his blanket on the ground to make it softer and used another blanket to cover himself up. This soon became the place he would come back to take a nap every 3-4 hours.

His bed felt too big and the vast emptiness of nothing all around him made Kyo feel anxious. The first few times he tried sleeping in bed, he couldn't. But thankfully, after a full search of his house he managed to find the best place. It was long, narrow and dark. It was perfect.

Looking for a job didn't go as well as everyone was telling him it will. Nobody even invited him for an interview. He had a feeling it had to do with the fact that everyone knew his name and who he was. And nobody wanted him.

Even Toshiya couldn't keep his promise. He didn't manage to get Kyo a place in his company. Toshiya apologised millions of times, but Kyo just dismissed it. He wasn't angry with Toshiya – it wasn't his fault.

It was all the Emperor's fault.

Kyo took a big bite of meat and chewed on it greedily. Meat was something he still didn't have enough after coming back. He even gained the few kilos he was desperately lacking.

"Is he coming today?" the man in the black suit asked. Kyo shook his head, trying to cover his obvious disappointment.

Kaoru barely ever came. Usually just once a week, which, in Kyo's opinion, was not even close to enough. But Kaoru had a job and he was very busy all the time. Kyo knew he had to accept it or lose Kaoru altogether. So of course he patiently waited every day. Kaoru did call him on the phone, but that was not enough.

"He's busy" Kyo mumbled through his mouth full of meat.

He finished eating and was about to wash the plate, but suddenly there was a knock on the door. Smiling happily Kyo went to open the door – Kaoru sometimes did these unexpected rare visits.

But it wasn't Kaoru. It was some man, dressed in overalls and carrying a heavy-looking bag. He looked like some maintenance worker.

"Hello! Nishimura-san, isn't it?"

Kyo nodded.

The man took out an ID card from his pocket and showed it to Kyo.

"I am from Nihon Electricity. We're doing the maintenance check up on this area. Can I come in and check all the electricity cables in your house?"

Kyo looked at the card and then nodded. The man didn't waste any more time, he entered the house and proceeded walking without even taking his shoes off.

"I will start from the kitchen and then check all the rooms. It might take up to an hour."

Kyo didn't even manage to nod as the man turned away and disappeared.

Kyo closed the door and stood there, suddenly feeling helpless. The man in the black suit entered the hall and stood next to him, looking at the direction of the kitchen and listening to curious sounds coming from there.

"Should I check up on him?" the man offered.

"No, it'll be fine. I just… I just hate having strangers in my house."

To avoid any contact Kyo stayed away from the man's path, but listened to him working in every room. And really, after less than an hour the man disappeared, thanking Kyo.

Kyo closed the door and locked it, finally feeling easier.

People were not something he was happy to deal with yet.

Especially people who invited themselves into his house, even if for a valid reason.

"I want to see Kaoru" Kyo mumbled.

"Then go, visit him after he comes back after work."

"I don't know when he's coming back."

"That's just an excuse. You can always wait for him outside his door."

Kyo nodded, thinking if Kaoru would be happy to see him.

"Of course he would!" the man laughed. "Now go!"

Kyo smiled to himself, feeling happier. If Kaoru was too busy and tired to come after work, then Kyo will go instead. After all, Kaoru never said anything about not visiting him. And it wasn't dangerous – nobody will think they're a couple just because Kyo went to Kaoru's flat.

"They'll just think I'm a friend" Kyo smiled to himself.

He quickly changed and went out, not caring that it still was too early for a visit.

oOoOoOo

Kaoru was home after all. He opened the door and saw Kyo standing there with a take-out food bag, smiling at him joyfully. And Kaoru just stared for a moment as if not knowing what to do.

"Hey, Kaoru-kun!" Kyo smiled and stepped closer to kiss him. But Kaoru draw back, not letting Kyo come closer.

"What are you doing here, Kyo?"

"I miss you" Kyo said, looking a little crestfallen at the lack of enthusiasm from Kaoru. "I brought some food and thought that maybe we could spend a couple of hours together. I won't bother you for long, I know you're tired."

Kaoru hesitated for a moment, but stepped aside to let Kyo in.

"Actually, I'm working a little at home at the moment."

"Oh, I see… Well, let's just have dinner and I'll leave you to it. I just wanted to see you so much!"

Kyo kicked off his shoes and proceeded to the kitchen. He stopped to a halt in the doorway when he saw Die sitting at the kitchen table. Music sheets were scattered all over it and Die's guitar was standing in the corner next to Kaoru's.

"Oh… hi, Die!" Kyo stammered, clearly not expecting to see him here.

Die glared at Kyo and then directed his gaze to Kaoru.

"Umm…" Kyo stood there, feeling awkward. He felt Kaoru standing close to him, but somehow felt too intimidated by Die's angry stare to do anything else than just look at his hands, fidgeting in the doorway.

"Don't you think it's about time to do it, Kaoru?" Die suddenly spoke and Kyo lifted his eyes to look at him. "You're doing more harm than good."

Die stood up and carefully collected the music sheets from the table. Then walked out from the kitchen not sparing Kyo another glance.

Kaoru stood frozen for a moment, but then suddenly pushed Kyo gently inside the kitchen and closed the door.

"Sit, Kyo, please" he said. "I… I need to tell you something…"

An unpleasant knot suddenly formed in Kyo's throat, but he obeyed. He put the food on the table and sat down on the chair. Kaoru sat down next to him, but avoided touching Kyo.

Kyo looked at Kaoru and felt scared for some reason. Kaoru looked very troubled and uncomfortable. There was something really not right.

"Kaoru, what's the matter?" Kyo asked silently and put his hand on Kaoru's knee, but Kaoru immediately pushed his hand off himself.

"Listen, Kyo, I…" he stood up and took a few steps back as if distancing himself from Kyo made it easier for him to talk. "You know I love you. I honestly do and always did."

Kyo nodded, but felt the dreadful unpleasant feeling inside his stomach only intensify.

"When you told me you loved me, right before they took you away... what was I supposed to do? You looked like you were going for your own hanging… And I just… There was only one answer I could have given you and I still think it was the only right choice. And it's not like I lied! I do love you, just… just not in the same way…"

Kyo stared at Kaoru frozen. Waiting.

"Kyo… I had been with Die for two years already when you told me you loved me…"

A distant ringing in Kyo's ears suddenly started as if it was there for hours already. It muffled the rest of the sounds surrounding him, changing Kaoru's voice as well, making it heavier and thicker.

"When you came back… you looked horrible, as if you went to hell and back and I just… I didn't have the heart to tell you the truth! I thought I'll wait until you feel better! And I just didn't know how to tell you the truth, there never was the right time and even now… Kyo, I'm… I'm really, really sorry…"

Kaoru finally stopped speaking, because the lack of reaction from Kyo suddenly was too much to handle.

"Kyo, please…" Kaoru didn't know what he was asking for at that point. Maybe for forgiveness.

He never wanted to hurt Kyo, he still thought he made the right choice of lying to him before he was taken away. Saying 'I don't love you' would have felt like he would have delivered the last blow to Kyo. And after all, nobody really believed he will ever come back.

But Kyo did come back and then Kaoru didn't have the heart to tell him the truth. He thought he'd wait until Kyo gets stronger, feels better, until the Moon will seem like a distant nightmare. But days went by and Kaoru never found the right time to tell him the truth. Deep down inside he hoped Kyo would lose his interest in him, would meet somebody else. But at the same time he knew – he saw it clearly written all over Kyo's face – how infatuated Kyo was with him, how much in love he was with Kaoru.

And then there was Die… When Kaoru told him what happened with Kyo that day when he was taken away, Die felt sad and he agreed that Kaoru did the best thing. But when Kyo came back…

Die wanted Kaoru to tell Kyo the truth immediately. Kyo was in love with his boyfriend and thought Kaoru was in love with him too. They did… things… together, they kissed…

And Die, despite his love for his friend, slowly became very bitter. He demanded Kaoru to tell Kyo the truth, he wanted to go and tell Kyo himself. He started to feel hatred towards his friend whom he used to love.

And the more time passed, the more torn Kaoru felt. Telling Kyo the truth would hurt him badly, but keeping lying to him was tearing his relationship apart. It was hurting Die as well.

"I'm sorry, Kyo..." Kaoru said silently, finally giving up in trying to explain himself. In the end, he hurt Kyo the most. He and Die will be fine. Die loved him and he was still here even if he was pissed off at Kaoru as never before. But Kyo had nobody else.

Kaoru looked at Kyo's small frame on the chair, his bony long fingers clenched into fists, his pale skin and hollow eyes – and he felt terrible for what he did.

"Kyo…"

As if woken up from a trance Kyo looked Kaoru straight in the eyes and Kaoru recoiled.

It was a look of a wild animal chased into a corner and having to face his hunters with only his bare hands. It was a face of somebody in denial, in pain, in desperate need for help.

Suddenly Kyo stood up. He hesitated for a moment as if not knowing whether to go out from the kitchen or go up to Kaoru. But then the next second he was out of the room and in another few seconds Kaoru heard his front door open and close with a loud bang.

He kept standing there listening to the empty silence until the sounds of heavy footsteps reached his ears. Die appeared in the doorway, looking grim.

"He'll be fine" Die said, looking at his lover.

Kaoru shook his head slowly.

"No, he… you didn't see his face…"

"He survived up there, he will definitely survive the break up."

Kaoru shook his head in denial. He hoped Die was right, but at the same time knew Kyo was too emotional to handle this kind of news, this kind of betrayal.

Kaoru took his mobile from his pocket and found the number he needed. After a few rings he heard Toshiya's cheerful voice on the other end.

"Hi, Kaoru!"

"Toshiya, please, you need to find Kyo!"

"What? What happened to him?"

"It'll take too much time to explain! But please, find him, he can't be left alone! Please, Toshiya, I did a terrible thing to him and Kyo… You're the only one I can ask for help, Toshiya!"

"You're scaring me, Kaoru!"

"Just find him! Try his house at first, I hope he went there! Ask Kyo what happened, talk to him, help him, listen to him, but just please, don't let him be alone!"

"OK, I'm going, Kaoru!" Toshiya hung up and Kaoru lowered the phone from his ear. He looked at his lover desperately.

"He'll be fine" Die repeated coldly. "You shouldn't have made him have any hopes, now it's going to only be worse."

"Die, please…"

"That's the truth, Kaoru! And you have to hear it!"

Die finally moved closer to his lover and took his hand.

"Toshiya will take care of Kyo and he'll be fine. You should have done it as soon as he came back. But at least now we can all finally go back to our old lives."

He leaned in and kissed Kaoru on the lips.

"I love you, Kaoru."

"I love you too…"

There was an unpleasant knot in his throat and even if Die was kissing him gently, finally being less angry with Kaoru since what felt like forever, Kaoru still couldn't enjoy the closeness.

He was praying for Toshiya to hurry and for Kyo to be fine.

He lost Shinya a long time ago. Now it felt like he lost Kyo for good as well. He won't be able to see Kyo soon. That is, if Kyo will ever want to see him again.

So he took Die in his arms and hugged him strongly. Held him in his arms as if his life depended on it.

**TBC**

All right, so the whole Kaoru/Kyo thing wasn't developed good enough, but simply I didn't want to waste many chapters on them, because basically it would've just been Kyo wanting to see Kaoru and be with him and Kaoru making up excuses. So I decided to just put it all in one chapter… Hopefully it doesn't suck… :( It wasn't the major plot of the story, so I hope it's all right not to give too much time for it…

Anyways, so now you know the reason for Die behaving himself the way he did and for Kaoru's lack of enthusiasm…

Comments would be so much appreciated! ^^

And thanks to everyone, who commented on the last chapter 3 Thank you a lot, guys *hugs*


	8. Chapter 8

Toshiya found the door of Kyo's house not only unlocked, but also ajar. He didn't even bother knocking, flung the door wide open and ran into the house.

"Kyo!" he shouted and held his breath.

Nothing.

Toshiya kicked off his shoes and ran to the living room, then the kitchen, then all the other rooms on the ground floor, but Kyo was nowhere to be seen. Toshiya ran upstairs and checked all the rooms there.

Nothing.

"Kyo!" Toshiya shouted out of despair. He thought Kyo would be home, but the house was empty. Empty and silent.

"No" Toshiya shook his head. Kyo had to be there. If not, Toshiya simply didn't know where Kyo would go. He had no fucking idea.

Toshiya, simply not knowing what else he could do, started looking for Kyo in the house again, this time thoroughly. Now he started from the first floor, first checking the bathroom – every corner and every cupboard was inspected, even if Kyo couldn't possibly squeeze himself in half of the places Toshiya checked. Kyo's spare bedroom was empty as well. Then Toshiya ran to Kyo's bedroom again. He drew the curtains open, letting the daylight in and turned to look at the room.

It was messy. The bed undone (Kyo had a western type one), the wardrobe wide open and clothes scattered inside and outside it on the floor and all the shelves, the nightstand was covered with newspapers and food packets and lots of empty cups. It was the only messy room in the house – probably Kyo spent the majority of his time here.

And then, suddenly, Toshiya noticed the heap of sheets and pillows lying in the gap between the wall and the bed and toes sticking out from all of this mess.

"Kyo?"

Toshiya jumped close and started pulling the sheets and pillows away. He saw Kyo's body squeezed between the wall and the bed, lying in a foetal position, his head buried in his hands.

"Kyo!" Toshiya shook Kyo violently, trying to wake him up. Kyo did open his eyes suddenly and looked at Toshiya, but the look that Toshiya saw made him suddenly feel very worried.

"Kyo, please, get out of there" Toshiya pleaded, trying to make Kyo sit, but Kyo was unmovable. Toshiya kneeled at Kyo's feet and leaning against the wall pushed the bed with his legs as far away as he could manage. Then he sat next to Kyo**,** taking him by the shoulders again and making him to sit up.

"Kyo, what happened? What did Kaoru do to you?"

There was desperate urgency in his shaky voice when he spoke, because Kyo looked as if he just came back from a funeral and this made Toshiya feel terrified. The empty look in Kyo's eyes was sickening.

"Kyo, please, talk to me!"

Toshiya wanted to slap Kyo – he didn't know what else to do to wake Kyo from this trance.

"Kyo!"

Toshiya shook Kyo violently again, but Kyo didn't react. He just stared at some spot on Toshiya's right.

"Kyo-kun…" Toshiya pulled him forward and took him in his arms, embracing him, making Kyo burry his face in Toshiya's chest. "I'll help you, whatever happened, I'll help you, Kyo…"

He felt Kyo's body start to shake a little and suddenly heard quiet sobs. He squeezed Kyo harder in his arms, trying to comfort him.

"What happened, Kyo?"

But there was only silence. Kyo's sobs continued, his body, so small in Toshiya's big and muscled arms, felt frail and was shaking uncontrollably. And all Toshiya could do was hold him, rub his back as gently as he could and wait for Kyo to calm down.

At least Kyo was here – alive and physically unhurt.

Toshiya had no idea how much time passed, but slowly Kyo's sobs subdued, his body relaxed in Toshiya's arms. Toshiya kissed the top of Kyo's head gently, still stroking Kyo's back with one of his hands.

"Kyo-kun" Toshiya whispered. "What happened?"

He felt Kyo's body tense a little, stiffen in his embrace. But finally Kyo spoke in a quiet, tired voice.

"Kaoru lied to me…"

Kyo suddenly pushed himself away from Toshiya and looked him in the eyes. And the amount of pain in Kyo's deep, dark eyes was hard to bare.

"He said he loved me, but he was with Die all along…"

The despair and pain was all-consuming on Kyo's face and it tore Toshiya's heart to see Kyo like that.

"You… you love Kaoru?" Toshiya stammered, surprised by the news.

"I love him more than anything in this entire world…" Kyo whispered and his eyes filled with fresh tears again. "What am I supposed to do now, without him?"

Toshiya was speechless. He just stared at Kyo, trying to comprehend all of what was said to him, all that he saw – the way Kyo looked already defeated and ready to get the final blow.

"You still have your family… and me…"

"I only want Kaoru" Kyo said. He stared at Toshiya for a few more moments, then suddenly pushed Toshiya away from himself and lied down again.

"Leave" Kyo's cold voice reached Toshiya's ears.

Toshiya stared at Kyo, lying on the sheets and pillows in the small space between the bed and the wall as if it was his grave. And suddenly nobody needed to tell him anything. He knew.

Kyo would just wither away.

Disappear.

He'll just lie there, not moving, not drinking and eating until it'll be all it takes for him to finally stop breathing. And a sudden wave of fear gripped Toshiya's chest so bad he even gasped, his eyes huge with fear.

"No, Kyo, I won't let you!"

Toshiya grabbed Kyo's hands and pulled him up again, dragged him out in the middle of the room and made him sit.

"I won't let you give up, you hear me?!" the anger in Toshiya's voice surprised Kyo and he looked at his friend questioningly, with just the slightest hint of curiosity in his eyes.

"If only you'll let me, I'll never leave you, Kyo! I'll be with you forever! I'll never betray you like that! I'll make you happy!"

Kyo stared, taken aback by so much emotion in Toshiya's voice and body language, in Toshiya's eyes.

"Please, Kyo, let me make you happy!"

Toshiya leaned in and started kissing Kyo – on the lips, on the cheeks, Kyo's neck, his fingers one by one, then the lips again. He grazed them gently with his teeth, touched the bottom lip only, kissed the corner of Kyo's lips and slowly traced his lips to Kyo's good ear.

"I left my band and joined Dir en grey just so I could be with you. Kyo, I'm in love with you - I've loved you for years."

Toshiya drew back and looked Kyo in the eyes.

"You're lying" Kyo said, but his voice was shaking. Toshiya shook his head fiercely.

"Well I don't love you" Kyo said. "I love Kaoru."

Briefly pain flashed on Toshiya's face because of the harsh words, but he brushed them away and looked Kyo in the eyes with determination.

"Kaoru isn't here, is he? But I am."

Toshiya waited, but there was no reaction. He was harsh, but how else can you tell the truth? Truth was, Kaoru wasn't here and never will be.

"I love you, Kyo" Toshiya repeated, not knowing what else to do. He wanted to plead Kyo to let him stay, let him be part of his life, but words failed him. Toshiya knew this was it – either Kyo will completely push him out of his life or take him in. And he felt scared.

"I don't love you" Kyo repeated, but this time his voice was quiet and subdued. It stung Toshiya's heart to hear these words, even though he knew years ago them to be true.

Toshiya put his hand on Kyo's thigh and started caressing it. Kyo closed his eyes for a moment and his breaths deepened. It lasted a fraction of a moment, but Toshiya saw and it was all he needed. His hand travelled up Kyo's leg and sank into the depths between Kyo's thighs. He felt Kyo's cock alive and pulsing, trapped in jeans, and Toshiya stroked it through the fabric, watching Kyo's face all the time.

Kyo didn't open his eyes anymore. He sat there, breathing heavily, lost in oblivion, in some kind of trance. Deep somewhere in Toshiya's brain there was a doubt. Kyo wasn't himself, he was easy to be used in a state like that. But Toshiya just shook these thoughts out of his head.

He wasn't going to fuck Kyo, he was going to pleasure Kyo if Kyo'll let him. He wasn't going to take Kyo by force if Kyo showed even a tiniest bit of resistance somewhere along the way. He wasn't going to use him.

He was going to show Kyo how much he loved him. How real his love for Kyo was.

He was going to give Kyo anything he wanted without taking anything in return.

Toshiya undid the button on Kyo's jeans and slowly pushed his hand inside. Kyo kept his eyes closed, breathing hard. His cheeks were flushed and his breaths uneven.

Encouraged by the lack of any kind of resistance, Toshiya took Kyo's cock in his hand and closed his fingers around it. He started to slowly stroke, going up and down, up and down. Kyo's breaths deepened, he gripped the sheet in his fists, probably trying to stop himself from pushing up against Toshiya's hand.

With his other hand Toshiya slowly pulled Kyo's jeans down, finally revealing Kyo's boner in the daylight. Toshiya did see Kyo's dick a few times before in the changing rooms. He tried to peek as often as he could without anyone noticing and a few times he got lucky. But today, having the full view of the real thing pulsing in hot waves in his palm, it felt and looked so different. It looked much more mature than before.

And at that moment Toshiya felt so close to Kyo as never before.

He put the fingers around the root of Kyo's cock and without any hesitation took him in his mouth. With the familiarity and ease that only lovers have, Toshiya started sucking him off, greedily, lovingly, passionately. And Kyo finally couldn't control himself anymore. He moaned loudly, gripping the sheets in his fists and started thrusting in union with Toshiya's strokes.

Toshiya savoured the feel of Kyo's wide shaft engraved with protruding veins. His nose would often find itself buried in Kyo's rough pubic hair. The tip of Kyo's cock was soft and pink and Toshiya let himself slow down a few times just so he could run his tongue in between the slit.

But Kyo was done too soon. Toshiya felt warm cum shooting at the back of his throat and for a moment he struggled to take it all in. When finally there was nothing left, Toshiya released Kyo's dick from his mouth with a soft popping sound and caressed the lower part of Kyo's belly, just over his black pubic hair. Kyo shivered and then slowly exhaled a deep breath. A very small smile appeared on his lips and lingered for a fleeting moment. He looked content for those few seconds.

Toshiya moved to lay down next to Kyo. He took Kyo's hand and kissed it lightly. When Kyo opened his eyes and looked at Toshiya, Toshiya begged in his mind for Kyo not to push him away. But Kyo shifted his eyes from Toshiya and stared somewhere at the distance with a vacant look in his dark eyes.

"I meant every word I said, Kyo" Toshiya uttered silently. "I'll stay with you forever."

Kyo snorted and smiled a very unpleasant and cold smile.

"Really, Toshiya? Forever?"

Kyo turned to look at Toshiya, evaluating him from head to toe.

"You'll stay with me forever, even though I don't give a damn about you? Even though all I would need you for would be fucking? Even though the only one I love is Kaoru and you'll never be half as good as he is?"

Toshiya hesitated only for a few seconds, but then nodded with a serious expression on his face.

"I want to be with you, Kyo. I love you. I always did…"

Kyo stared at him, but then finally lowered his eyes, looking tired and defeated.

"Toshiya, please… fuck me…" he grabbed Toshiya's arm and pushed Toshiya closer. "Fuck me, please!"

Toshiya stared down at Kyo, but the look Kyo returned was one of determination and need. Pure physical need.

"I'll make love to you all night, every night, as long as you want to" Toshiya answered and stood up, grabbed Kyo by his hands and dragged him to lay on the bed. He undressed Kyo feverishly, feeling already too hard to be any gentler and slower, but it didn't look like Kyo minded. Kyo wasn't hard yet (after all, he had just had an orgasm), but Toshiya was ready to caress, suck and kiss Kyo into another hard-on. He ached to be inside the small body. He craved it like a thirsty man in a desert craves for a drop of water.

He craved it so desperately that all caution was thrown out the window.

When Toshiya forced his way inside Kyo's body, they both were not thinking about any reasons, consequences and logic. None of that existed. Only Kyo's narrow and very tight hole engulfing Toshiya's cock greedily after many years of absence of any penetration. Only Kyo's moaning and gasping echoed through the room and Toshiya's cries of pleasure. Only the slapping sounds of skin on skin reached their ears.

And Kyo was happy for those short-lived minutes. He embraced the oblivion that sex offered and could almost pretend he was fine. He could almost imagine that Kaoru was fucking him hard, taking him from behind, topping him, dominating him.

"Kaoru!" Kyo moaned before he felt his warm cum shooting out from the tip, still much too soon.

The body on top of him convulsed and shivered before it also collapsed, crushing him with its weight.

Toshiya put his mobile phone back in his bag and took a sip of coffee. He barely ever lied, but there was simply no other choice. There was no way he was going to work today and leave Kyo alone. Not after all that happened yesterday.

To say that after he woke up in the morning with Kyo in his arms he was confused and scared was understatement of the century. Toshiya had no idea what he was supposed to do now. He knew what he wanted to do, but was it the right choice?

Either way, he decided while making himself a cup of coffee, there was no single good answer. What was right to him might be wrong to somebody else and vice versa. What was wrong to Kyo to him might seem like the only good choice. And right now Toshiya was certain that leaving Kyo alone would be the worst decision ever, even if Kyo wasn't thrilled with this idea.

His phone suddenly started ringing and Toshiya glanced at the screen. Kaoru was calling.

"Hey!" Toshiya said silently, glancing at the kitchen door.

"Toshiya, sorry I'm calling this early, but I couldn't wait anymore. I have to know how's Kyo. I assume you found him since you didn't call me yesterday."

"I did."

Kaoru's voice was urgent and nervous and Toshiya had to admit that Kaoru really cared. Even if his way of showing that was rather inappropriate.

"How is he?" Kaoru asked.

"He's…" Toshiya struggled to find the right words. "He's as if in some kind of trance, like a zombie… apathetic to everything…"

Silence on the other end of the receiver was all Toshiya got. So he continued.

"But I'll take care of him, he'll be alright. He's still sleeping."

"Is there anything I can do?" Kaoru asked quietly.

"Yes. Stay out of Kyo's way. Leave him alone and let him get over you. The longer he won't see you, the better."

There was a pause yet again, but finally Kaoru released a long breath and sighed.

"Yes… of course…"

Silence again.

"Look, Toshiya, I know how this must look to you, but I swear, it was never my intention to hurt Kyo."

"I'm not interested in your reasons, Kaoru. I'm only interested in getting Kyo back to normal. And you'd better not call me or text me, because Kyo might be around any time. I don't want him to be reminded of you anytime soon."

"Call me yourself then to let me know how Kyo is holding up" Kaoru asked, a note of urgency in his voice.

"OK, but don't expect me to call you often."

"Right…"

"Well, I have to go. I don't want Kyo to overhear us. I'll get in touch with you, Kaoru!"

"Bye!"

Toshiya hung up and put his mobile on the table. He took a few sips of his still warm coffee.

The image of Kyo in front of him, lying on his stomach, supporting himself with his hands, his knees bent and pressed to the sides of his torso, exposed to Toshiya in the most obscene way, willingly taking all that was coming.

Toshiya closed his eyes for a moment, willing himself to stay calm and composed.

"Are you alright?"

Toshiya jumped so quickly that he even spilled some of his coffee on the table.

"Kyo! You scared the shit out of me!"

"Sorry" Kyo said, looking confused. "But I wasn't trying to sneak up on you."

"Yeah, alright" Toshiya wiped clean the table and got up to make a cup of coffee for Kyo. "Do you want something to eat?"

Kyo just shrugged and sat at the table, in front of Toshiya. Toshiya turned his back to Kyo and busied himself over some toast and jam.

"There's nothing much in the fridge, so we'll have to be fine with this for now."

Kyo didn't say anything. He took the offered breakfast without a word and started eating. Toshiya watched him without hiding, stared at him, but Kyo seemed not to mind.

"When you just came in the kitchen I was… I was thinking about you" Toshiya offered to explain.

Kyo didn't react to that in any way, but just continued eating. He took his cup of coffee and added one more cube of sugar in it.

"Shouldn't you be going already?" Kyo asked. "Don't you have work today?"

"I called in sick."

"Huh…"

They ate in silence and Toshiya was getting more and more unhappy with the way Kyo acted. Kyo looked unfazed by everythingand this lack of emotion was unnerving. It was unreal. Like a mask put on to hide the turmoil of raging sadness inside the dark rotten corners of Kyo's chest.

"Kyo, yesterday… I meant what I said to you. I'm gonna be with you from now on. I wasn't lying about a single thing yesterday."

Kyo stopped chewing for a moment and stared at his arms. Suddenly his face saddened and he half closed his eyes, as if trying to force the tears that were still on the way out to go down. He dropped the toast on the plate and stared at it without seeing.

"Kaoru is not coming back, Kyo" Toshiya said gently. He extended his hand all the way over the table and touched Kyo's arm. Kyo didn't pull back, just continued sitting there like a statue, frozen in a moment.

"But I'll be here instead of him. I'll help you get through this."

Toshiya felt Kyo turn his palm over and entwine their fingers. Kyo looked at Toshiya with lost, empty eyes.

"I love Kaoru" he said, as if yesterday Toshiya didn't hear him.

Toshiya squeezed Kyo's hand in comfort and smiled gently.

"I know."

There was nothing else to add.

Toshiya was wary to ask Kyo anything else. Kyo didn't seem to be in a state suitable for any big decisions. Instead, Toshiya decided that he'll stay over this night, and the one after, and the one after that… He won't leave Kyo until he will be able to handle what happened to him on his own. But by then Toshiya hoped that Kyo won't want him out of his life.

Suddenly Kyo stood up and looked at the kitchen door worriedly. Toshiya glanced there as well but there was nothing there. But Kyo, still starring at the door nervously, pulled Toshiya's hand and made him stand. He dragged Toshiya with himself out of the kitchen and back upstairs.

Toshiya wanted to question, but decided that perhaps silence was what Kyo needed right now.

When they were back in the bedroom, Kyo turned to Toshiya and in one swift movement took off his t-shirt.

"Kyo?" Toshiya asked, looking puzzled.

But Kyo didn't say anything. He clung to Toshiya desperately and started undoing his jeans.

"Kyo, are you sure you want it?"

"I need it" Kyo mumbled, looking down at Toshiya's cock, now exposed to his eyes. "I need it so I would feel real, feel like I really exist in body and soul. I need to be touched, fucked hard – I want it badly. Or else I'll burst inside out and it won't be pretty."

Kyo looked Toshiya in the eyes and at the same time grabbed Toshiya's dick in his palm.

"Kaoru doesn't want me… but you said you do…"

"I do!" Toshiya was quick to confirm.

"Then please, fuck me again."

Toshiya couldn't say no. And after all, was there a reason to say no? All morals and reasoning aside, Toshiya loved Kyo and, in his opinion, that was a reason good enough to justify his hurried and clumsy actions.

"I'll make love to you as many times as you want, Kyo" Toshiya breathed heavily. He leaned in and kissed Kyo on the lips. But Kyo turned his head to the side and Toshiya's lips slid on Kyo's neck instead.

There were no kisses in the end.

Just hurried and desperate groping, skin on skin, sweaty bodies pressed hard together, saliva on Toshiya's cock and Kyo's willingly spread legs.

For now, at least.

While thrusting into Kyo's already slightly loosened passage Toshiya swore to himself to turn this loveless fucking into something passionate and caring with time.

Kyo opened his eyes and turned to look at Toshiya lying next to him**,** fast asleep.

It was pointless to try and sleep. He simply couldn't. He glanced at the clock. It was still only 2:13a.m. He tried really hard to fall asleep in the bed, but in the end, when Toshiya fell asleep, Kyo had to take the blanket and go to the only place he felt safe enough – the gap between the bed and the wall. He managed to get a good two hour**s** sleep. Since then he was back lying awake beside Toshiya, watching him.

Toshiya changed slightly in these four years. He looked manlier, he finally took care of his teeth. Kyo liked the new messy haircut that Toshiya had – the short curls, sticking out to many directions. And he had to admit that Toshiya even dressed better. He certainly was a good catch.

Pity he wasn't what Kyo wanted.

Kyo sighed, looking at Toshiya's big arms lying in front of his face.

_Kaoru is probably at home, asleep with Die by his side… _

Kyo closed his eyes and willed the image out of his head. It did him no good thinking about it.

_Could I be with Toshiya? _

It was a question he was trying to figure out all night. But there was only one answer he constantly came up with – what did he have to lose?

Certainly he already lost Kaoru. The truth was, he never had him. Kaoru was with Die.

_He's with Die. _

The steps downstairs suddenly echoed in the empty hall and carried into the bedroom. Kyo tried to ignore it, but the constant tapping of somebody's feet on the wooden kitchen floor was unnerving. The man in the black suit came back a while ago and Kyo couldn't get rid of him. As much as he tried pleading, the man never went. He even dared to stand in the doorway to the kitchen when Toshiya was there. Thankfully he moved before Toshiya could see him, but Kyo had to take him upstairs to avoid any unnecessary encounters.

How suddenly everything changed.

One day he thought he'd be with Kaoru forever. The next day he had naked Toshiya lying by his side. Kyo never even managed to fully grasp how it all turned out to be this way. He still hoped maybe Kaoru would change his mind…

It was easier to pretend the reality was not happening.

Toshiya turned in his sleep and Kyo was now facing his broad shoulders and back. Was Toshiya attractive? Yes, he was. And his body gave Kyo the pleasure and release he needed so desperately. Still, Kyo felt hatred for this man slowly building up inside him. Because Toshiya wanted him, loved him even, but Kaoru didn't care. Kaoru never cared.

Kyo sat in bed and put his head in his hands. He sat like this, covering his face from the world, trying not to think about anything. Numbness was what he wanted to feel. To be immune to any kind of feelings – good or bad.

The footsteps from the kitchen suddenly moved to the stairs and in no time he heard them in his bedroom, nearing his bed and stopping right next to it.

Kyo spread his fingers and looked through them. The man was standing right next to him, looking down at Kyo and Toshiya in bed.

"Go away" Kyo whispered, pleading in his mind for Toshiya to keep sleeping.

"Who is this? Who's sleeping with you?" the man asked.

"Nobody. Go away."

"Nobody can sleep with you, Kyo. Make him go."

"No… you go!"

The man suddenly reached for Toshiya's throat and Kyo screamed in horror. He grabbed the man's hand, jumped out of bed and forced the man out of the bedroom, down the stairs to the front door. He unlocked the door and forced the man out of the house. Surprisingly, the man wasn't resisting, but the look of displeasure on his face made Kyo feel terrified. He slammed the door shut and locked it again.

"Kyo?" he suddenly heard Toshiya's agitated voice and heard the footsteps just behind him. Toshiya appeared next to him looking scared. "What's happening? Why did you scream? What are you doing here?"

Kyo looked at Toshiya and felt frightened. He trembled all over and tried to listen if the man outside was trying to get back in. Suddenly he felt Toshiya grabbing his shoulders and squeezing them lightly.

"Kyo, did you have a nightmare?" Toshiya asked, looking concerned.

Kyo shook his head.

"Then what happened?"

Kyo remained silent, starring at Toshiya.

"Are you ok?" Toshiya finally asked, perhaps wanting to just know if Kyo was unhurt, simply not knowing what else might have happened to make Kyo scream like that.

Kyo managed a curt nod.

"Let's go back to bed" Toshiya said, and keeping his hand over Kyo's shoulders led him back to the bedroom. They laid down, but Kyo couldn't close his eyes. He didn't feel sleepy. Kyo was scared that the man would come back and do something to Toshiya if he fell asleep. Toshiya tried to stay awake for Kyo's sake, but somewhere along the way he didn't even feel how his eyelids closed. He was so tired and exhausted he just drifted back to sleep, hugging Kyo close to himself.

Early in the morning Kyo managed to fall asleep. He slept the whole hour and twenty minutes before he woke up again. Then he waited.

Kyo waited for Toshiya to wake up.

Apart from that, there was nothing to look forward to.

There was absolutely nothing Kyo felt he wanted or needed to do.

There was absolutely nothing Kyo would do except for lie in bed, starring somewhere in the distance. Until Toshiya would wake up and make him crave for a purpose other than simply existence.

Toshiya tightened his hand over Kyo in his sleep.

The ringing in Kyo's ears reappeared with new furious intensity.

**TBC**

Sorry for taking so much time to update! :( I hope you enjoyed this chapter, even if it wasn't very good :( Also, I hope that the events in this chapter seem to be reasonable enough – I did leave some clues about Toshiya's feelings along the way in the previous chapters and now they should make sense :)

Comments would be so very much appreciated! ^^


	9. Chapter 9

Here's the belated chapter 9 :)

Beta-reader: LurksInTheShadows ^^ Thank you so much 3

**CHAPTER 9 **

Kyo rolled the cigarette between his fingers, feeling its smooth surface. He was pondering yet again if he should light it up or not. Was there a reason to start again after 4 years of quitting? Or was there absolutely no reason not to start again? But the temptation was big – he felt saliva gathering in his mouth just at the thought of putting the cigarette's end between his lips, squeezing them on it gently and lighting, feeling how the smoke fills his lungs in that relieving one intake of breath.

Kyo let the breath he was holding out and put the cigarette back on the table.

Maybe tomorrow he'll be 100% sure. Today his resolve was reaching only 98%.

"Are you still mad at me?"

Kyo lifted his eyes warily, looking at the Man in the black suit on the other side of the table, sitting in front of him and staring intently.

"Come on, I said I was sorry!"

"You tried to strangle him!" Kyo hissed at the Man.

"Try to understand me – he's a stranger, he came between us and now I have to share you. I do not like that, Kyo. Not in the slightest."

"The fuck do I care what you like" Kyo grunted, leaning back in his chair, starring at the Man.

"And where is he anyway?"

"Work" Kyo said, trying not to start thinking about Toshiya all over again.

"You see" the Man said, his voice sounding gentler. "Why do you even need him when more than half of the time he's not even here**?** But I am. I'll always be next to you, Kyo."

Somehow, at that moment, Kyo wasn't sure if it was good or bad news. He wasn't sure about anything anymore. Not even about Toshiya.

"Maybe I should make him stop coming…"

But the next second he shook his head, standing up and taking a glass from the table. He filled it with water and drank.

He didn't want to deal with the situation that he found himself in. It was easier to just let go of all doubts and thoughts and not give a slightest thought about what was wrong and what was right. And, ultimately, he didn't want Toshiya to go, because he didn't want to be left alone. That was something he wasn't sure he would be capable of dealing with. 

He felt physically sated after days and days of countless fucking.

Toshiya's smell was planted deep into his pores and into his head now. He was owned by Toshiya and despite everything, it felt relieving and calming to finally be touched by another human being.

That's why the thought of letting Toshiya go, even if that might be the only right thing to do, was too unbearable. Kyo believed he wouldn't be able to remain grounded in this world without somebody by his side. Somebody like Toshiya.

Because Kaoru…

"Kyo, you look like shit. Go to sleep. I'll wake you up if thealarm goes off."

Being in the dazed state that he was, Kyo didn't question the Man. He put the now empty glass back on the table and slowly headed to his bedroom. The bed was tidily done by Toshiya, but Kyo pulled the covers off and threw them down in the gap between the bed and the wall together with all the pillows.

He kicked off his slippers and managed his way in that narrow space, lying between the tangled sheets and countless pillows. Feeling the wall with his back and the sides of the bed with his knees, Kyo finally managed to relax. He closed his eyes and let himself drift away.

Somewhere in the distance he heard the Man humming a calm melody and he managed to have a quick thought that it was familiar before sleep claimed him. 

Kyo fidgeted nervously on the doorstep and double checked the address. It all seemed right. So why was he standing in front of a cheap looking night club instead of a McDonald's?

"Well, this doesn't make sense" the Man said, staring at the paper in Kyo's hands as well.

"Wait here, I'll go inside and ask" Kyo mumbled, staringat the front door. "Maybe there's a McDonald's somewhere close, they just confused the numbers in theaddress or something…"

Kyo put the paper in his pocket, pushed the door of the night club and stepped in.

He had an interview with the manager Ryuu Hoshi for a position of a McDonald's part-time cashier on the 21st of January. Shitty job, but that was the first job interview he got since he got back to Earth. As much as he didn't want to do this kind of shitty job, he had to pay his bills. He couldn't let his parents or Toshiya do it for him.

Kyo closed the door behind himself gently and looked around. The entrance to the club was narrow and dirty, though it did look like it was still being used. There were some lights on in the hall, so Kyo hesitated for only a moment before proceeding down the hall.

Suddenly he heard a door in the distance open and barely audible but quick footsteps echoed through the empty hall. Somebody was approaching him. For a second**,** Kyo got terrified, not knowing what to do. He just stood there, frozen and waiting. Soon though a short and frail-looking guy appeared from the shadows and Kyo relaxed immediately.

"Hello! I'm sorry to disturb you, but I was wondering if you know where…"

But Kyo was silenced by a quick shake of the guy's head. Then the newcomer gestured with his head for Kyo to follow and started walking back again. Kyo hesitated for a second, but then slowly his legs moved on their own accord and Kyo started walking after this strange young man.

They didn't go far. In the dimly lit corridors of the club there was only one door, which was widely open. The guy stepped inside and Kyo followed. He found himself standing in the shabby looking room with only one huge bed in the middle of it and absolutely nothing else.

"It is very nice to finally meet you, Nishimura-san" the guy spoke, startling Kyo unexpectedly.

"I don't think I know you" Kyo said hesitantly.

"No, of course you don't" the guy smiled gently and crossed his hands over his chest, but didn't make a move to sit down on the bed.

"I was just looking for McDonald's, because I've got a job interview there with the manager."

"Yes, I know" the guy nodded. "Ryuu Hoshi."

"How do you…"

"I am Ryuu Hoshi." 

Kyo stared now, getting a little wary and uncomfortable.

"I wanted to see you and talk to you" Ryuu said.

Kyo kept silent, suddenly getting a bad feeling about all of this.

"I'll try to be as quick and clear as I can" Ryuu said, looking around slowly. "First of all, nobody can know you talked to me. If anyone will ask, the job interview was a cruel joke. There never was a job for you. Second, nobody can know this place. Please return the piece of paper you have the address written on."

Ryuu extended his hand and waited. Kyo hesitated, looking at the guy's thin and frail fingers, wondering if he would have to, would he be able to overpower this stranger and make a run for it. The guy didn't look much older than him, if older at all. For now though, he slowly fished the paper out of his pocket and gave it to the guy who immediately pocketed it.

"Thank you. Now, you have to know that if you tell any living soul about me and what I told you, you'll put these people in mortal danger together with yourself. You cannot talk about any of it at your house or anywhere else. You are being closely monitored and followed, so we can't know what places are safe and which ones are not."

"What? You mean…" Kyo struggled with words, finding it hard to believe the stranger.

"Yes, there definitely are listening bugs in your house. But as long as you don't mention a word about me and anything else you'll hear now, it's not going to be a problem."

Kyo nodded, though he still felt disbelief.

"As I said, my name is Ryuu Hoshi. I work at the Emperor's Palace. But for many years I've been a part of an organisation and am helping them to build a successful plan on how to take the Emperor down. For this, we need you. We need your help."

He looked at Kyo pointedly, waiting for a few seconds for the information to sink in and then continued.

"We've been following the Emperor's activities – official and secret ones – for years. And with each year we, as an organisation, got stronger and bigger, and more powerful. We're nearing the point where we can attack and succeed 100%. But for that we need to put all pieces of puzzle together. You are one of those missing pieces we still need.

We are not asking you fight nor do anything like that. The only thing we want is for you to tell the people of Japan the truth. The truth about how it really was like to be up there. What horrors did you see, what you had to go through, what they made you do and what the Emperor did to punish you and those close to you. What he is still doing to you – watching you, not letting you get on with your life, ruining you financially so that you would be a prisoner in your own house without the money to go out and take your life back.

If the people of Japan will get to know that their Emperor is a sadist and a murderer, they will finally be brave enough to resist. But now, sadly, nobody knows the truth – the whole truth of the horrors of the Emperor.

We also need you to tell the whole truth to one particular, very important person whom we tried to recruit for years. We need that person on our side, because he is the closest to the emperor that we could get and he is already full of doubt. He only needs a nudge – and he'll be ours. We need him and without you we cannot get him on our side."

Kyo stared at the guy in front of him, hundreds of thoughts going through his mind in crazy speed.

"We can promise you will be safe with us. Also, we will protect your family from harm. Sadly, we cannot waste our resources and people on your friends. Not even on Hara-san."

"What?" Kyo looked at Ryuu confused.

"We do know about you and him. We also knew about Niikura-san. So if we know, you can be sure the Emperor knows as well."

"Why does the Emperor need to waste his time on me? I'm nobody!"

"No, Kyo-san" Ryuu shook his head, looking very much bitter and grim. "Since you came back from Moon and are the sanest from all of those few who did manage to come back, the Emperor will find you worrisome and will keep an eye on you. You know too much."

"This is nonsense!" Kyo turned around, wanting to go, but Ryuu suddenly grabbed his arm and pulled Kyo close to himself. The look in Ryuu's eyes was almost feral.

"Please, Kyo-san! Please, help us ruin that man's power! Help us squash him like a bug under our feet! Help us save the whole country from becoming isolated and driven by fear of one man! Don't let him kill more people and ruin more lives! Aren't you the slightest bit angry about what happened to Shinya?"

Kyo just stared, eyes wide with fair.

"They killed him just because he was missing you! Or did you forget all about him so easily? Did his death mean nothing to you?"

Kyo managed to finally free his arm from Ryuu's grasp and stepped back, his eyes wide with horror.

"It's not my fault… I never… Shinya, he just… but… if you knew about Shinya, why did you let them kill him?"

"Your friend sentenced himself to death the moment he decided to contact you. If we tried to prevent his death, the Emperor would have known somebody was following all his activities and we would have no longer been a secret. Saving one person would have ruined what we were building for many years."

"So you're exactly the same!" Kyo screamed. "You're no better than the Emperor! Killers! All of you!"

Ryuu looked alarmed, but Kyo barely noticed it. He glued himself to the door, hanging on the handle as if his life depended on it.

"Whatever you want me to do, I'm not doing it! I want to get on with my life and not fight somebody else's war! Leave me, my family and friends alone!"

Kyo then opened the door and ran. He never turned to look back, only when he was out of the building, he spared a quick glance while he was closing the door – nobody was following him.

The Man looked worried, but Kyo didn't say anything to him. He kept his mouth shut, his heart racing, and walked to the nearest bus stop as quickly as he could.

The three minutes that he had to wait for the bus were nerve-racking. He tried not to stare at everyone who passed by the bus stop or stayed to wait for the bus.

_You are being closely monitored and followed. _

Kyo closed his eyes for a second, trying to will himself to calm down.

Did he mean that he was followed all the time? Or where they only watching him at home? If there were listening bugs in his house that meant…

_Oh God, not a single thing has been left private. They got into the only safe place I had. _

Kyo put his hands in the jeans' pockets and as soon as they were hidden from view, his hands turned into fists.

_Did I do the right thing by refusing? _

Kyo could only think about that when he finally got on the bus and sat in the farthest corner, slouching, trying to look invisible.

If they needed his help to bring the Emperor down, maybe he should have agreed to help. Nobody would be forced to go to Moon anymore and die there working isolated from all living beings. Nobody would die just because they missed those people who are being sent away. The boarders to foreign countries would open and anyone who wanted to see the world could go without needing any permission. There would be no threat of not getting a food ticket to buy your monthly stock. When he was in a successful band, none of that was a concern for him, so Kyo managed to provide to his family and for himself and turned a blind eye to everything that was happening.

But he experienced first-hand what it was like to be used by the Emperor and the system he created.

And Kyo would lie if he would say he wasn't afraid.

They already ruined everything he earned working hard. They took away his chance to be happy. And now, when he managed to survive and get back home, he didn't want to test his luck. Helping those people meant putting in danger himself and everyone around him. And that was the last thing he wanted to do.

Ryuu said they need him to get another person on their side. But there must be other ways of getting the Emperor down, Kyo can't be the last piece in the puzzle they need.

Kyo nodded to himself slowly.

That's right. They don't really need him. It would be better if they had him, but they don't really need him!

Feeling a tiny bit better, Kyo let out a deep sigh and a tiny smile appeared on his lips.

Soon he'll get home and cook dinner for Toshiya who will be back in a couple of hours. They'll eat and have sex as always and everything will get back to normal.

"Yes, it will" Kyo said, answering to the sceptical look the Man was giving him. "You'll see."

Toshiya dropped the bag on the floor and kicked off his shoes. He was exhausted. The lack of sleep and countless hours at work were slowly but assuredly draining him out. Not to mention he had to deal with Kyo's bouts of panic and weirdness every day.

It all was getting a toll on him.

He headed to the kitchen and even before stepping in he could smell dinner.

"Hey, Kyo!" Toshiya greeted.

"Hi! Tonight for dinner – miso and spicy noodles! Sorry, vegetarian tonight, I had no extra money for the meat."

"That's alright" Toshiya said and sat down on a chair. "Better tell me, how did the job interview go?"

Kyo fell silent for a moment and turned his back to Toshiya, took a couple of bowls out and started filling them with miso.

"Apparently somebody thought it would be a funny joke. There weren't any McDonald's around. Or maybe I just got the address wrong. Anyways, I didn't get any job."

"Oh, baby…"

Toshiya stood up and came to hug Kyo from the back.

"I'm so sorry. I know you didn't want that job anyway, but I know you need it badly. I'm so sorry."

"I know… me too…"

Kyo took the bowls with miso and wriggled out of Toshiya's embrace.

"Let's eat, Toshiya."

They sat down at the table and Toshiya dug in. Kyo fidgeted in his seat for a moment, but then turned his head slightly and mumbled:

"You go, leave us alone now."

Toshiya glanced at Kyo's side, but as always there was nobody there. It was creeping Toshiya out – in those few months that he made his way into Kyo's life, he never got used to it.

"How was your day?" Kyo asked and Toshiya was happy for a distraction.

"It was OK, though very busy. I saw… I saw Kaoru today."

Kyo's hand with the spoon stopped in the middle of the movement, but then slowly Kyo resumed eating and stared down at the food in front of him.

"He asked me how you are doing. He's concerned about you."

Kyo snorted, even though he didn't really mean to do it.

"What a load of bullshit."

"Year, right…" Toshiya shrugged. "But I thought he really meant it."

The conversation stopped there. Kyo was being more silent than usual and it worried Toshiya a little. But on the other hand, he understood that the failure to even get a job interview today might have upset Kyo more than he was letting out. So Toshiya just let Kyo close in and be silent.

It was a strange relationship they were having. And sometimes Toshiya wanted to just call it quits. It was too hard for him sometimes to fall face flat to the ground when Kyo would bluntly call out Kaoru's name when they were having sex, or when he would find Kyo masturbating while watching a video of Kaoru playing his guitar, or when Kyo would just simply say he wasn't in love with Toshiya.

All of that Toshiya knew, but it still hurt. But wasn't he the stupid one if he still stayed? He didn't gain anything from this relationship apart from sex.

_No, as long as I make Kyo feel better and get over Kaoru, I can deal with that. And when Kyo's over Kaoru completely, then I might have my chance with him. Nobody remains in unrequited love with some person for years and years. Kyo'll get over Kaoru with time. _

And Toshiya believed that to be true. He just wasn't sure he was strong enough to wait until that time comes.

Toshiya looked back at Kyo. It was a mystery to him why Kyo let him stay. Why he was having sex with Toshiya. Why he embraced Toshiya's offered company so easily. He guessed that perhaps for Kyo it was better to have Toshiya's love than no love at all. Perhaps Kyo's fear of being alone terrified him more than anything else.

When Toshiya stayed one night, Kyo didn't say anything. The second night was the same. Nights went by, but Kyo didn't say anything. He even started cooking meals for Toshiya. But why? If it was anybody else, would Kyo have let them stay as well? Is it that at this point he doesn't care who's fucking him, as long as somebody's fucking him?

Toshiya finished his meal and pushed the plate aside.

He wanted to ask Kyo all those questions, but he couldn't force himself to do that. The fact that Kyo called out Kaoru's name during sex should be a good enough hint for Toshiya.

"Can I ask you something?"

Toshiya jumped a little bit from unexpectedness. He was too deep in thought and didn't notice Kyo was staring at him for the last few minutes.

"Sure, Kyo."

"When you last saw Shinya… how was he? I mean… happy? Worried? Tired? Or… I don't know, just…"

Toshiya's face saddened a little, but he extended his hand over the table and caught Kyo's one.

"Last time I saw him was a couple of months before… before he died… But I talked on the phone with him just three days before it happened…"

Toshiya looked Kyo in the eyes and smiled sadly.

"He sounded happy and excited. He said he wants to meet me, because he will probably have exciting news for me. I never got to know what it was…"

Kyo lowered his eyes and stared at the table, afraid his face would betray the guilt.

"I miss him a lot…" Toshiya said quietly. "But I'm happy you made it back home, Kyo. I'm really, really happy you came back."

Kyo nodded, though he wasn't sure why. Suddenly he felt a huge weight on his shoulders and he felt like he couldn't bare it anymore. Shinya's death. Kaoru never loving him. Toshiya to whom he couldn't return the sentiment, only the physical release. And the responsibility that was put on his shoulders today. The one he couldn't help but feel guilty for refusing.

"All is going to be fine, Kyo. I promise."

Kyo just nodded again.

Toshiya stood up and went over to Kyo. He leaned down and kissed Kyo on the head.

"Come on, let's go to bed. I know it's a bit early, but we both need some rest."

Kyo complied, though he didn't feel sleepy at all. In the corner of his eye he saw the Man following them and he made sure to close the bedroom door before he got in.

He snuggled up to Toshiya and let the other man embrace him. It felt safer this way. He could bury his head in Toshiya's broad chest and muffle the sounds of footsteps and the beeping of the alarm.

With Toshiya it felt safer.

He closed his eyes, but the sleep never claimed him. It was only when he heard Toshiya fast asleep that he slipped out of bed and laid down in the gap between the wall and the bed, hearing Toshiya's deep breathing above him.

**TBC**

I'm trying not to forget I'm writing, but so far I've been failing at that _" I still hope I'll be quicker with the next update :)

As for this chapter… not so sure… I'm struggling to put everything in the story so that the plot would make sense. I hope I am succeeding at least somewhat.

As always, your feedback is very much appreciated ;)


	10. Chapter 10

So here it is, a new chapter finally, after what feels like forever _ I really hope there still were people waiting for it :( I'm sorry it took ages to pull out an update! Next chapter is already written, so you won't have to wait forever until I update again! :) As what concerns this particular chapter, the deeper into this forest, the darker it gets _ Somehow the plot got a bit too complicated and I'm just trying to untangle this mess now :) And it's probably going to be 13 chapters altogether XD Anyways, please enjoy this instalment and forgive me my slowness! ^^

CHAPTER 10

Toshiya slammed the door behind him and stormed down the hall. He punched the elevator button angrily and waited for the door to open.

The reasonable side of him knew he wasn't right at shouting at his band mates and going as far as even pushing one of them, but he couldn't see reason anymore. He was exhausted, sleep deprived, tired and angry. And the worst part of it was that he knew why, but he couldn't really do much to change it.

Kyo was tiring him out.

Somewhere along the weeks they were together Toshiya finally noticed that Kyo barely ever slept. Usually he would be very quiet, but sometimes he would stay up talking and even arguing with somebody.

That was another thing Toshiya couldn't make himself be comfortable with. Kyo was seeing things, talking to imaginary people and he didn't even realize that!

Sometimes at night when Toshiya would be woken up by Kyo's voice, he would find it extremely unnerving to have Kyo lying on the ground between the bed and the wall, and murmuring to somebody in the darkness. Toshiya knew there was nobody in the bedroom with them, but he couldn't help looking around just to make sure.

Other nights Kyo would be shouting downstairs, slamming doors, even screaming. During nights like that Toshiya barely would have any sleep at all. And he always needed to get up early to get to his band's office or the studio, because Kyo lived on the other side of Tokyo from it, which meant almost two hours of traveling for Toshiya. And the company his band belonged to wasn't accepting any excuses.

Toshiya did try gently suggesting to Kyo that maybe he should see a doctor, he wasn't even specific enough and didn't say what doctor he had in mind, but Kyo wasn't listening. He said he felt fine, just had a little trouble sleeping.

I have to think how to persuade him. Maybe if I asked Kaoru to tell Kyo to go see a doctor…

The saddest part for Toshiya was that he thought Kyo would immediately do as Kaoru told him. But Toshiya didn't want to ask Kaoru's help. At least not yet. He was still hoping to solve this problem on his own.

When Toshiya finally got back to Kyo's house, he felt some of his anger vanish. He breathed easier and felt calmer. He knew he will have to apologize to his bandmates next day. After all, they were colleagues working closely together, even though he wasn't nearly as close to them as he was to Dir en grey members. Deep down inside he knew his former bandmates will always be closest to his heart. But this was now his new band and his new job, and he had to make it work. In a week they were going to have their first show filmed at Budokan. There cannot be any arguments between them, especially not because Toshiya felt like exploding in front of everybody because of some silly reason.

Stopping at the front door of Kyo's house, Toshiya took a deep breath and then unlocked the door. Kyo gave him the key long ago, because he said it made more sense for Toshiya to let himself in. Less trouble and inconveniences.

I wish he gave me the key because he wanted me to have it.

Toshiya stepped inside and locked the door behind him. There still was time to change Kyo's heart, he was constantly telling himself. After all, Kyo wouldn't be fucking somebody he didn't like just because he wanted sex. He had to like Toshiya, he just had to, at least a little bit. And he wasn't going to be in love with Kaoru forever, knowing Kaoru was with Die for years.

So if anyone asked Toshiya, he would say he still had a chance with Kyo. And quite a big one.

Feeling slightly better, Toshiya took off his shoes and went to the kitchen where he could see the only light in the house. He found Kyo sitting at the table, rice cooker in front of him full of steaming rice as smells suggested, fried vegetables in a pan and freshly made curry sauce in another one.

"Evening" Toshiya smiled and leaned in to peck Kyo on the lips. "Smells wonderful."

"Hey" was Kyo's quiet answer.

"How was your day, Kyo-kun? Are you ok?"

"'m fine."

"You sure?"

Kyo just nodded and Toshiya decided to accept this answer for now, even though Kyo looked a little down. Come to think of it, Kyo looked a little upset lately, but Toshiya couldn't manage to get Kyo to tell him what was bothering him.

They ate in silence and then washed the dishes. Toshiya took a shower and as it was almost eleven they retired to bed to watch some program on TV. Toshiya hugged Kyo with one arm and was relieved to find his hands full of Kyo. Kyo made himself comfortable, putting his head on Toshiya's chest, his leg between Toshiya's legs and closed his eyes.

After a while the bedroom filled up with the sounds of Kyo's deep breathing and Toshiya simply turned off the TV and watched Kyo's small frame resting in his arms. When the clock neared twelve, Toshiya turned off the lights and made himself comfortable in bed.

oOoOoOo

Constant bumping and crashing woke Toshiya up. At first he was confused as to what those sounds were and where they were coming from. Kyo wasn't in bed with him anymore, so Toshiya glanced at the floor behind the bed, but the sheets down there were empty as well.

Something crashed downstairs again and Toshiya jumped out of bed. He ran downstairs and almost tripped over something, as no lights were on. The sounds were coming from the living-room. He ran inside it and turned on the light.

Kyo was standing in his underwear in the middle of the wrecked room, holding what looked like chair's leg. When Toshiya turned on the light, Kyo flinched and turned to Toshiya.

"Kyo, what's happening?"

But the look Kyo gave was one of confusion and fear.

"It's on, and I can't find the switch to turn it off!"

"What are you talking about, Kyo?"

Kyo turned away and threw the leg of a chair at the window. The glass didn't break, but the piece of wood rebounded and landed on the floor.

"Where the fuck is it? I can't take any more of this fucking beeping!" Kyo shouted and grabbed a table and turned it over. "Help me find it!" Kyo screamed, but he wasn't talking to Toshiya.

"Come on, Kyo, let's go back to bed" Toshiya said, coming closer to Kyo and trying to ignore the wrecked living-room. He took Kyo by his arm, but Kyo immediately freed himself from Toshiya's grip and grabbed the magazines lying on the table, threw them aside and kicked the table with his leg.

"Kyo, stop it, let's go back to bed" Toshiya pleaded, feeling like he was losing his temper already. He grabbed Kyo's arm again, but Kyo pushed Toshiya back, smacking him on the face with another hand.

Kyo then ran up to the mirror on the wall, forced it off the wall with some difficulty and threw the whole mirror directly at Toshiya.

"Leave me alone!" Kyo screamed. "Both of you!"

Toshiya ducked to avoid the mirror, but its wooden framed corner hit his face and Toshiya screamed in pain. For a moment Toshiya stood there dumbfounded, clutching his face. Bright drops of red blood found their way through Toshiya's fingers and fell on the floor. Chards of broken glass scattered on his right as the mirror broke into pieces landing on the floor behind him.

Toshiya didn't have time to recover from shock and pain when a heavy book appeared out of nowhere and hit him on the head. The next second he heard footsteps and then Kyo jumped on him, beating him frantically whenever he could reach.

"Where did you hid it?" Kyo screamed hysterically. "Turn it off! Turn it off!"

For a moment Toshiya felt disoriented and could only cover his head with his hands to avoid the blows, but in a few seconds he grabbed Kyo's arms and pushed Kyo off him. He then pinned Kyo's arms behind his back and managed to hold him pressed to the wall.

Kyo was struggling in his grip, madly trying to get away, squeezing his eyes shut as if he was also in pain.

"Toshiya, help me! Totchi, please!"

The scream startled Toshiya and he stared at Kyo for a moment.

"I'm here, Kyo!" Toshiya said as clearly and loudly as he could, but Kyo was still struggling in his arms, not looking at him.

"Toshiya!" Kyo screamed again and suddenly hit Toshiya between the legs. Toshiya fell to the ground, clutching his penis and balls in his big hands, his vision clouded for long, long moments. Somewhere in the distance he would hear Kyo scream for him, but at that moment he could only concentrate on his pain.

When he felt he could stand up again, Kyo was gone from the living-room.

It took another forty-five minutes to get Kyo to calm down. All the time Kyo didn't recognize him, for Toshiya it looked like Kyo didn't even really see him, he was somewhere far away.

When Toshiya finally managed to get Kyo to calm down, it was ten to four in the morning – less than three hours of sleep left.

oOoOoOo

"What happened to you?"

Toshiya looked up and saw Kyo's worried face. He did hear Kyo's quiet footsteps on the wooden floor, but was reluctant to look up even when he heard Kyo stop a few feet away from him. The concern in Kyo's voice didn't help at all. Toshiya was tired, sleepy, beaten up and angry. It was hard for him to find some compassion for Kyo right at that moment.

"It's all thanks to you" he said, for the first time in weeks directing anger straight at Kyo.

"W-what?" Kyo looked genuinely confused.

"What do you think happened to your living-room and kitchen?" Toshiya asked, looking irritated. "You did all of this, including my black eye and these cuts on my face."

Kyo looked shocked. He closed the distance between them and lifted his hand to touch Toshiya's cheek, but Toshiya moved away from Kyo.

"I don't remember doing any of that…." Kyo said, sounding upset. "I'm so sorry…"

"Well, I'm sorry as well" Toshiya said. "I've got a show at Budokan in a week! How am I supposed to go on stage now, looking like that?"

"I… I'm sorry" Kyo repeated, his voice now sounding weak and small.

"Kyo, do you even realize that you're having hallucinations all the time?"

Kyo looked at him like he thought Toshiya was the mad one.

"I'm serious here, Kyo. It's a really big problem and the sooner you get help for that, the better."

Kyo turned his head to the right, as if glancing at somebody.

"There's nobody there, Kyo" Toshiya said, sounding colder than he intended.

He didn't want to upset Kyo or be cruel about this, but he was so tired, so sleepy, his face felt like it was on fire, still very fresh and painful. And it was hard for him to find some pity in his heart for Kyo. Even if he loved Kyo so damn much.

"You know what, Kyo, I need rest. I'm not coming back here tonight after work. I'll go straight home and sleep for twelve hours. And I need to take care of my cuts and bruises."

"Toshiya…"

"No, Kyo, I need rest. I desperately need it."

"You said you won't ever leave me" Kyo's shaky voice reached his ears.

"I'm just going to go to my flat to rest" Toshiya said, though the way he tensed up spoke volumes about his inner turmoil.

"Are you coming back to me tomorrow?"

There was a long silence and Kyo waited, subconsciously wriggling his hands together. Now when Toshiya said he won't be coming back tonight, it left him feeling very scared.

"Maybe after… after the Budokan. That show is really very important, so I have to be fresh and energetic for that."

"Toshiya, please…" Kyo sounded like he was on the verge of tears. "If I did all of this to you – I'm so very sorry! I swear I don't remember hitting you! But please, Toshiya, please don't leave me alone! You said you'd never leave me! So please, don't leave!"

Toshiya's resolve faltered for a second, but then he thought of a whole day ahead in the studio and still too many hours before he could finally sleep, and he didn't look at Kyo, but put on his shoes and took his bag in hand.

"Go back upstairs, Kyo, get some sleep. Go see a doctor today, maybe he'll help you with your hallucinations. And I'll be back as soon as I feel less like murdering somebody."

Then without any more words Toshiya turned and left the house.

When the door was closed, Kyo stoop there on the threshold for a while, starring at the door as if hoping that Toshiya would change his mind and come back.

But he didn't and Kyo slowly made himself move.

He went back upstairs, crawled into the space between the wall and the bed, and got in his cocoon made of sheets.

Sleep never came.

All the time he heard footsteps in the bedroom and couldn't stop thinking if what Toshiya said was true.

Was there really The Man walking in his bedroom or was he just sick in his head, like Toshiya implied?

For the first time Kyo was afraid to get out of his sheets and see for himself. So he just lay there, listening and trying to will himself to sleep.

oOoOoOo

Kyo fidgeted, looking up at the sky, then directing his gaze to an old door of the nightclub. He was safely hid in the shadows of the trees and dusk, but he still felt too exposed. It also didn't help that he constantly kept looking over his shoulder to make sure he wasn't followed.

It was four days since Toshiya left and after calming down Kyo finally admitted to himself that probably it was for the best to both of them. Nothing good would have come out of their odd relationship anyway. It was good to have somebody around him all the time, but Kyo knew he had to let go.

Considering the situation, Toshiya might have been in danger as well. And the last thing Kyo wanted was for Shinya's fate to befall on somebody else. Even on Die. Kyo desperately wanted to keep all of his friends safe.

"Come on, you can do it" Kyo murmured encouragingly to himself.

He looked back at the door again. As long as he was standing there and watching the door, nobody came in or out. But that was his only option. He didn't know what else he could do.

I'm never getting my old life back, it's as well I do something meaningful with the one I have now.

He inhaled deeply, closing his eyes for a moment, then stepped out of the shadows and headed to the building. He knew that deep down inside he have made this decision days ago, but to subject oneself to such situation took a lot of courage and Kyo wasn't sure he had enough of it inside his heart.

In what felt like a few moments he reached the door and without hesitation pushed it open and stepped inside.

All was quite once he stepped inside and closed the door. Nothing looked different – same dirty, narrow hall, same few lights dimly lit on the ceiling, same eerie silence. Kyo put his hands in his pockets and quietly stepped deeper into the hall. He made it all the way to the room where he and Ryuu had a conversation, but the room was empty. For a moment Kyo stood there, thinking of what he should do.

Finally Kyo went back to the entrance and lingered there for a moment, waiting. But in the end he had to admit that there was nothing else for him to do than leave. The nightclub was empty.

Kyo went out and headed to the park on the other side of the road. He wandered around for some time, then finally sat down on the bench and starred at his dirty shoes.

He felt like the whole weight of the world suddenly descended on his shoulders.

Shinya gone – killed because he was Kyo's friend.

His band wiped clean from the face of the earth and he doubted anyone cared anymore Dir en grey stopped existing.

No money in his bank account – nothing to keep his house warm, to keep the water coming from taps and the telephone ringing, nothing to buy food or to pay for bus fares with.

Kaoru turning his back on him. Die hating him with passion, though Kyo never did anything to hurt his friend deliberately.

Toshiya, promising to be with him forever, then gone in a few weeks. Gone because he said Kyo was a crazy insomniac.

Was there anything at all that was right in his life?

"So I heard you were looking for me."

Kyo jumped from unexpectedness and turned his head to where the voice came from. Only when he saw the face, he was able to place the voice and the person together. It was Ryuu Hoshi, standing next to him, looking down at him curiously, with a hint of a smile on his face.

"Sorry if I scared you. I didn't mean to sneak up on you."

Ryuu sat down next to Kyo, intently starring Kyo in the face.

"Well? I'm listening."

Kyo stared at him for a moment, but finally regained his composure. He nodded, then cleared his throat and tried again.

"I changed my mind. That is… if I still can…"

For a moment Ryuu looked a little surprised, but soon a feeling of relief flooded over his features and he smiled to Kyo.

"Of course you can. But I'm curious why such a sudden change?"

"I had time to think about it properly, I guess."

"I see…"

Both of them were silent for a while – Kyo waiting for Ryuu to make the next move, Ryuu watching Kyo, trying to figure him out.

"Is it safe to talk here?" Kyo asked after a long pause of silence.

"It is, but it's better not to stay too long here, just in case."

"So…" Kyo pushed the words out, feeling tired all of a sudden. "What now?"

"Are you really sure about this? You're not going to change your mind the next day?"

Kyo shook his head firmly. He knew he made his decision and for once he knew it was the right one.

"In that case, I need a bit of time to prepare your introduction to our organization. You've got a week or two before I come back to take you to the headquarters. From then on, you're a part of our organization and your life will change drastically. I have to warn you, though I hope you understand this without having me to say it to you, that you'll become an enemy of an Emperor just like me and all the others working for us, and your life will be in danger. You'll become a target and you won't be able to live a normal life until we take the Emperor down."

Kyo nodded slowly.

"What about my family?" he asked, looking Ryuu in the eyes.

"We will keep them safe. I can promise you that. Though I can't promise the same for Hara-san."

Kyo put his head in his hands, suddenly wanting to shield his worry laden face from Ryuu.

"I don't want him to get hurt."

"You can make sure he stays safe by not telling him anything. If he'll be clueless, he most probably will be safe. He'll have nothing that would be interesting to the Emperor."

Kyo nodded and slowly lowered his hands.

"Are you OK, Nishimura-san?"

"Please, call me Kyo."

"Kyo."

"You need to know one more thing" Kyo uttered, not looking at Ryuu. "I am not exactly… I mean Toshiya says I… I might not be completely sane…"

Kyo didn't look at Ryuu sitting next to him, but the stretching silence felt uncomfortable and awkward. Still, Kyo felt he needed to say this, if Ryuu was taking responsibility, he needed to know Kyo was not exactly right in his mind.

"I know" Ryuu finally said and Kyo turned sharply to look at him. "We'll fix that. Your insomnia and hallucinations can be fixed."

And the way Ryuu was so certain at what he was telling made Kyo believe it was really possible. Kyo nodded more to himself that Ryuu and wriggled his hands.

"So this is it…"

"Yes" Ryuu nodded. "Honestly, I wasn't expecting you to change your mind, so this is very good news to me. You will be of a big help to us, Kyo–san. We will change everything and if I'm really lucky, I might even get to put a bullet in the Emperor's head."

There was so much wistfulness in Ryuu's voice that Kyo couldn't stop the next question from flying out of his mouth.

"Why do you hate him so much?"

"And you don't?" Ryuu shot back, suddenly a sparkle of anger coming to life in his otherwise calm and friendly face.

"I… I hate the system – the Moon, the food tickets, hate being watched like some criminal, hate that they killed Shinya. But it's not one man standing behind all of it – there must be a whole bunch of people pulling Emperor's strings!"

"You're partly right, but the Emperor created this system and he gave the reins to those nameless people and he gave them permission to use any measures necessary to make the system work. Murder being just a part of it."

"But you said you work in the Emperor's Palace."

"I do."

"What did they do to you?"

Ryuu looked down at his watch and stood up.

"It's time for me to go. In a week, two at most, I'll come to pick you up. You'll live with us in the headquarters until all of this is finished one way or the other."

Kyo nodded, but Ryuu was already walking away.

Kyo walked through the park and took a bus home, all the way thinking about what he's just done. He felt unnerved and scared, but at the same time he knew he made the right decision. Finally he was doing something that wasn't selfish. It wasn't for him. He just hoped he could be of some real help to Ryuu and do some real tangible work for them.

When he reached home, he felt more relaxed for the first time since he got to know his house was bugged. He made himself a small dinner and sat to eat while watching evening news.

Toshiya wasn't coming home in a few hours like he used to and Kyo had absolutely nothing to do.

He tried to ignore the little pang in his heart he felt over this thought and focused on other things instead. He tried to focus on the news and ignore The Man sitting down next to him with a smug look on his face that appeared there from the day Toshiya left.

You're not here.

But Kyo could only say it in his mind for he was afraid The Man would not appreciate this kind of talk.

oOoOoOo

He felt like all he did was sleep and after more than a week he felt like he was born just yesterday. His body was no longer tired and falling apart, his mind was sharp and clear, aware and on guard.

And turning the key in the lock he felt slightly nervous, a bit guilty, but happy at the same time.

He stepped inside and took off his shoes, then hesitated.

"Kyo?"

There was complete silence in the house and he was about to call again, when he suddenly heard noise upstairs as if somebody rolled off the futon on the floor and heavily stood up. Then quick and heavy steps over the wooden floor, the hall, the stairs and next second Kyo appeared in front of him.

"Toshiya?"

Kyo looked shocked to see him. His face from pale turned completely white and he just stared at Toshiya, disbelieving.

"I'm sorry, Kyo. I should have never done anything as stupid as to walk away from you when you needed me the most" Toshiya bowed slightly. "I'm really sorry for that. But I'm here now and I'm prepared to pay whatever price you'll require for the redemption of my stupidity and selfishness."

Kyo shook his head slowly, but Toshiya stepped forward and hugged him, burying his face in Kyo's neck.

"I'm so, so sorry, Kyo-kun."

All Kyo could think of was that he had just 5 days at most until he disappeared from the face of the earth.

oOoOoOo

Toshiya glanced at Kyo seated next to him and starring out the bus' window. Kyo didn't speak much, but he looked determined and solemn which didn't really fit to the whole 'let's go out today to the Ferris Wheel' proposal. Toshiya agreed more because he didn't want to upset Kyo more than he already did, but also because he though an afternoon out with Kyo was a wonderful idea.

Secretly Toshiya sneaked a hand and laid it over Kyo's thigh. He squeezed his hand gently, in what he hoped would be a reassuring gesture, but Kyo just glanced at him for a second and turned back to stare out the window.

Yesterday Toshiya soon found out that Kyo was not ready to talk, but he accepted Toshiya's physical affection and they had sex. It worried Toshiya a little that Kyo clung desperately to him like he never did before, but he hoped that after he will prove that he's never leaving him again, Kyo could finally relax and trust him.

In the early hours of the morning Toshiya was woken up by Kyo tracing his fingers over his abdomen and Toshiya had to bit down the question if Kyo slept at all at night. They had breakfast and Kyo said he wanted to go out. Only when they reached the bus stop he decided he wanted to go on a Ferris Wheel and Toshiya could only nod.

"Are you alright, Kyo?" Toshiya asked.

Kyo nodded in response and turned to look at his lover.

"I'm just a little tired."

Toshiya wanted to probe further, but a crowded bus wasn't a place for that. So he waited until they got off the bus. Kyo headed straight for the Ferris Wheel and Toshiya was happy to see him so enthusiastic at least over something.

The queue wasn't big and soon they were the ones to go. There was a couple behind them who were supposed to go together, but Kyo turned to look at them and asked if they minded to wait for the next one. Then with a barely visible gesture he reached forward and touched Toshiya's palm with the tips of his fingers for a few moments. The gesture was barely there, but the guy caught it and screwed his face in displeasure, halting his girlfriend in midstep.

"Go ahead" he said and Kyo didn't wait for anything more. He pushed Die inside and got after him, the staff member closing the doors behind them.

It was a strange kind of silence that fell over them. They could barely hear the noise of the city, but it felt like they were stuck in a thick and heavy cloud, pregnant with raging thunder, and were safe inside its womb, guarded from the noise of the outside world.

Kyo sat down and Toshiya followed him reluctantly, glancing at the couple once more before he felt the cabin slowly moving forward.

"What was all that about, Kyo?" Toshiya asked uncertainly.

"I need to tell you something and I've only got some fifteen or twenty minutes" Kyo said, looking ahead of himself through the glass walls of this storm cloud. "You have to swear with your life you are not going to say a word about this when we get out of this cabin, as I might be followed. Also, it is imperative that you absolutely don't even mention anything at my house, because it is bugged and has been since I got back from The Moon."

It was good that Toshiya fell speechless after Kyo started talking, because Kyo had no time to argue with him. Time was priceless at that moment.

"Do you understand?"

Toshiya nodded curtly, still staring at Kyo.

"In a few days I will be gone and you won't find me. This way will be safe for me and for everyone else. You have to pretend you know nothing about it and don't care. I will join people who are doing everything they can to take the Emperor down and since the moment I'll join them, I'll be an enemy of the country. But as long as I can help at least in the smallest way, I don't care about that.

Toshiya, you have to promise me you won't do anything stupid like go looking for me. The Emperor's dogs will kill you."

Kyo looked Toshiya in the eyes and his look became clouded with pain.

"I never told this to anybody… About what happened to Shinya…"

"Shinya died in a fire" Toshiya uttered, feeling like finally there was something he could say.

Kyo shook his head slowly.

"He died because of me."

And Kyo couldn't help it, couldn't stop the tears escaping from his eyes. He held them back for too long, feeling like he had no right to cry for Shinya.

"Shinya called me to The Moon with the help of his friend and because of that… they killed him…"

Kyo took a deep shuddering breath and closed his eyes for a moment, gathering up his strength.

"It's very hard to live with his death on my conscience, but there is nothing I can do. I can only help to prevent more killings like that. I can help them to destroy the empire that's strangling the whole country, sending people to The Moon, killing when it's useful for them."

Toshiya just stared, completely taken aback by all that he heard.

"When we go back home, I need you to get your stuff and go back home, leave my house. Go on with your life and whenever you have time, pray for me at the shrine. And… and put some incense for Shinya from me, please…"

Toshiya shook his head slowly.

"No, I'm not leaving you again."

"This is not the same, Toshiya. I am telling you to leave because if you won't, you'll be captured and tortured for information about me!"

"Kyo, where did you get all this information from? Who told you all of those things?"

Kyo looked at Toshiya warily.

"I cannot say that, that would be too much information for you to know."

"I mean, Kyo" Toshiya looked nervous suddenly. "Did… did that man living in your house told you all of this?"

"No, he's got nothing to do with –"

Kyo fell silent, starring at Toshiya opened mouth.

"Kyo, I know this must be hard for you, coming home from four years of nightmare, finding out Shinya's dead, Kaoru tricking you that way, even if he had all the good intentions for you, having no income anymore and desperately needing a job."

Toshiya took Kyo's hands in his ones gently, stroking his thumb over Kyo's skin.

"We'll get you some help, I promise. I have to work the rest of this week, but next week Tuesday we'll go to see your doctor and ask how you can get some help, what treatments they can give you."

Toshiya smiled gently, squeezing Kyo's hands in his.

"We can go through this together. I won't leave you again, I promise."

Kyo just stared, not knowing what to say. He felt frustrated and insulted at the same time.

"I'm not crazy, Toshiya."

"I know. You're just confused and scared. Anybody would be after four years of solitude on the Moon."

Kyo tore his hands out of Toshiya's grasp and stood up. They were at the very top of the Ferris Wheel now and the whole Tokyo lay in front of Kyo's eyes. As far as the eye could see – a concrete jungle of dirty, grey nothings. Still, it was better than the red, dead desert, stretching all over the planet as far as the eye could see, silent, and cold, and unwelcoming. Sometimes in the dead of the night Kyo would turn over and see small pieces of flesh of the unfortunate Moon worker scattered all over the floor of his bedroom and blood slowly running towards his sanctuary between the wall and the bed.

"Kyo! Toshiya's voice just right next to him startled him. He felt Toshiya circle his arms around his waist and press himself to his back.

"I'll sleep on the ground floor, buy ear plugs, we'll make the doctors get you some treatment for your insomnia and other issues, we'll find you a job and it'll all be well. You'll see."

And Kyo didn't know if he felt like crying or laughing.

But for the first time since Toshiya forced his way in his life, Kyo felt a pang in his heart knowing he'll have to lose him as well.

**TBC**

Sorry for such a delay yet again :( Hopefully my readers are still around XD

Comments would be so much welcomed and loved! ^^


	11. Chapter 11

**Author comment**: So, I'm much happier with this chapter, than with the previous one ^^ Hope I didn't leave any silly mistakes this time :O Your feedback would be so much appreciated! ^^

Also, hoping Kyo will get well soon! I want a happily-ever-after for his voice… :(

CHAPTER 11

Die glanced worriedly at Kaoru buried deep in a mountain of papers. Kaoru was always a workaholic type, but after the recent events he immersed himself into work more vigorously than ever before and Die easily guessed why. Whenever Kaoru would be worried about something that was out of his power to fix, he tended to occupy himself with other things like work, so that he could forget whatever is troubling him at least for a short time.

And these days not to be worried was a luxury only for the most ignorant ones.

That evening when they sat to have dinner and turned the news on, they were met with the most shocking thing ever. There was no news on, none of the channels showed their usual programs. All channels were translating one and only thing over and over again.

It was Kyo, seated in front of the camera, white wall behind him, telling the whole Japan of what he had to go through in The Moon – constant lack of sleep, dangerous work in the pipes where he could have stuck and hurt himself any day, where the pipes could have simply crumbled upon him; other worker dead, torn to pieces and Kyo drilling through his flesh and bones to unclog the pipe; of self-inflicted punishment of injecting into his own body drugs that sent agonising spasms to his muscles, writhing and screaming in pain for the longest time, almost biting his tongue off once; of coming back home sick and unwell in his mind.

Telling the whole Japan how his dearest friend Shinya managed to hack into the system and call him and was punished for that – killed together with his friend who helped him. Two families destroyed by the loss of their sons, brothers, lovers and friends.

Telling how he had no happiness and relief after coming back to poverty, being refused to get a job, being followed and monitored, being terrorized into keeping his mouth shut and leaving other people oblivious to the truth.

Telling that there must be tens, hundreds of people like him, restrained like prisoners in their houses by the Emperor.

And promising that all soon will change.

And this message was broadcasted over and over again, until finally the screen went to blank, stayed dead silent for a few moments and then the picture of the weather prognoses sprang to the screen, the weather girl telling it's going to be rainy tomorrow like nothing has happened.

Surprisingly, there was nothing in the newspapers about that the next day, nothing on the internet of any magazine, TV station and anything alike. And that, to the more intelligent ones, was a very unnerving sign that, unfortunately, all that was said yesterday by Kyo was true. And the Emperor had all the power in the country to even silence the media.

People in the streets, shops, cafes and on the buses all looked like yesterday they got to know their neighbour was cruelly murdered – desperate to get more details on what had happened, but afraid to ask in case they'll be misunderstood or worse, accused themselves.

Die was as shocked as Kaoru, but slightly reluctant to go to Kyo's house immediately. They did try calling, but Kyo's house phone was dead as well as his mobile. When they arrived at the dead of the night, they found nothing. Kyo's house was unlocked, but empty. No sign of any fight or struggle, no sign of hurried leave, just a tidy room after room, empty of any occupiers.

Kaoru called Toshiya, but his phone was turned off. That made Die and Kaoru really worried and they went to Toshiya's place then. Again, nothing. This time the door was locked, the windows dark. No sign of Toshiya.

In the later days they tried to contact Kyo's parents, but nobody answered the phone as much as they called. Kyo didn't have any other friends that they knew of. They didn't have any numbers of Toshiya's relatives or other friends. Soon they felt stuck, both of their friends missing.

Die did wonder out loud about the option of going to police. But they both knew that they couldn't go to police asking about Kyo. They did try going to ask about Toshiya, but police dismissed them, saying he was an adult who perhaps was on vacation and that they had other, more important things to worry about.

And they felt stuck, not knowing what else they could do. Die found himself thinking about his last meeting with Kyo and how he regretted being so cruel and heartless to him. And Kaoru, he looked devastated.

Die put the pen down (he wasn't writing or reading any of those papers anyway) and went to make a cup of tea for himself and his lover.

It's been almost two weeks since Kyo's message appeared on TV and already he noticed some changes. Policemen appeared in the streets, sour-faced and undisputable. There always used to be some of them, but now it seemed like every bigger street had its own guardian. Suddenly people appeared on their doorstep, asking for the passports, documents proving the ownerships of the flats or houses, job contracts, bank accounts' checks. Who knew what else was silently happening, without being reported anywhere on the news.

But Die felt it – something was festering deep within the long-forgotten wound. Something foul, contagious and dangerous, something that was out of his reach to control.

The sound of the kettle boiling startled Die from his thoughts. He slowly poured tea in the cups and brought them back to the table. The bottom of a porcelain cup hitting wooden table sounded loud in an empty office at midnight, but Kaoru didn't even glance at it.

Die waited for a moment, but as Kaoru made no sign of taking his eyes from the papers, he extended his hand and put it gently on Kaoru's palm. Finally Kaoru slowly lifted his eyes and looked at Die.

"Let's go home, Kao, it's Friday. We're ahead of the schedule anyway."

"Yeah… I guess we do need some sleep…"

Die smiled, happy he didn't need to keep persuading Kaoru to get his agreement.

"We'll come back on Monday and will find the papers exactly in the same spot, don't worry!"

Kaoru nodded, and took the cup of tea. He sipped the hot green liquid and closed his eyes for a moment. Die was still grasping his hand and this small gesture felt reassuring and calming. Die was this constant presence, calming him, taking care of him, making him laugh, making him ecstatic, making him happy.

And still…

"Die, I don't know wh–"

Kaoru stopped, turning sharply to the direction of the hall leading to the exit. Die was also suddenly tense and looking at the door. They both heard it – a loud knock on the front door of their band's office.

They sat still, barely breathing, waiting.

Less than five seconds passed and the knocking reassumed, harder and more persistent than before.

Die stoop up, but Kaoru followed right behind him and grabbed Die's hand, stopping him. Unspoken words passed through them as they stared each other in the eyes, but the knocking repeated the third time and Die tore his hand out of Kaoru's grasp and went for the door.

Kaoru was right behind him, feeling very nervous and scared, even though he had no idea why he thought he should be scared or of whom.

Die didn't hesitate, he unlocked the door and opened it widely. A tall dark figure pushed inside immediately and closed the door again, grasping at the lock until his long fingers managed to finally lock it. The next second the hood, shielding the face, fell down and both Kaoru and Die gasped in surprise.

"Toshiya!"

He looked worn and tired, dirty and hungry, scared and stressed out.

"What happened to you? Where've you been?" Kaoru grabbed his arm and dragged him to the room they were just sitting. But Toshiya didn't let himself be seated immediately. He went to the window and closed the blinds securely, then made a little gap with his fingers and peaked outside, watching and listening.

When he was satisfied, he then finally turned to his friends and looked at them. And the look he gave was one of a very tired man.

"God, Totchi, come, sit down, are you hungry?" Kaoru ushered him to the table once more and this time Toshiya obliged.

Die rummaged through the cabinets of the office, finding some apples and biscuits. The boxes barely managed to touch the table's surface, as Toshiya just tore the packet open and ate the biscuits barely chewing.

In the white light of the office Die and Kaoru now could observe their friend more closely. They saw him in muddy jeans and shoes covered in dirt, saw his white shirt that hasn't been washed for ages, yellow under his armpits, saw his hoody crumpled, his hands shaking a little as he grasped at the food with his dirty skin and black fingernails, his hair dishevelled and tangled like a bird's nest.

"What the hell happened to you, Toshiya?" Die asked, sitting down next to his friend.

Toshiya was still stuffing the food in his mouth and Kaoru got him a bottle of mineral water. Only after all the food he was offered was gone and he washed it with a drink, Toshiya finally sat back in his chair and looked at his friends.

"Totchi, where have you been? What happened?"

"I didn't believe him when he told me all of that" Toshiya said, his voice sounding weak.

"Who?"

"Kyo, of course!" Toshiya raised his voice for a fraction of a moment, then slumped down over the table. "He told me everything and I dismissed it all as his illusions…"

"Toshiya, you need to be more precise" Kaoru said gently, but firmly.

Slowly, stumbling over words, Toshiya recounted his day at the Ferris Wheel and all Kyo told him.

"And after less than three days he was gone. And then… then police came and started questioning me about Kyo. I didn't tell them a thing of our conversation, but they kept me for nine hours, questioning me over and over again about Kyo's behaviour, anything strange that I noticed, any strange people that he met.

And then when they let me go, day in and day out I felt I was being followed. There were men constantly behind me, shadowy figures outside my building, constantly turned to my windows. I couldn't talk on the telephone with anyone, I was afraid I was being listened to.

And then, eight days ago, when I left in the morning for work, a man started coming in quick steps towards me as I was stepping outside the building, and I swear he had a gun in his hand, half-hiding it behind his coat. And I didn't even think before I started running."

Toshiya fell silent and drank the remaining mineral water from the bottle.

"Since then I was hiding. I saw Kyo on TV. After that it became even harder to be unnoticed as police where on every corner. But I just ran out of money, and I've got nowhere to go anymore. I don't know what to do now…"

Die and Kaoru were silent, starring at Toshiya in shock.

"Shit, this is bad" Die finally said, looking at Kaoru.

"I'm sorry, but I didn't know where else to go."

"Don't be stupid, Toshiya, we'll help you" Kaoru said, looking worried. Though he had a hard time imagining where they could find a place for Toshiya at the moment. Certainly their flat wasn't the best idea.

"D'you think we're also being followed?" Die asked.

"I don't know" Kaoru answered, glancing at Toshiya worriedly.

Toshiya looked very tired, his eyes were already half closed, his whole body relaxed on the chair.

"Where you've been all this time?" Kaoru asked.

"I was staying in some cheap love hotels, registering by a false name. But I ran out of money and the last couple of nights I had to spend in the streets, I was afraid to go back home."

"You did the right thing staying out of it" Die agreed.

They fell silent, each of them thinking their own thoughts. Toshiya was more dozing, than anything else. In the safety of his friends company he let himself relax for the first time after many days of being on the run.

In the middle of a silent night a car driving into the car park in front of their office was obnoxiously loud. Toshiya's head immediately snapped up and he stared at the window, eyes wide with fear. Die looked at Kaoru and stood up. Toshiya extended his hand as if to stop Die, but Die was already out of his reach.

Die went to the window cautiously and moved the blinds a few millimetres apart. He stared outside for a few moments, then turned back to look at his friends, pale in the face.

"Four men are getting out of a black Jaguar."

And just a few more seconds passed when they heard a silent bump at the front door.

They were not knocking to be let in.

Toshiya was on his feet, looking scared and almost panicking.

"Is there another way out?" he asked, barely keeping his voice low.

"Yes!" Kaoru nodded. He grabbed his wallet and car keys, Die doing the same, and then went to the hall, but turned completely the other way. They hurried down the hall and down the steps to another dark hall. They could barely see anything, but were afraid to turn the lights off, in case the men would get in the building and would see a clearly lit escape path.

Die, Kaoru and Toshiya struggled through the dark hall until its end, then turned right and went down another hall in total darkness. There were no windows anymore, but Kaoru knew his way and led his friends. Soon they bumped into the door and Kaoru swiped his key-card to get it opened. They got inside and Kaoru locked the door, then after a few moments the light went on.

They found themselves in a big storage room, full of boxes, unused furniture and other junk. Kaoru crossed the room and found another door. It was locked, but Kaoru fished out a key and opened it. He never used this fire escape way before except for those few times in safety training.

Finally they were greeted with the outside of the building. It was a dark alleyway, no people, no cars around. Kaoru closed the door behind him and locked it. But as soon as he put the key in his pocket, they heard steps coming from the corner of the building, right were the main entrance to the building was.

"Go!" Die pushed Kaoru and Toshiya the other way, and they ran. Before they managed to turn the corner, a bullet hit the ground at their feet. This made Toshiya stumble over his feet, momentarily panicking, but Die grabbed his hand and helped him keep the pace.

They ran straight ahead, then turned right again and found themselves in another dark alleyway, littered with boxes and garbage bags. Soon Die understood that Toshiya wasn't able to keep up with them and they both fell behind Kaoru.

There was an old abandoned building just a few metres away and Kaoru saw the chance. As soon as they got near it, Kaoru assaulted the first door he saw with his body and it gave in, opening up a notch. They slipped inside and pushed the door closed again.

Quietly they went deeper into the building, keeping close to the wall. There was nothing inside, so as soon as they hit another wall, they found a gaping hole in it that once was a door and slipped into another room. Then the three of them slumped down on the ground, breathing heavily, and fell silent.

They didn't have to wait long. Even though they were inside a building, they still heard distant footsteps, running on the outside. They passed and Die couldn't help but release a sigh in relief.

They sat, waiting and a few moments later more footsteps were heard coming closer and then passing.

Then for a long time all was very silent.

Soon it started to get cold and they sat closer together, trying to keep themselves warm.

Sitting in total darkness, in a silent eerie night it was hard to say how much time passed. For a very long time nobody even dared to speak, let alone walk outside. They all waited and waited and waited.

Only when their muscles started to ache because of the uncomfortable position, and the fear slowly left their bodies, freeing their limbs from its locks, only then did Kaoru and Die slowly stood up and grabbed each other's arms, wanting to feel where the other was.

"Do you think it's safe already?" Kaoru whispered.

"It must be at least four hours since we've been here."

"Where will we go?" Toshiya's teary voice reached them.

Toshiya was on the run for days and this was not helping to his weakened state of body and mind. He had nothing positive to think about.

"We'll think of something" Kaoru said.

So they stood up and slowly, quietly made their way to the door. Die tried to peek outside from the gap, but saw nothing. Only the first light of the morning painting the sky a light pink. They pushed the door open and cautiously stepped outside.

And then, as if out of nowhere, a short skinny guy appeared in front of them.

Toshiya recoiled, white as a sheet from fear, Kaoru's heart sank to his stomach and Die could only think of extending his hands in front of his lover and his friend, having nothing else to defend them with.

"There is no time" the guy spoke, looking concerned. "Come with me, I'll take you to a safe place."

He turned and started walking. Die, Kaoru and Toshiya looked at each other and an unspoken agreement was reached.

They slowly moved and followed the guy. Just round the corner they saw an old, grey Subaru and the guy already getting into the passenger's seat.

They followed still hesitantly, but there was nothing else they could do. And for some reason, something about this guy made them feel they could trust him.

Sitting at the front together with the stranger Kaoru observed him from the corner of his eye. And soon he had to admit that he thought the stranger had Kyo's Chrome Hearts skull bracelet hanging proudly from his right wrist.

oOoOoOo

Kaoru and Die sat on one tiny bed, while Toshiya sat opposite them on another. They were huddled in a tiny room that only had three single beds, a table and a small cupboard. And they've been waiting for what felt like hours.

They argued and agreed and then argued again so many times, that at the end all they could actually do was wait. There was no point in wondering now if they made a right decision by getting into that guy's car. There was always a possibility that they made a mistake. But somehow all of them felt he was their saviour.

"How long is he expecting us to sit here waiting?" Die huffed, annoyed.

As if on cue the doors unlocked and opened and the same short skinny guy came in. He looked much less worried than he was before, but still there was a hint of uneasiness in his features. Die, Toshiya and Kaoru stood up, looking at him expectantly.

"I'm sorry for all the inconvenience and worry I made you go through, but there was no time for explanations. You all were in a very tight spot."

"Yes, and we're very grateful that you helped us out" Kaoru smiled, bowing slightly. "But we would like to know now who you are and where are we. And what exactly is going on."

The guy drove a while until he got to some underground passage and then for some time they were driving through a tunnel. When they stopped, he led the three friends through dimly lit corridors with doors and no windows until they came to this room and when Die, Kaoru and Toshiya got in, he told them he'll be back soon and locked the door from outside. That's where the three of them stayed since then, waiting.

The guy smiled and put his hands into pockets, visibly relaxing a little.

"My name is Ryuu Hoshi. You are at one of the smaller headquarters of the resistance fighters. But I'm afraid that's all I can tell you about the 'where' part. And I can't tell you much about the 'what' part as well. You watch TV, don't you?"

"We saw Kyo on TV, if that's what you're referring at" Die said a little impatiently.

"Well then, that's all you need to know. For the safety of the entire organization I cannot tell you more information in case something goes wrong and you get captured. Or in case you work for the Emperor."

"We don't'–" Die started, but Kaoru grabbed his hand harshly, to calm his temper.

"I know you don't" Ryuu answered calmly. "But the people I report to don't. And they have all the right to be cautious. The whole destiny of the country and peoples' lives depend on the success of our mission and mistakes like that cannot happen. That's why, I'm afraid, you're going to have to stay here."

Ryuu paused, looking at all three men in front of him.

"I confess, I did a very unprofessional thing and let my emotions take over my senses. I shouldn't have interfered and let you go on your own, even I knew you would've been captured in no time, questioned and then killed. But I did it for Kyo."

"Kyo?" Toshiya's undivided attention now was on Ryuu. "You know where he is?"

"I constantly visit him and monitor his progress. He's the only one who came back from the Moon being so sane. He's more valuable to us than he thinks he is. Not only now, but most probably more after the Emperor is dead."

Toshiya stared at Ryuu, his attention undivided.

"I did one thing I wasn't allowed to – I got a tracking bug placed into your stomach with food, so that when Kyo was gone, I could know where you are and keep an eye on you for him."

Now all three ex-band members stared at Ryuu.

"Don't worry, it's easily removable. You only need to drink a dissolving agent and it will slowly detach itself from your stomach and leave your system with meals. We can do it even tomorrow, if you'd like to, Toshiya-san.

So anyway, when Kyo disappeared, I know you were questioned and they showed more interest to you than I expected. And that was a bad sign. And after Kyo's appearance on TV, you were as good as dead. I was surprised you managed to hide from them for so long and I even dared to hope that maybe I won't need to interfere. But sadly, I should have known better.

With a bit of an effort I managed to get you out of trouble tonight. And with even more effort I finally got permission for you to stay here until we overtake the country. But I'm afraid that's all I can do. You'll have to live in this room together and do some work for us to earn your food and shelter. Nothing dangerous, on the contrary, very boring manual labour. But, as my superiors said, you've got no place in our plan, you don't fit in anywhere, so if you want our organization to give you food and shelter, you have to earn it.

I'm sorry that's all I can offer, but I'm pretty sure that if you were on your own, you'd soon be dead."

And they knew Ryuu was right. They barely had any cash and they were certain that any usage of their credit cards was already being followed.

"That's a bit a lot to process" Kaoru said slowly, not sure how to feel about all of this.

"How long we'll have to stay here?" Die asked.

Ryuu was about to answer, but Toshiya beat him.

"Can I see Kyo?"

"I'm afraid not."

"Why not? I want to see him! I want to know he's alright!"

"He's alright, but you won't be able to see him until it's all over. But I guess there's no harm in you talking to him."

Toshiya's face immediately beamed and he looked at Ryuu expectantly. Ryuu took out a mobile from his pocket and put in a number. He had to wait only for a moment before somebody on the other end picked up.

"Hey, Kyo!" Ryuu smiled. "Yes, I'm fine. I actually got somebody here who wants to talk to you. I'll put you on speakers, Kyo, but remember what we told you about talking on the phone! … OK, wait just a second."

Ryuu took the phone from his ear and turned the speakers on. Toshiya leaned closer to the phone, barely managing not to grin.

"Hey, Kyo!"

"T-totchi?" Kyo's voice sounded incredulous.

"Yes, it's me. How are you, Kyo? Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Better tell me what you and Ryuu are doing together?"

"I was in a bit of a trouble and Ryuu helped me out."

"Shit… they… they got you, didn't they?" Kyo sounded remorseful and sad.

"Yes, but Ryuu helped me out and I'm somewhere where he took us. We'll stay here until everything finishes."

"We?"

"Kaoru and Die are also here."

"…"

"Hi, Kyo" Kaoru said quietly.

"…"

"I had nowhere to go, the only ones I could think of going for help where Kaoru and Die, but as soon as I got to their studio, we were chased by some guys with guns and Ryuu saved us. I didn't want to drag them into any of this, but… well, what's done is done..."

"I see…" Kyo finally said.

"Kyo, listen, I'm very sorry for not believing you, I know you must have felt like –"

"Don't worry, Toshiya" Kyo interrupted him. "I understand how it all must have looked to you. They're giving me pills here, trying to put my mind back to normal and I am finally seeing things how they truly are. The Man… that man is gone… And recently I've been sleeping for 6 or even 7 hours straight."

"That's amazing, Kyo!"

They could hear Kyo chuckle in amusement.

"It feels strange, but… good. It's only been a while since I'm on treatment, but I feel the differences myself already. I feel like the broken pieces of me fit nicely back together, even though they are put back together unevenly and forced to stick together with super glue…"

"I'm… I'm so happy to hear that, Kyo…"

"Ryuu?" Kyo asked.

"Yeah?"

"What are you going to do with them?"

"I was allowed to keep them here, they'll be perfectly safe until everything ends."

"That's good, that's actually amazing! You said you can't keep anyone else safe apart my family."

"I can't, but I said I'm taking full responsibility of them and with some convincing on my part they were allowed to stay."

"We're very grateful for that" Kaoru interfered, looking at Ryuu. "We don't want you to think any other way."

Ryuu just smiled at Kaoru, nodding curtly.

"Kaoru?" Kyo asked, sounding a little unsure.

"Yes, Kyo?"

"I'm sorry you and… and Die had been dragged into this, but I think you'll be safer being here than outside."

"Don't worry about us, Kyo. We're fine. I think we're much better off being here than anywhere else."

There was a pause of silence, then Ryuu said he had to go and Kyo had to say his goodbyes. Ryuu promised he will let them talk whenever he would have time to come to see Die, Kaoru and Toshiya himself.

Kaoru still had tons of questions to Ryuu, but had to swallow them down and see Ryuu go out and lock the door, his last words being that somebody will come to bring them pyjamas and essentials and will bring dinner as well. For more instructions of what they were going to do they'll have to wait for tomorrow.

Die didn't like the fact that door was being locked and they couldn't get out of the small room.

"But that's the whole point, isn't it?" Toshiya mused loudly, starring at Die. "If we go out, we can see what this building is, who the people are, how well armed and prepared they are, how big is this place and so on. If we somehow venture outside and get captured by a chance, we would know too much."

And Die knew Toshiya was right, but he couldn't help but still hate it. It took Kaoru's arm over his shoulders and his other arm on Die's thigh to make him less irritable.

At first Toshiya just stared, but then shyly turned his eyes away from the evidence of affection and laid down on the bunk.

He hadn't slept for ages. As soon as he closed his eyes, sleep claimed him.

oOoOoOo

Days went by slowly and tortuously. They worked, mostly doing their work in the laundry or cleaning kitchens. Die counted the days impatiently, being the least inclined to sit around doing nothing and wait.

Ryuu came a few times and told what was happening in Tokyo. How a little drop in the water made the surface ripple and slowly grow into big waves. Events were escalating as Ryuu had predicted they will after Kyo's announcement. Nobody could pretend anymore that all was well.

Last time he came, he brought news about Die, Kaoru and Toshiya's families. The Emperor, not managing to capture the three of them, turned his attention to their parents and siblings. Toshiya, being the only child, had his parents living quietly in a small town. Ryuu said the parents were in police custody, on the pretence of unpaid taxes, but questioned relentlessly about Toshiya's whereabouts without hope of being released anytime soon.

Kaoru's parents, as soon as they got to know their son was missing, put one and one together. But they weren't prepared for Kaoru's father being fired from his job and for Kaoru's mother being hit by a car on the street. She had her leg and two ribs broken.

Die's parents suffered similar fate. Die's father's business went bankrupt in less than a week and he and his wife found themselves without the source of income that provided for them their entire lives. Their house was robbed and the savings they kept there together with anything that was remotely valuable was gone. The hair salon where Die's brother worked was set on fire and Die's brother barely managed to get out alive. He burned his hands and was admitted to hospital, doctors were hopeful that his hands will heal well enough to work again, but not knowing when exactly he will be able to go back to that.

After Ryuu was gone, the rest of the day was spent in restless anger and grief. Kaoru had to put a lot of effort to subdue Die and stop him from hitting somebody. Toshiya was pale and silent, Kaoru apprehensive and composed, Die furious and easily angered.

And then nothing changed for a while, Ryuu didn't come anymore and the three of them felt neglected and totally useless.

Finally, what Die thought was the middle of the third week, Ryuu came to see them late in the evening, looking tired and worn out. He barely spared them a glance and went to sit on one of the beds and Kaoru couldn't help but sense something bad has happened.

"What is it, Ryuu?" he asked, looking anxious.

"They got Kyo. At the break of dawn they targeted out headquarters and they got Kyo. We've been betrayed."

Toshiya slumped on the seat opposite Ryuu, looking shocked.

"The plan has altered, we thought we knew who the traitors were and were monitoring them 24/7, using them for our own purposes. But apparently there was one more and that somebody sold us out."

"So what now?" Die asked.

"We shorten the time span of our plans. We're going for the Emperor very soon, maybe even less than a week."

"What about Kyo?" Toshiya asked.

Ryuu bowed his head and kept silent.

"You're going to just abandon him, don't you?" Kaoru asked coldly.

"There is nothing to be done about it. There is only one thing that's important – take the Emperor down. Everything else is in the second place."

"You can't just leave him for those rabid dogs to tear him into pieces!" Toshiya spat angrily. "Wasn't he supposed to be a part of your team now?"

"If I was captured as well as him, it would be exactly the same" Ryuu said, finally lifting his eyes to look at the three guys in front of him. "Nobody would risk the failure of the whole operation just to save me."

"Where are they keeping him, do you know?" Toshiya asked.

"Most probably in the Palace's cells."

"And you're going there?"

"Yes, but I said that our –"

"Yes, yours, but not mine" Toshiya cut him off.

"What do you mean?"

"I'll go together with you when you go for the Emperor, but instead my sole mission will be just to save Kyo."

Ryuu stared, a little surprised to hear this kind of proposal.

"Have you ever held a gun in your hands?" Ryuu asked.

"No, but I've got a few days to learn to do it. How hard can it be?"

"I cannot protect you. I will be going straight for the Emperor."

"I'm not asking your protection. Or your permission as well. I'm saying I'm going to get Kyo back."

"I'll go with you" Kaoru intervened.

"No" Die was quick to add. "I won't let you go alone. I'm coming with you!"

Now the three guys turned and looked Ryuu in the eyes and Ryuu just stared back, a little still shaken. Then slowly he smiled and stood up.

He slowly nodded.

"I'm sure that in between the betrayal, loss of headquarters and a quickened plan to kill the Emperor, nobody will notice or care about the three of you coming together. But you have to understand, that it's going to be a full–on war at the Palace and you might get shot. Or killed."

"We understand" Toshiya nodded, looking grim and serious.

In a blink of an eye Ryuu drew something from under his jacket and the next second Toshiya found himself facing a gun pressed to his forehead. He stared, frozen to the spot, feeling the cool metal surface of the gun touch his skin. Die and Kaoru recoiled, starring at both of them wide eyed.

"It takes just one click and you're dead" Ryuu said coldly.

"I'm not afraid" Toshiya breathed out, certainly looking a little frightened, but still determined.

As quickly as he drew out his gun, Ryuu hid it away.

"Kyo–san is a lucky man – he has such extraordinarily devoted friends."

He smiled and it looked like finally he did feel a little easier about everything.

"As we lost headquarters, I'll be staying here, so I'll be able to teach you quick basics of what you need to know. I'll get you the uniforms and a plan of the Palace, so that you'd at least have an idea where we will be going and where Kyo might be. You'll need to learn the paths by hard. After that you're on your own."

They nodded, showing that they understand.

"Well then, I'll be off now, but I'll come back as soon as I can. I guess since I won't be going back to the Palace to work, I'll be around more often."

"You work in the Palace?" Die aske incredulously.

"Worked" Ryuu smiled and there was something crazy in his smile. Something freeing. "And I can't wait to get my hands on the Emperor and slit his throat."

He then turned and left.

Die, Toshiya and Kaoru were left to wait for him to get back.

Very soon the fate of the whole country will be decided, but all they could think of was if it still wasn't too late for Kyo.

oOoOoOo

The next day every channel on TV showed the same thing – it was Kyo, naked, his hands chained over his head on a pole, standing in the middle of the Palace square and angry people standing all around him, chanting death threats and insults, some of them even throwing rocks at him.

And a presenter saying that all traitors of The Emperor will be subject to horrible torture and death.

Finally all pretences were gone.

**TBC**


	12. Chapter 12

**Author comment**: I have no talent in writing action, so beware! Now when I think about it, it's probably my first ever real action scene that I'm writing :O I was avoiding these at all costs, but it finally happened :O Oh well, I can say I did my best, hopefully that will be enough :D I hope you'll enjoy this chapter ^^

CHAPTER 12

He didn't feel his hands anymore. Everything up from his numb shoulders disappeared as if he never even had hands. His legs hurt as well after having tried many different positions of standing, but with every agonizing hour less and less of them were even remotely comfortable.

But Kyo dreaded the moment they would take him off this pole and drag him back to the cell. He knew that then his hours will be numbered pretty soon.

And yet, he didn't regret a thing.

Under the guidance of Ryuu he did a lot. He never knew that exposing how the whole Moon project works would benefit the resistance fighters so much. But it did. He won them a few very valuable allies who were still hesitating to join. And now the resistance fighters were more powerful and had a much better financial support than ever before. And they were ready to deliver the final blow.

To kill the Emperor.

Kyo closed his eyes, trying to will himself to stop trembling from cold.

It was God knows what hour of the night. The stars were out, the moon hung low in the sky, but Kyo didn't want to see it. Not now, not ever again. The guards were pacing back and forth the length of the square. The others were standing at the gate. And having been tied to the pole for the third night, Kyo knew there was no way to escape, especially when each and every muscle in his body ached and hurt.

He prayed Ryuu would change his mind and try to save him. He hoped somebody would force their way through the gate, unchain him and take him away to safety. It was all he could think of over and over again, because he couldn't do it himself. As much as he hated it, he was helpless.

And humiliated.

They took pleasure in every second when they told him all channels in the whole Japan showed only one thing – they showed him, Kyo, naked and chained to a pole like a God–damned dog, translating this live 24/7. And even if a small part of him hoped that was a lie, he couldn't let himself fall apart. He had to remain strong on the outside, even if inside every muscle in his body screamed from pain.

He hoped Toshiya was OK. He knew his family was well hidden, but Totchi was all alone. He hoped that Toshiya was resilient enough to withstand any accusations that would be thrown at him.

Kyo shifted his position for the hundredth time, looking for the one that hurt the least. He felt his bladder was almost full again, but he pressed his legs tighter, keeping it all in. They were giving him plenty of water and no food and Kyo wondered if they did it on purpose. Letting Kyo to just piss all over himself was another way to humiliate him.

Kyo closed his eyes and tried to get as much rest as possible in this situation.

Tomorrow was another day and even thinking about one more day like this, with angry citizens who loved the Emperor coming to spit at him and throw rocks whenever the guards wouldn't see, he felt like crying.

But he squeezed his eyes shut and prayed.

He prayed for strength and endurance for himself.

And he prayed for Toshiya to be safe.

oOoOoOo

Die stood tall and motionless, in black trousers and black long–sleeved shirt slightly puffed because of a bullet proof jacket underneath, a short jacket tightly wound around his slender waist, his hair tied behind in a ponytail. In his hand, as if it was a mere mobile phone, gripped loosely between the long lean fingers hung a black heavy gun.

His lips were tightly pressed together and his brows furrowed in concentration. He didn't see the bleeding sky in the horizon and the morning sun just peeking out from the very depths of the concrete jungle, its peaks painted orange.

They had perhaps just a few more minutes to wait. Then they'll get into a van and go to the Palace.

It's been two days since they stopped showing Kyo on every TV channel and Kaoru feared it might be too late. But there was no other way to know, only to go and see for themselves.

Kaoru looked at Die, standing in the faint morning light, chilly air numbing their fingers, but Die didn't notice any of those things. He stood there like a statue, silent and unmoving. And Kaoru was afraid to know what his lover was thinking.

Toshiya was just a few metres away, leaning on a wall, gun in a holder on his right hip, another gun on his left, lots of spare bullets in a belt wound around his waist. He wasn't yet very confident with a gun, he didn't like it, but he never said a thing about it. Kaoru knew him well to know Toshiya wasn't in his element, but the determination Toshiya had to go save Kyo was alive like a huge bonfire – the only driving force seen burning in his eyes for days.

Kaoru suspected for a while now, listening to Toshiya talk, watching him, but he felt like now was the right time to ask.

"Hey, Totchi?" he said softly, catching Toshiya's attention.

"Hmm?" Toshiya turned to him slightly, looking like he still was in his own thoughts.

"What is it that you and Kyo have between each other?"

Toshiya blinked, as if not sure he heard it right, but then turned fully to Kaoru and starred at him.

"That's a very good question" finally he said, looking regretful.

"Don't you know?"

"No… not really" Toshiya said, suddenly looking crestfallen.

"I thought" Kaoru uttered, looking a little embarrassed now. "I thought that you two… you know…"

"I do love Kyo" Toshiya said as if that was the only thing he knew to be an absolute truth about the world. Sun rises every morning. He is in love with Kyo. "But Kyo still has feelings for you…"

Kaoru felt an unpleasant shiver run through his body. He knew Toshiya wasn't implying anything by that, but it sounded so much like accusation to Kaoru's ears.

"We had sex every night" Toshiya said, suddenly looking somewhere in a distance. "And I was ready to wait as long as was needed for him to get over you and erase you from his heart."

Kaoru pressed his lips tightly together, not knowing how he felt about it.

"But now I just want to get him back" Toshiya said, finally looking back at Kaoru. "And I'm very grateful you both are coming with me."

Kaoru nodded, glancing at his motionless lover in the distance.

"Whatever it takes, we will get him back."

Toshiya held Kaoru's gaze for a long time. It was Ryuu who broke it, coming outside and telling them it was time to go.

They all boarded the van and sat in silence. Die was composed and grim. Toshiya's fingers trembled slightly. And Kaoru just sat there, going over the plan of the Palace grounds and inner rooms and floors in his head.

oOoOoOo

The short and gentle Ryuu, who always spoke quietly and kindly, who Die would never have counted as any threat, was fast and ruthless with his guns. He was slippery and hard to catch like a weasel and strong and accurate like a panther. Compared to him, Die felt heavy, big and clumsy.

So far they stayed behind Ryuu and his other men, watching for anything that moved outside Ryuu's range of sight.

To get into the Palace proved to be much harder than Die imagined. There were too many Palace soldiers guarding it, all of them alert and ready to strike back. Led by Ryuu who apparently knew every centimetre of the Palace, they went for the secret entrance which supposedly was less guarded.

It took them a bit longer than they expected to get into a dead–end street, go over a tall fence, go through a lake of storage houses and gardens, cross a shallow river and break through a barely visible tiny door in the wall surrounding the Palace. It was less guarded, because Ryuu was almost certain nobody knew he had any knowledge of this entrance. Not even his people. And it was impossible to find and to get there unless you knew exactly where it was and how to get there. You had to go through all the obstacles, because both sides of the door were surrounded by a wall so wide and thick that even the resistance fighters would have lots of trouble and waste lots of time to get through. And you couldn't go completely unnoticed any other way apart from that one and only path that led to the door.

Inside they found themselves in a small garden, full of tall and fat bushes that easily covered them from sight. There were a handful of guards, but Ryuu, without saying a word, disappeared in the maze of these bushes and a few moments later a silent grunt and a thud was heard. Without thinking Die ran after him, but he only found Emperor's guard lying on the ground, looking unconscious. Die didn't waste time checking if he was just knocked out or dead.

He ran further and managed to see Ryuu lifting his hand and sending a silenced bullet in another guard's head. This one managed to let out a startled scream and as soon as his body hit the ground, the last three men appeared. Ryuu slipped in the middle of the three men without them even noticing how it happened. One man's wrist was horribly bent back with a crunching sound and he released a gun out of his hand, falling to the ground together with his weapon. Another two didn't even manage to get a good aim at Ryuu when they also fell to the ground, shot dead to their heads.

Slowly Ryuu turned back to look at Die and nodded with his head to the man lying on the ground, gripping his hand and moaning in pain. And Die understood Ryuu wanted him to finish the guy off. But another second the rest of the group caught up and Ryuu as if nothing had happened aimed his gun at the man and sent a bullet through his head.

Quietly they hurried along the path and found themselves standing before the entrance of the house that was a part of the Palace. From then on, guns drawn out, they slowly made their way forward through unlit silent halls of the early hours of the morning.

And when Ryuu suddenly stopped, Die knew that was it. Ryuu pointed straight forward and looked at his three companions.

"That's your path. It leads straight to the main entrance, from there you'll get to the hall that leads to the dungeons. But by that time, I'm afraid, you'll have to watch your backs for bullets."

The three guys nodded and Ryuu wasted no more time.

"Good luck to you."

He turned left and soon disappeared round the corner together with a handful of his men. They knew he went straight for the Emperor. And they knew they had maybe five minutes at best before the entire Palace would know it was under attack and before the Emperor would start running away.

Die, Toshiya and Kaoru silently made their way down the hall, but soon, out of nowhere, suddenly screams and shooting could be heard, as if someone suddenly turned on a movie in the middle of a fight scene.

They halted for a second, but then Die reassumed his pace and the other two followed. A scream was heard on their right and a bullet sank in the wall just next to Toshiya's head. Die was the first one to turn and see a solder with a gun, now pointing at Kaoru's head instead.

And Die's heart fluttered, missing a beat, and he didn't really think about lifting his hand and pointing his gun – it happened all on its own accord. And the next second the solder fell to the ground, clutching his bloody shoulder with his hands.

They quickly ran down the hall, trying to avoid more solders coming from their right. But the closer they got to the main entrance hall, the more noise of a fight could be heart.

They were running straight to the heart of the massacre.

And the first thing they saw were the backs of the countless numbers of Emperor's soldiers who were fighting with the attackers coming through the main entrance. And they knew they had to get past them all in order to get to the hall they needed.

After hesitating for a couple of seconds, Die was the first to start running. They managed to get past a few of the soldiers unnoticed, but their luck would stretch only that far. Somebody aimed their gun at them, somebody tried hitting them, somebody drew a dagger and Toshiya merely escaped with his whole right hand. But the soldiers were facing attackers from the front in increasing numbers and a commotion behind their backs was taking them by surprise.

The entrance hall was enormous. Resistance fighters were pouring in through the main door and through the one on the side. The noise of a fight was heard coming from the corridors within the building as well.

Die, Kaoru and Toshiya managed to get to the hall leading to the dungeons, but to their horror Emperor's soldiers appeared in front of them, running to help the others in front.

Toshiya aimed his gun and shot randomly at the men in front of him, somebody fell to the ground with a scream. Kaoru grabbed Toshiya's arm and pushed him to the left, forcing him into another adjacent hall which also led to the dungeons, but took longer to reach them.

They ran not looking back, but soon footsteps of people following them were heard. The corridor went deeper and deeper into the Palace, but Die suddenly found it hard to remember the plan of the building that he so meticulously tried to memorize. He knew they couldn't outrun the soldiers following them, so he halted abruptly and froze to the spot. It took him all of four seconds to aim and push the trigger.

One man fell to the ground and stayed there, motionless. The other four stopped and aimed straight at Die. But Kaoru and Toshiya were right next to him and already shooting at their attackers. Another two soldiers fell to the ground and the two still standing were still firing back.

Die heard Toshiya suddenly scream from pain and drop to the ground with a sickening thud. Blood shot to Die's head and for a second he felt as if his mind and his body were two separate things. His body was firing back with a doubled hatred and effort, but his mind was frozen from fear and he didn't even know who made his fingers and hands move. The weakness that overcame his body was all–consuming and for a few moments all he heard in his ears was a loud cacophony of sounds – an obnoxiously loud buzzing in his ears that overlaid even the sounds of a fight.

Only when the last two men fell to the ground unmoving did Die finally hear Kaoru's voice.

"Toshiya! Totchi!"

Die turned back to see Toshiya lying on the ground, clutching his leg with his trembling hands, his face pale and eyes huge from fear and pain.

"Can you stand up?" Kaoru screamed, tugging at Toshiya's jacket.

Toshiya tried to push himself up, but as soon as he put a bit of his weight on his injured leg, he screamed again and fell to the ground. Die kneeled next to him, looking at where exactly the blood was coming from and as soon as he saw a hole in Toshiya's trousers right above his knee, he felt sick.

"You have to try standing up, Toshiya, there's no other way" Die said, feeling like the situation fell out of his control in just a few minutes inside the building. Perhaps he never had any control over the situation in the first place.

"I can't" Toshiya cried out, his face looking consumed with pain. "You two go alone!"

"No, Totchi, for fuck's sake, no!" Kaoru immediately protested.

"You need to get Kyo!" Toshiya choked the words out. "I can't… I can't even stand up!"

"But we can't leave you here like that" Die shouted, getting frustrated. "They'll kill you!"

He looked around desperately, as if trying to see if more people were coming after them. Kaoru stood up and also looked around.

"We'll hide you in one of the rooms!" he suddenly said and looked at Die eagerly. "D'you think he'd be safe there?"

"He should" Die nodded frantically and looked at Toshiya.

Toshiya just nodded weakly and then Die and Kaoru leaned down and lifted him by his armpits. It was a long and painful journey down the hall and even though they went only a few meters, for Toshiya it felt as if they were walking for tens of kilometres. The pain in his leg only intensified and almost made him faint – it was that strong.

Thankfully the first door they found was unlocked and Kaoru cautiously glanced inside – it was empty. They dragged Toshiya together with themselves inside and closed the door. There weren't many things in the room, just a drawing table with a chair, a sofa and two big bookcases by the walls. There was a window, but the curtains were drawn tight and the room was sunken in shadowy darkness.

Die and Kaoru dragged Toshiya to the sofa, but at the last minute Kaoru suggested laying Toshiya behind the sofa on the floor, so that if somebody would glance inside, they wouldn't immediately see him. So they took the two cushions from the sofa and laid Toshiya on the floor behind it.

Die took out a second gun from Toshiya's holder and thrust it in Toshiya's hand.

"Don't close your eyes" Die said harshly. "You have to watch out for yourself. If somebody comes in, just shoot them."

Toshiya nodded, but as soon as Die left the gun in his friend's hand, Toshiya's fingers loosened around it. Die glanced worriedly at Kaoru, but there hardly was any other option. Time wasn't on their side.

Ryuu was very straightforward in explaining them what will most probably happen to Kyo if they were too late. As soon as any attack on the Palace would start, a certain group of soldiers would go down to the cells to kill all captives. And in this case, Kyo would be their first target. The Emperor would make sure he will strike anywhere he can even if it hurts his enemies just a little.

Kaoru looked at Toshiya's leg and then with some difficulty ripped the hem of his shirt and tied tightly around Toshiya's knee. Toshiya bit on his hand hard to prevent himself from screaming, instead some tears escaped his eyes. It was hard for Die to watch his friend in pain. He stood up and looked at the door. There was a trail of blood coming from there to the sofa and Die hoped that in this commotion nobody would go checking where this blood trail went.

"Let's go" he said to Kaoru and Kaoru nodded. He stood up and rubbed his bloody palms on the sides of his trousers.

"As soon as we get Kyo, we'll come back for you, Toshiya" Kaoru said, trying to sound reassuring.

Toshiya nodded weakly and watched them leave. As soon as Kaoru and Die found themselves in the hall again, Kaoru led the way as he knew exactly where they were. The noise of a fight was louder than ever and Die was constantly glancing back over his shoulder to check if nobody was pursuing them.

A sound of explosion rattled the whole building and for a moment both of them stopped, looking at the direction where they heard it. Neither Die nor Kaoru ever in their lives heard an explosion, but they knew the very instant they heard it of what it was. It came from their right, from deep within the Palace.

Ryuu never said anything about exploding the Palace and Die wondered what other things he kept secret. Suddenly he felt Kaoru tugging at his hand and he made himself move forward.

They ran the hallway, turned right, climbed down the stairs, turned right again and with every turn Die felt how they got deeper and deeper into the Palace.

"It's not far now" Kaoru said, sounding out of breath from all the running and the adrenaline pumping his veins.

First they smelled something burning, then slowly the hall they were in filled up with greyish smoke. Soon Die felt Kaoru taking his hand, because the visibility became very bad and they had to slow down noticeably, because they didn't really see where they were going.

Kaoru led the way now, as Die was at a loss of where they actually were. And when Kaoru suddenly stopped with a yelp and Die ran into him, he was taken by surprise. He felt Kaoru's hand disappear and heard him grunt in pain.

"Kao?" Die screamed agitatedly.

Suddenly a man appeared right before him and for a moment Die was taken by surprise, but the next second he saw man's fist flying into his direction and he dodged it. Die kicked man's leg as hard as he could and then pointed a gun at him. The bullet went through the man's shoulder and he fell to the ground, screaming in pain.

Die stepped over him and went forward, looking for Kaoru.

"Kaoru!" he screamed, not seeing his lover anywhere. He opened his mouth again, but the smoke was too thick and too poisonous now. He pressed his hand over his mouth and half–closed his eyes. He struggled down the hall, one hand on the wall for support, because he couldn't see where he was going. He felt dizzier with every second.

But after a while he thought the smoke was thinning. And to his relief soon he was out of the range of fire that was producing all this smoke. He found himself in a dark, barely lit corridor. And no sight of Kaoru.

"Kaoru!" Die screamed at the top of his lungs, looking around. "KAORU!"

For a moment he just stood there, listening to the distant sounds of the fire and the fight. They were hardly reaching him now. There were no sounds of footsteps anywhere, Die felt like finally he was away from any living being – enemy or friend.

And all he could think of was Kaoru. What happened to him? Did he just get lost in the smoke or did he lay somewhere wounded? It was as if Kaoru was snatched away in a few seconds – gone without a trace.

But there was no point in going back, he couldn't see a thing through all the smoke and he had no idea where to look for Kaoru. So with a very heavy heart that screamed in protest with every step he took, he moved forward. He was damned if he gave up now. There still was Kyo, deep in the dungeons of the Palace, locked in a cell, humiliated and hurt. And Die had to get him.

Though the further he was going, the need to turn back and check if Kaoru was anywhere in sight only strengthened. But Kaoru was nowhere to be seen and Die knew he had to hurry up if he wanted to save Kyo. Maybe Kaoru will catch up with him and he was just side-tracked.

Die continued going and he thought he might actually have an idea of where he was. He went with the map in his head and followed it, going even deeper and deeper. It was suspiciously quiet here. Maybe everyone went upstairs to fight?

When Die finally saw the big heavy doors lining the walls on both sides, he knew he found what he was looking for. He went past all these doors and found another big room with two other hallways going two different directions. He took the left hallway and soon was descending down the stairs. He knew now from the preparations that he was going down another four levels and finally he'll be in the cells of the Palace.

The dim lights on the ceilings were just enough to not let him trip and fall and Die descended the stairs in no time. He looked around for a guard but saw none. No sight of Kaoru as well. There was a small table with a little pile of papers on it, but there was nothing valuable in these papers. Die looked around the small room which was the entrance to the cells, but found nothing that could indicate where exactly Kyo was.

He did hope Kyo was still here, otherwise he was deeply and thoroughly screwed.

So Die opened the doors and stepped inside. He found himself in a very narrow hall, leading straight forward and doors on both sides of it. Die slowly stepped forward, looking at each door, wondering how on earth he was supposed to find Kyo here.

Only a few seconds later he noticed a very small peephole and he looked through it – he could see the inside of the room perfectly fine through it. So he started going to every door and looking inside every room. The majority of them were empty, but in a few rooms he did see some people, but none of them were Kyo.

When the hall ended, there was another door, bigger and heavier, there was no hole in it and when Die tried opening it, it didn't move. But that was the last door in the cell and the hall didn't have any other ways out except the one Die came in.

"Fuck!" Die swore, wiping the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand.

He took out a master key from his pocket and put it in the lock.

"Here goes nothing" he murmured, turning the key around. Ryuu got one for each of them, because he knew there would be locks on each cell and he knew neither of them had any time looking for keys.

For a moment it looked like the master key was useless, but a gentle click startled Die to no end. He grabbed the handle and pushed the door open.

And it did open widely and silently, and Die was met with a complete darkness inside the room.

"Kyo?" he called hesitantly. The room looked completely empty, not a single piece of furniture, nothing.

Suddenly he heard a faint sound in the left corner deep in the room.

"Kyo?" Die called again, stepping inside.

Very slowly in the furthest corner of the dark room Die finally could single out a silhouette of somebody curled up in a corner. He hesitated yet again, not sure if it was Kyo or not, but then a soft strained sound as if he was in pain escaped the person's mouth and Die recognized Kyo's voice.

"Fuck, Kyo!"

Die flung forward and dropped on his knees in front of Kyo. He could see now that Kyo held his head completely covered in his hands and he tried to pry the hands open so that he could see Kyo's face. But as soon as he touched him, Kyo drew back, even though there was no way he could shrink further back into that corner. Kyo was completely naked and when Die touched his skin, he felt it was cold to the touch. Kyo was freezing there with nothing to cover himself with.

"Kyo, it's me, Die!"

Die forced Kyo's arms off his head and then grabbed Kyo's chin with his fingers and made Kyo lift his head. There was not enough light coming from the open door, but Die was able to see that Kyo had his eyes shut tightly. He was trying to turn his head away from the forceful fingers and beat off the hand holding his hands.

"Kyo, come on, look at me!"

Die let go of Kyo's chin and grabbed him by the arms. He stood up and started forcefully dragging Kyo out of the room to the light.

"N-no…" Kyo whimpered, curling in on himself more and trying to stay glued to the floor. "Please, no more…"

Die dragged him out of the room with barely any effort – Kyo was very light compared to him. When they were out of the cell, Die let go of Kyo and Kyo immediately moved away from him, curling next to the nearest wall.

Die wanted to move closer to him again, but he stopped midway. The dim light of the hall now exposed Kyo to Die's eyes and Die was horrified to see that all over Kyo's naked body there were marks of severe beating – bruising all over his legs, arms and torso, his left arm looked horribly swollen and bluish, the fingers on that arm were curled in an unnatural way. Kyo looked like it hurt him even to breath.

"Kyo–kun" Die uttered and tried approaching him again, but Kyo shrunk under his touch like a wild animal.

"No, please… no…"

Die looked at him exasperatedly. He was at a loss of what to do. He couldn't just fling Kyo over his shoulder and carry him like a bag out of the Palace. He had to have his hands empty, ready to defend himself and Kyo. He had to think of something and do it right now.

Die grabbed Kyo's face in his arms again and forced Kyo to look at him.

"Kyo, listen! Toshiya's sick worried about you! Me and Kaoru as well! We need to get out of here, Kyo, while we still can! Do you understand?"

He shook Kyo with his last words and stared at his face. Slowly, so painfully slowly, recognition was seeping in Kyo's damaged mind, but he still just sat there and stared. Finally he caught Die's eyes and held his look there, starring Die in the eyes so intensely that Die almost wanted to pull back.

"D–die?" Kyo stuttered, looking bewildered.

"Yes, yes it's me!"

"Why are you here?" Kyo asked meekly, looking confused.

"I'm getting you out of here!" Die said, barely holding back his impatience.

"But you… I mean Kaoru…"

"Kyo, please, just get up, we need to go!"

Kyo didn't look like he was about to move and Die wanted to just grab him and drag him back through the halls, but he held back, trying to be patient.

"Kyo, we need to go right now! And we need to go get Toshiya! He's hurt and he can't escape on his own! We need to help him as well!"

"T-totchi's h-hurt?"

"Yes! And if we don't go, he might be found and killed! We'll be screwed as well, Kyo, if we won't hurry!"

Maybe it was the despair in Die's voice, maybe the pleading look in his eyes, but finally Kyo relax under Die's touch and let himself be lifted off the ground. But soon Die found out that Kyo was too weak to walk on his own. They probably didn't even give him food as long as he's been here. Kyo put his arm over Die's shoulders and Die supported him by putting his hand around Kyo's waist. And finally they slowly started moving.

In the distance, though still rather faint, Die heard the sounds of footsteps approaching and he paled, his heart sank to his stomach.

He was too late.

All Die managed was to point his gun at the doorway and wait, his heart beating hundreds of miles per hour. Kyo's grip on him tightened almost painfully and he heard Kyo take a deep breath and hold it, waiting.

In what felt like just a few seconds later solders poured in the room and Die without waiting or hesitating started shooting. Two fell down immediately, one managed to get a good aim at Die, but fell to the ground as well. Then two more came through the door and Die missed, too agitated and eager to shoot them all.

A sharp pain in his shoulder made him scream and he fell to the floor, clutching it, Kyo almost tumbling down over him, unable to stand on his own without any support. For a few moments Die's eyes darkened and he didn't see or hear a thing, but then vision came into focus again and through a buzzing noise in his ears he could hear Kyo screaming.

He looked up and saw Kyo standing over him, barely supporting himself with his swollen left hand on the wall, his right hand outstretched, Die's gun in it.

And the last two solders fell.

Die stared at Kyo's naked back. He looked small and vulnerable without his clothes on and with all the signs of brutal beating marring his skin. But then he looked over his shoulder at Die and Die was met with a hard, cold look in Kyo's eyes, a harsh contrast to the childlike complexion of his body.

Die somehow stood up on his shaky legs and clutched his bleeding shoulder. Kyo looked like he was about to slump back down on the ground, his tired muscles trembled violently from simply just trying to remain standing. They both stared at each other for a moment, breathing hard.

But there was no time to recover – more footsteps and noise could suddenly be heard approaching and Die had to try to defend them both.

"We need to get out of here" Die muttered through gritted teeth. Kyo immediately took a hold of Die's healthy arm, because Kyo himself was having a very hard time standing.

"Why did you come, Die?" Kyo asked weakly. "Now you're in danger as well."

Die shook his head, clearly showing it wasn't the time for questions like that. He was trying to decide what to do. Going back to get Toshiya was too risky. There was too much noise and gun shots, and screams and explosions in that direction. And with a heavy heart Die had to admit that he had to get Kyo and himself out the shortest way. He could just hope that both Kaoru and Toshiya will be all right. Going to look for them in that chaos was pointless and he knew it.

There was no way of knowing where Kaoru was. And trying to get back to Toshiya meant he and Kyo would be in terrible risk of getting shot without even going half-way.

"Let's go" Die finally said and moved away from the wall, dragging Kyo with himself.

They stumbled down the hall and Die tried to recreate the path he came here, so that he could remember the plan of the Palace he memorised and could take both of them out of the dungeons safely through a different path. Kyo struggled with every step and Die could see how he screwed his face in pain with every step he took, but Kyo didn't say a thing, didn't complain. His small naked form most of the time was glued to Die's side for support. Die realised he should have at least given Kyo his jacket.

"Is Toshiya still far away?" Kyo asked suddenly, looking up at Die's face.

Die couldn't stop himself from frowning and he turned his face away from Kyo's sight, but Kyo managed to see the uncomfortable expression that his question brought.

"Is he far away?" Kyo repeated with his shaky voice.

"He is" Die said, trying to make his voice sound steady. "We'll be taking another way out of the Palace."

Kyo stopped and Die was forced to halt as well. He looked down at his former band mate.

"Kyo, we have no time, let's move!"

"I can't leave Totchi here!" Kyo screamed almost hysterically, clutching at Die's side with his hand like his life depended on it. "You said he's hurt!"

"We can't possibly go back, there's barely any chance we'll both make it alive to where he is, not to mention get him out of here together with you. You can't walk, Toshiya can't walk and I have only two hands, one of them not working properly!"

"How can you be this cruel?" Kyo screamed.

"Kaoru's here as well!" Die shouted, not able to hold back the panic suppressed in his chest anymore. "Kaoru got separated from me and I have no idea where he is!"

Kyo stared at Die dumbstruck.

"He's all alone surrounded by people ready to kill him and there's absolutely nothing I can do!" a slightly mad look in Die's eyes caught Kyo by surprise. "But we came here to get you!" Die gripped Kyo's hand painfully and Kyo winced, suddenly also getting a little afraid of Die.

"And I'll be fucking damned if I'll let them get you again! I am not letting another friend die! Kaoru would do the same thing! I don't know where he is and going to look for him now would be foolish! Same as going back to get Toshiya, who's surrounded by our enemies! So don't tell me I'm cruel, Kyo! You have no idea what it took me to decide not to look for Kaoru and go get you instead!"

Kyo stared at Die, completely taken aback. The silenced stretched for some time, until an explosion somewhere deep in the Palace startled them both.

"We need to go" Die said, loosening his grip in Kyo's hand finally. Kyo nodded weakly, looking down at his naked feet on tatami floor, his toes on his left foot painted with fresh blood still coming out of Die's wound. For the first time Die noticed Kyo's nakedness for what it was and got embarrassed. With difficulty he shrugged off his jacket and then leaned down, offering it to Kyo.

Kyo lifted his eyes and Die saw how much guilt there was in those deep black orbs, and immediately Die regretted his outburst.

"Here, I'll help you put that on" he said and helped Kyo put his swollen and painful hand in one of the sleeves, the other hand getting in easily after that. The jacket didn't cover Kyo's modesty or his behind, but already with this piece of clothing Kyo felt more human than he felt in many long and torturous days.

"Let's go" Die said softly and Kyo nodded.

They struggled down the hallway. The noise of the fight now seemed to come from every direction. When they got out of the basement, they were met with a slight layer of smoke everywhere they went and Die had to admit to himself that most probably there was fire everywhere in the building.

Kyo started coughing not long after that and Die himself had a harder time breathing than he should. At least for a while they met nobody and Die was already starting to believe his good luck. But when they were finally nearing the main exit that Die wanted to use, people started to appear from all directions.

Die managed to escape a few of them by simply hiding. Everyone was running or fighting between themselves, so nobody noticed two guys hiding behind the big cupboards or corners of the halls.

A few times Die had to stop for a moment because the vision in his eyes got blurry all of a sudden and he hoped they were close enough to escape the building. Most probably he was losing too much blood and wouldn't be able to hold on his consciousness much longer.

The smoke thickened and Kyo started coughing.

"We're very close" Die muttered, trying to keep it together.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, somebody jumped on them from behind and circled their hands around Die's throat. Die's hands on reflex abandoned everything else and grabbed the hands of the attacker, trying to pray them off. He heard Kyo fall down to the ground without support – his body was exhausted by days and days of torture, and his swollen, painful hand was of no use either.

The pain in Die's shoulder screamed him to stop, but he grabbed onto the attackers hands with all he had. For a few seconds it didn't help, but then he felt the hands slacken just a notch and Die used the opportunity. He tightened his hold on the attacker's hands and ran backwards, smashing the attacker to the wall and crushing him with his body. The attacker released all air from his lungs and his hands slackened even more.

With all the force he had, Die finally was able to throw the hands off of himself and faced the attacker.

The man had no gun, but he was one of the guards and he had a mad look in his eyes. Probably lost his gun during the battle, but it didn't stop him from defending the Emperor.

Die wanted to grab his gun, but for a moment he got completely confused, because his hands were empty and there was no gun on him anywhere. He probably lost it when the guy attacked. Die was about to look around, but the man kicked him in the knee and with a scream Die fell to the ground. He had no time to recover as the man kicked him in the face with his heavy shoe. Die thought he heard his nose break.

The man grabbed him by his hair and started dragging him. For a moment Die was completely unaware of what was happening as pain overwhelmed him. But suddenly he felt heat and smoke surround him and he opened his eyes to look through his bloody fingers.

All he managed to see was bright red flames and the next second he was thrust face-forward to the centre of all of it, his right cheek hitting the burning tatami. His hair caught fire immediately and Die in panic struggled to push back, but a foot on his back pressed hard on him and pushed him back down.

Die heard himself scream, he thrashed in panic, trying to push the weight off his back and pull back, but the pressure remained, the flames ate at his face and hair, the pain in his shoulder only intensifying.

For Die it felt like this was happening for long, very long minutes, far too long that any human being could endure.

Then the weight on his back was suddenly off and he scrambled back, immediately trying to put the fire out from his hair with his hands. Somebody suddenly covered him with something heavy and thick and for a moment Die thought he was being strangled, but the flames went off, the heat slightly drew back and the material was lifted off his head.

Die felt somebody grabbing his arms and dragging him. He couldn't open his eyes to look at the person and he couldn't resist as well. His whole body felt like a giant piece of meat that had nothing to do with his mind inside it. It didn't listen, it was in horrible pain, it numbed his senses and his mind, preventing him to even lift his hand and place it where he wanted.

Die thought he heard a voice, but in the midst of the noise of fire, the fight somewhere in the distance, still reoccurring small explosions and excruciating pain, Die couldn't distinguish a word. And it felt as if somebody put earplugs in his ears.

He tried to push the hands off himself, but with every second the pain in his face got stronger and soon not only darkness in front of his eyes, but also in his mind overcame him.

oOoOoOo

The gun fell down from Kyo's loose fingers and fell next to his leg where he was kneeling. Kyo grabbed the jacket Die put on him not long ago and started desperately pulling it off of himself. His bad hand hurt, but he managed to take the jacket off and throw it over Die's head. He held it there, tapping his hands all over Die's head, trying to desperately make it work.

When he pulled the jacked off, the view in front of him made him sick in his stomach. But Kyo didn't dwell on it, he grabbed Die's arms and started dragging him away from the fire. Die faintly resisted for a moment, but then his body slumped and Kyo almost slipped on some amber-coloured liquid under his feet and Die's body.

Kyo just continued with his task, trying his best to hurry, not to collapse himself, not to give up. He dragged unconscious Die as best as he could while he was on all his four legs like a dog, crawling down the hall and dragging Die away from more harm.

He didn't know where he was going or where the exit was.

And when there was no strength left in his limbs, Kyo crawled up Die's body, hugged him and pressed his head to Die's chest, trying to listen to his friend's heartbeat. Die lay by the wall, pressed tight to it as if in hope of somebody coming past them and not noticing them. And Kyo clung to him, his eyes closed.

But this time Kyo wasn't praying. He didn't know anymore what he could pray for.

**TBC**

Hope all was decent! :D And hope you enjoyed this chapter ^^

Next chapter is the last one already ^^ Though it will probably come out later, because first I should read all the chapters before writing the last one… I should check if I didn't forget anything… _ So it might take time… :)

Anyway, I'll try not to take too long ^^

Comments would be amazing! 3


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